Menu

So You'd Like to Comment on my Pregnant Body

A few guidelines for the brave and big-mouthed.

So You'd Like to Comment on my Pregnant Body

A woman’s pregnant body seems to be an open invitation for unsolicited commentary. I have had everyone, from my friends, to my coffee barista, to a couple of men from the Doe Fund, approach me during my pregnancies to share their two cents on how I look. Sometimes it feels like I’m wearing one of those “How’s my driving?” signs on the back of tractor trailers, that instead says, “How’s my belly?”

For everyone who simply cannot help saying something about how I, or the pregnant person in your own life looks, here is a list of guidelines for you so you can avoid making said pregnant person feel like an ogre. We are a fragile people. Please handle comments with care.

FEATURED VIDEO

  • When describing my appearance, it is strongly encouraged that you stick with the following generally non-quantifiable adjectives: fantastic, amazing, gorgeous, incredible, rockin’, spectacular.
  • Note: “Your face looks fuller . . . but in a good way,” is never, ever, a compliment.
  • You might think that calling me a “goddess” is quite generous and sweet of you. This, however, will only bring to mind images from high school AP Art History class such as the faceless and corpulent Venus of Willendorf: Prehistoric Mother Goddess Statue.
  • Upon greeting me after not having seen me for a week or more, please do NOT utter any sentence involving the words, “whoa”, “holy shit”, “enormous”, “huge”, or “I can’t believe how big you have gotten since I last saw you.” Glad I could inject some element of surprise into your life. But this is my everyday reality: I can no longer sit on a toilet without hoisting my belly off of my knees.
  • My gestational progress is not an opportunity to test your guessing prowess. Much like a woman’s age, the length of one’s pregnancy is something to be volunteered by the pregnant person rather than guessed. Fact: If you try to guess, you will most likely estimate three months ahead of where I actually am, resulting in me shame eating salt and vinegar potato chips and a Subway Footlong by myself in a dark room.
  • Please DO say something about my rack. A much larger bust size is one of the few perks of being pregnant. IN THIS AREA ONLY is it permissible to use words like “huge,” “enormous,” and “full.”
  • When commenting on said rack, please do not utter the words “porn star”. Yes, there exists some dark corner of the internet where pregnant women can be seen engaging in pornographic activity, but trust me; I do not feel in any way akin to Jenna Jameson at this stage in my life. (Let’s try to stick to PG-13 words.)
  • If you would like to guess the gender of my child, always guess “boy”. If you tell me I am “carrying like a girl”, then that means that you think I have a tire belly. Everyone knows that carrying like a girl means you are carrying wider, and resemble someone who spends long hours driving a truck more than say, an expectant Gwen Stefani. People also say that girls “suck away the mother’s looks.” So don’t do me any favors.
  • If you see me sweating because I can no longer walk up a hill or stairs without difficulty, please lie and say that you love my “pregnancy glow.” Then, offer a hand.
  • If you have nothing nice to say at all, but absolutely MUST comment on some aspect of my appearance, please stick with the topic of my fuller, shinier mane. Yes, I agree. It does look “glorious.”

Image source.

In This Article

    The one thing your family needs to practice gratitude

    And a tradition you'll want to keep for years.

    Gracious Gobbler

    I think I can speak for well, basically everyone on planet earth when I say things have been a bit stressful lately. Juggling virtual school, work and the weight of worry about all the things, it's increasingly difficult to take even a moment to be grateful and positive these days. It's far easier to fall into a grump cycle, nagging my kids for all the things they didn't do (after being asked nine times), snapping at their bickering and never really acknowledging the good stuff.

    But the truth is, gratitude and appreciation is the kind of medicine we need now more than ever—and not just because the season is upon us. For one thing, practicing gratitude is a scientifically proven way to boost our happiness, health and relationships. More importantly, we need to ensure we're cultivating it in our children even when things are challenging. Especially when things are challenging.

    I'm ready to crank the thankfulness up a few dozen notches and reboot our family's gratitude game so we can usher out 2020 on a fresh note. So, I've called in some reinforcements.

    Enter: the Gracious Gobbler.

    Keep reading Show less
    Shop

    Every week, we stock the Motherly Shop with innovative and fresh products from brands we feel good about. We want to be certain you don't miss anything, so to keep you in the loop, we're providing a cheat sheet.

    So, what's new this week?

    Happiest Baby: Baby sleep solutions designed by the experts

    Created by renowned pediatrician, baby sleep expert and (as some might say) lifesaver Dr. Harvey Karp, Happiest Baby has been helping new parents understand and nurture their infants for close to two decades. Building on the success of his celebrated books and video The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block he's developed groundbreaking, science-based product solutions that conquer a new parent's top stressor—exhaustion.

    WSEL Bags: Dad-designed diaper bags that think of everything

    WSEL stands for work smart, enjoy life—an ethos we couldn't agree with more. Founded by a stay at home dad who struggled to find a diaper bag that he not only wanted to use, but one that would last far beyond the baby years, these premium, adventure-ready backpacks are ideal for everything from errands to week-long getaways.

    Codex Beauty: Exceptionally effective sustainable skin care

    Codex Beauty's line of sustainable plant-based skin care blends the science of plant biology with biotech innovations, to create clinically proven, state-of-the-art products for all skin types. They're all vegan, EWG and Leaping Bunny verified and created in collaboration with Herbal Scientist Tracy Ryan who uses concepts dating back to the 8th century leveraging plants like sea buckthorn and calendula flower. Not only are we totally crushing on the innovative formulas that are in the packaging but we're in love with the sustainable sugarcane-derived tubes as well.

    Not sure where to start? Here's what we're adding to our cart:

    Keep reading Show less
    Shop

    The important safety tip parents need to know about sleep + car seats

    Why you might want to plan for more pit stops on your next road trip.

    When we become parents we don't just have to learn how to take care of a baby, we also have to learn how, when and why to use all the different kinds of baby gear.

    Keep reading Show less
    News