How to reclaim your sex drive after baby 🔥

A sexologist gives us the lowdown on our latest MotherlyLive.

How to reclaim your sex drive after baby 🔥

You might have a super hot, fulfilling, "can't get enough" sex life before you became a mom. And then, well, you became a mom—and things changed. If you are finding that sex has lost the appeal it once had, you are not alone, mama.

That's why we invited sexologist and founder and CEO of Bloomi, Rebecca Alvarez Story, to join our Senior Education Editor for a Motherly live on Instagram. Alvarez Story wants to normalize the conversation around sex, encourage women to become the CEOs of their bodies (yes, please!), and to help women reclaim their sexuality.

Before our conversation, we asked you to send in your questions—and you had a lot (we did too). The most common concern you wanted to hear about was how to improve libido—how to bring sexy back.

The first action step is to check in with your health care provider. Sometimes low libido or painful sex can be a symptom of an underlying medical condition or injury. Remember that if you feel like your concerns are being dismissed, you can get a second (or third) opinion. "Yeah, you had a baby; it's like that now," is not an appropriate answer.

I know this can feel awkward, but remember that midwives and OB/GYNs talk about this stuff all the time.

Once you've been cleared from a medical standpoint, it's time to explore empowering ways to boost your sex life. Here is what Alvarez Story recommends:

Diana: The most frequent question [we received to ask you] was: "How can I regain interest in sex after having a baby?" So, people feeling like they're talking about their libido being just really diminished, people talking about feeling really touched out by the end of the day, and just exhausted and missing having feelings of sexual desire. This is probably a very big topic, but can you shed a little bit of light for our audience on that.

Rebecca: Yes. I want to start off by sort of acknowledging low libido as being such a common experience for moms. Especially new moms. There's a lot of changes going on hormonally and physically, but low libido is actually the number one sexual complaint in the U.S. among women. So not only is it common among women, but then you put changes going on in our body: postpartum, raising a little human and managing things in a new way. It is extremely common to have low libido. Especially for like the first year after having a baby.

I just want to start off by normalizing that because it is a common experience, and it is to be expected. So don't be too hard on yourself if you notice that there's a change.

It can be really tough when you had this super passionate, spicy sex life with your partner and then things change very dramatically. It can actually be quite… difficult for people to process those two extremes, but… you can boost your libido.

What I find is that a lot of women that have low libido, one of the challenges is finding the energy or the time to be intimate. So, the coach side of me tells you, you should dedicate at least half an hour to yourself. And it doesn't have to be sexual—but it can be time to masturbate. It's healthy; it will give a dump of this feel-good cocktail of hormones we call it.

Things that help you sleep better, put you in a better mood, relax you, but you can also basically take that time to yourself to do a scalp massage, a foot massage, a bath, something that makes you feel good.

Diana: It's like, love on yourself!

Rebecca: Love on yourself!

Diana: Whatever that means to you, you know. Love that.

Rebecca: Yeah. And self-care is an overused term sometimes, but honestly, 30 minutes for yourself a day is going to be so helpful to put you in a good mood to receive and put the energy into your sex life and intimacy.

With your partner, this can also be challenging, but scheduling time together at least one night a week, is key to making sure you have some kind of stability moving forward and that you're growing to more intimacy overall… just carve out time with your partner. Schedule a date night—you can even call them sex nights—because the more sex you have, the more sex you want. So, it's sort of like a snowball effect where it can build up, or it could go down. The less you have it, the less you want it or crave it, and vise versa.

Diana: Interesting. Okay, so sex begets sex.

Rebecca: It does. It does.

To hear more of Alvarez Story's expert suggestions, be sure to tune in to the full conversation on Motherly's IGTV.

Check out our favorite sexy products in the Motherly Shop!

Shine silicone lubricant

silicone based lubricant

This paraben-free, FDA-approved formula enhances the ease and comfort of intimate sexual activity with long-lasting lubrication. The hypoallergenic formula is odorless and non-sticky and can also be used underwater.


Rise Premium condoms


Sometimes you're perfectly happy where you're at in your motherhood journey. That's where these ultra-thin, fragrance-free condoms come in.


Brigid lipstick

vegan lipstick

Bold enough for a night out and natural enough for every day, Cupid & Psyche's Brigid lipstick is a highly wearable deep berry red with a soft satin, semi-matte finish.


Simple linen fitted sheet

linen fitten sheet

Why not make your bed the ultimate form of luxury and comfort with this bedding collection from Hawkins New York? The entire line is made with Belgian linen, creating a relaxed but sumptuous look.


We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

These new arrivals from the Motherly Shop are *so* good you need them all

Noodle and Boo, Mushie and Plan Toys—everything you need, mama.

Motherhood is hard work—finding great products and brands to make the journey easier doesn't have to be. Each week, we stock the Motherly Shop with brilliant new products we know you'll need and love from brands and makers that really care.

So, what's new this week?

