How to reclaim your sex drive after baby 🔥

A sexologist gives us the lowdown on our latest MotherlyLive.

How to reclaim your sex drive after baby 🔥

You might have a super hot, fulfilling, "can't get enough" sex life before you became a mom. And then, well, you became a mom—and things changed. If you are finding that sex has lost the appeal it once had, you are not alone, mama.

That's why we invited sexologist and founder and CEO of Bloomi, Rebecca Alvarez Story, to join our Senior Education Editor for a Motherly live on Instagram. Alvarez Story wants to normalize the conversation around sex, encourage women to become the CEOs of their bodies (yes, please!), and to help women reclaim their sexuality.

Before our conversation, we asked you to send in your questions—and you had a lot (we did too). The most common concern you wanted to hear about was how to improve libido—how to bring sexy back.

The first action step is to check in with your health care provider. Sometimes low libido or painful sex can be a symptom of an underlying medical condition or injury. Remember that if you feel like your concerns are being dismissed, you can get a second (or third) opinion. "Yeah, you had a baby; it's like that now," is not an appropriate answer.

I know this can feel awkward, but remember that midwives and OB/GYNs talk about this stuff all the time.

Once you've been cleared from a medical standpoint, it's time to explore empowering ways to boost your sex life. Here is what Alvarez Story recommends:

Diana: The most frequent question [we received to ask you] was: "How can I regain interest in sex after having a baby?" So, people feeling like they're talking about their libido being just really diminished, people talking about feeling really touched out by the end of the day, and just exhausted and missing having feelings of sexual desire. This is probably a very big topic, but can you shed a little bit of light for our audience on that.

Rebecca: Yes. I want to start off by sort of acknowledging low libido as being such a common experience for moms. Especially new moms. There's a lot of changes going on hormonally and physically, but low libido is actually the number one sexual complaint in the U.S. among women. So not only is it common among women, but then you put changes going on in our body: postpartum, raising a little human and managing things in a new way. It is extremely common to have low libido. Especially for like the first year after having a baby.

I just want to start off by normalizing that because it is a common experience, and it is to be expected. So don't be too hard on yourself if you notice that there's a change.

It can be really tough when you had this super passionate, spicy sex life with your partner and then things change very dramatically. It can actually be quite… difficult for people to process those two extremes, but… you can boost your libido.

What I find is that a lot of women that have low libido, one of the challenges is finding the energy or the time to be intimate. So, the coach side of me tells you, you should dedicate at least half an hour to yourself. And it doesn't have to be sexual—but it can be time to masturbate. It's healthy; it will give a dump of this feel-good cocktail of hormones we call it.

Things that help you sleep better, put you in a better mood, relax you, but you can also basically take that time to yourself to do a scalp massage, a foot massage, a bath, something that makes you feel good.

Diana: It's like, love on yourself!

Rebecca: Love on yourself!

Diana: Whatever that means to you, you know. Love that.

Rebecca: Yeah. And self-care is an overused term sometimes, but honestly, 30 minutes for yourself a day is going to be so helpful to put you in a good mood to receive and put the energy into your sex life and intimacy.

With your partner, this can also be challenging, but scheduling time together at least one night a week, is key to making sure you have some kind of stability moving forward and that you're growing to more intimacy overall… just carve out time with your partner. Schedule a date night—you can even call them sex nights—because the more sex you have, the more sex you want. So, it's sort of like a snowball effect where it can build up, or it could go down. The less you have it, the less you want it or crave it, and vise versa.

Diana: Interesting. Okay, so sex begets sex.

Rebecca: It does. It does.

To hear more of Alvarez Story's expert suggestions, be sure to tune in to the full conversation on Motherly's IGTV.

Check out our favorite sexy products in the Motherly Shop!

Shine silicone lubricant

silicone based lubricant

This paraben-free, FDA-approved formula enhances the ease and comfort of intimate sexual activity with long-lasting lubrication. The hypoallergenic formula is odorless and non-sticky and can also be used underwater.


Rise Premium condoms


Sometimes you're perfectly happy where you're at in your motherhood journey. That's where these ultra-thin, fragrance-free condoms come in.


Brigid lipstick

vegan lipstick

Bold enough for a night out and natural enough for every day, Cupid & Psyche's Brigid lipstick is a highly wearable deep berry red with a soft satin, semi-matte finish.


Simple linen fitted sheet

linen fitten sheet

Why not make your bed the ultimate form of luxury and comfort with this bedding collection from Hawkins New York? The entire line is made with Belgian linen, creating a relaxed but sumptuous look.


We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

14 toys that will keep your kids entertained inside *and* outside

They transition seamlessly for indoor play.

With fall in full swing, most parents are fresh out of boxes to check on their "Fun Concierge" hit list. It's also the point of diminishing returns on investing in outside-only toys. So with that in mind, we've rounded up some of our favorite toys that are not only built to last but will easily make the transition from outdoor to indoor play. Even better, they're Montessori-friendly and largely open-ended so your kids can get a ton of use out of them.

From sunny backyard afternoons to rainy mornings stuck inside, these toys are sure to keep little ones engaged and entertained.