Noodle and Boo: Holistic baby skin care

Through working with chemists who specialize in natural and holistic skin care, Noodle and Boo has developed exclusive formulas that nourish, replenish and protect especially delicate, eczema-prone and sensitive skin—including laundry detergent. Their signature, obsession-worthy scent—which is subtly sweet, pure and fresh—is the closest thing to bottling up "baby smell" we've ever found.

Mushie: Kids' dinnerware that actually looks great

We're totally crushing on Mushie's minimalist dinnerware for kids. Their innovative baby and toddler products leverage Swedish design to marry both form and function while putting safety front and center. Everything is created in soft, muted colors from BPA-free materials.

Plan Toys: Open-ended toys that last

Corralling and cleaning up the toys becomes less stressful when you bring home fewer, better, more beautiful ones. Plan Toys checks all the boxes. Made from re-purposed rubber wood, they're better for the planet as well.

Not sure where to start? Here's what we're adding to our cart:

Mushie silicone baby bib

Mushie silicone baby bib

There's no going back to cloth bibs after falling in love with this Swedish design. The pocket catches whatever misses their mouths and the BPA-free silicone is waterproof and easy to wipe down between uses.


Mushie kids' square dinnerware plate set

Mushie kids' square dinnerware plate set

We're totally crushing on the soft muted colors that flow with our table aesthetics and the thoughtful high-sided design that helps babies and toddler who are learning to feed themselves.


Noodle and Boo nursery essentials kit

Noodle and Boo nursery essentials kit

Stocked with everything a new mama needs to care for her little one's delicate skin, Noodle and Boo's nursery essentials gift set is the perfect way to create a holistic and natural skin care routine from day one.


Plan Toys doctor set 

Plan Toys doctor set

Ideal for quiet time and imaginative role play, we love the gorgeous planet-friendly doctor kit from Plan Toys. The rubber wood stethoscope, blood pressure cuff, thermometer, syringe and reflex hammer pack up neat and tidy into the red cotton case should they need to dash off on a rescue mission.


Noodle and Boo instant hand sanitizer

Noodle and Boo instant hand sanitizer

Since we're buying and using hand sanitizer by the truckload these days, we're thrilled Noodle and Boo has made one we can feel good about using on little ones who cram their hands in their mouths 24/7. Not only does it kill 99.9% of germs, but it also leaves hands moisturized as well.


Plan Toys natural wooden blocks set

Plan Toys natural wooden blocks set

A toy box isn't complete without a set of blocks—and this set is one of our new favorites. The sustainable, re-purposed wood is eco-friendly, comes at a relatively affordable price point and are certain to last well beyond multiple kids, hand-me-downs and even generations.


Noodle and Boo family fun pack cleansing set

Noodle and Boo family fun pack cleansing set

Because their products were developed for delicate and eczema-prone skin, Noodle and Boo's full line of skin care has become a favorite among those with sensitive skin of all ages. This set is the perfect way to pamper the entire family.


Mushie kids' round dinnerware bowl set

Mushie kids' round dinnerware bowl set

No need to sacrifice safety or design with the sustainable dinnerware from Mushie. Their minimalist, functional dishes are perfect for serving up meals and snacks to your tablemates who might hurl it to the floor at any point. They're made in Denmark from BPA-free polypropylene plastic mamas can feel good about and dishwasher and microwave-safe as well.


Plan Toys geo stacking blocks

Plan Toys geo stacking blocks

The best engaging, open-ended toys are the ones that are left out and available, inviting little (and big!) ones to play. These beautiful gem-like blocks make for addicting coffee table play for the entire family.


Plan Toys wooden green dollhouse

Plan Toys wooden green dollhouse

Energy-efficient design isn't just for grown-up real estate. This green dollhouse includes a wind turbine, a solar cell panel, electric inverter, recycling bins, a rain barrel, a biofacade and a blind that can adjust the amount of sunlight and air circulation along with minimalist furniture we'd totally love to have in our own houses.


We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.


This incredibly soft comforter from Sunday Citizen is like sleeping on a cloud

My only complaint? I've slept through my alarm twice.

When it comes to getting a good night's sleep, there are many factors that, as a mama, are hard to control. Who's going to wet the bed at 3 am, how many times a small person is going to need a sip of water, or the volume of your partner's snoring are total wildcards.

One thing you can control? Tricking out your bed to make it as downright cozy as possible. (And in these times, is there anywhere you want to be than your bed like 75% of the time?)

I've always been a down comforter sort of girl, but after a week of testing the ridiculously plush and aptly named Snug Comforter from Sunday Citizen, a brand that's run by "curators of soft, seekers of chill" who "believe in comfort over everything," it's safe to say I've been converted.

Keep reading Show less

20 baby names to set your child up for success

What do Jacqueline, Morgan, Madison and Parker all have in common?

They say picking a baby name is an art, not a science. But when it comes to figuring out which baby names have been linked to successful futures, there has actually been some scientific work on the subject.

Keep reading Show less