Wooden doll stroller

Janod wooden doll stroller

Take their charges on a stroll around the block with this classic doll stroller. With the same versatility they're used to in their own ride, this heirloom quality carriage allows their doll or stuffy to face them or face the world.


Detective set

Plan Toys detective set

This set has everything your little detective needs to solve whatever mystery they might encounter: an eye glasses, walkie-talkie, camera, a red lens, a periscope and a bag. Neighborhood watch? Watch out.


Sand play set

Plan Toys sand set

Whether you're hitting the beach or the backyard sandbox, this adorable wooden sand set is ready for action. Each scoop has an embossed pattern that's perfect for sand stamping. They're also totally suitable for water play in the wild or the bathtub.


Water play set

Plan Toys water play set

Filled with sand or water, this tabletop sized activity set keeps little ones busy, quiet and happy. (A mama's ideal trifecta 😉). It's big enough to satisfy their play needs but not so big it's going to flood your floors if you bring the fun inside on a rainy day.


Mini golf set

Plan Toys mini golf set

Fore! This mini golf set is lawn and living room ready. Set up a backyard competition or incorporate into homeschooling brain breaks that shift focus and build concentration.


Vintage scooter balance bike

Janod retro scooter balance bike

Pedals are so 2010. Balance bikes are the way to go for learning to ride a bike while skipping the training wheels stage altogether. This impossibly cool retro scooter-style is built to cruise the neighborhood or open indoor space as they're learning.


Wooden rocking pegasus

plan toys wooden rocking pegasus

Your little will be ready to take flight on this fun pegasus. It gently rocks back and forth, but doesn't skimp on safety—its winged saddle, footrests and backrest ensure kids won't fall off whether they're rocking inside or outside.


Croquet set

Plan Toys croquet set

The cutest croquet set we've ever seen! With adorable animal face wooden balls and a canvas bag for easy clean up, it's also crafted to stick around awhile. Round after round, it's great for teaching kiddos math and problem-solving skills as well.


Wooden digital camera

fathers factory wooden digital camera

Kids get the chance to assemble the camera on their own then can adventure anywhere to capture the best moments. With two detachable magnetic lenses, four built-in filters and video recorder, your little photographer can tap into their creativity from summertime to the holidays.


Wooden bulldozer toy

plan toys wooden bulldozer toy

Whether they're digging up sand in the backyad or picking up toys inside, kids can get as creative as they want picking up and moving things around. Even better? Its wooden structure means it's not an eye sore to look at wherever your digger drops it.


Pull-along hippo

janod toys pull along hippo toy

There's just something so fun about a classic pull-along toy and we love that they seamlessly transition between indoor and outdoor play. Crafted from solid cherry and beechwood, it's tough enough to endure outdoor spaces your toddler takes it on.


Baby forest fox ride-on

janod toys baby fox ride on

Toddlers will love zooming around on this fox ride-on, and it's a great transition toy into traditional balance bikes. If you take it for a driveway adventure, simply use a damp cloth to wipe down the wheels before bringing back inside.


Balance board

Plan Toys balance board

Balance boards are a fabulous way to get the wiggles out. This one comes with a rope attachment, making it suitable for even the youngest wigglers. From practicing their balance and building core strength to working on skills that translate to skateboarding and snowboarding, it's a year-round physical activity that's easy to bring inside and use between Zoom classes, too!


Meadow ring toss game

Plan Toys meadow ring toss game

Besides offering a fantastic opportunity to hone focus, coordination, determination and taking turns, lawn games are just plain fun. Set them up close together for the littles and spread them out when Mom and Dad get in on the action. With their low profile and rope rings, they're great for indoors as well.


We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.


A Montessori-inspired gift guide—for newborns to 6-year-olds

There are plenty of Montessori-friendly toys that are beautiful and engaging, but also appeal to children's developmental needs.

With so many toys out there, it can be hard to find intentional gifts for our children that are both fun and meaningful. Using a Montessori approach to your shopping doesn't mean your choices need to be academic. There are plenty of Montessori-friendly toys that are beautiful and engaging, but also appeal to children's developmental needs.

Montessori toys are usually made from natural materials, non-electronic and foster independent play, creativity and concentration. Montessori materials are simple and somewhat minimalist in general, and this is especially true for infants and young toddlers. The world is so stimulating for these little ones already, that simple toys made of natural materials spark the child's curiosity without being overwhelming.

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9. Feeling responsible for their kids' emotions.

Raising a mentally strong kid doesn't mean he won't cry when he's sad or that he won't fail sometimes. Mental strength won't make your child immune to hardship—but it also won't cause him to suppress his emotions.

In fact, it's quite the opposite. Mental strength is what helps kids bounce back from setbacks. It gives them the strength to keep going, even when they're plagued with self-doubt. A strong mental muscle is the key to helping kids reach their greatest potential in life.

But raising a mentally strong kid requires parents to avoid the common yet unhealthy parenting practices that rob kids of mental strength. In my book, 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do, I identify 13 things to avoid if you want to raise a mentally strong kid equipped to tackle life's toughest challenges:

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