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How to reclaim your sex drive after baby 🔥

A sexologist gives us the lowdown on our latest MotherlyLive.

How to reclaim your sex drive after baby 🔥

You might have a super hot, fulfilling, "can't get enough" sex life before you became a mom. And then, well, you became a mom—and things changed. If you are finding that sex has lost the appeal it once had, you are not alone, mama.

That's why we invited sexologist and founder and CEO of Bloomi, Rebecca Alvarez Story, to join our Senior Education Editor for a Motherly live on Instagram. Alvarez Story wants to normalize the conversation around sex, encourage women to become the CEOs of their bodies (yes, please!), and to help women reclaim their sexuality.


Before our conversation, we asked you to send in your questions—and you had a lot (we did too). The most common concern you wanted to hear about was how to improve libido—how to bring sexy back.

The first action step is to check in with your health care provider. Sometimes low libido or painful sex can be a symptom of an underlying medical condition or injury. Remember that if you feel like your concerns are being dismissed, you can get a second (or third) opinion. "Yeah, you had a baby; it's like that now," is not an appropriate answer.

I know this can feel awkward, but remember that midwives and OB/GYNs talk about this stuff all the time.

Once you've been cleared from a medical standpoint, it's time to explore empowering ways to boost your sex life. Here is what Alvarez Story recommends:


Diana: The most frequent question [we received to ask you] was: "How can I regain interest in sex after having a baby?" So, people feeling like they're talking about their libido being just really diminished, people talking about feeling really touched out by the end of the day, and just exhausted and missing having feelings of sexual desire. This is probably a very big topic, but can you shed a little bit of light for our audience on that.

Rebecca: Yes. I want to start off by sort of acknowledging low libido as being such a common experience for moms. Especially new moms. There's a lot of changes going on hormonally and physically, but low libido is actually the number one sexual complaint in the U.S. among women. So not only is it common among women, but then you put changes going on in our body: postpartum, raising a little human and managing things in a new way. It is extremely common to have low libido. Especially for like the first year after having a baby.

I just want to start off by normalizing that because it is a common experience, and it is to be expected. So don't be too hard on yourself if you notice that there's a change.

It can be really tough when you had this super passionate, spicy sex life with your partner and then things change very dramatically. It can actually be quite… difficult for people to process those two extremes, but… you can boost your libido.

What I find is that a lot of women that have low libido, one of the challenges is finding the energy or the time to be intimate. So, the coach side of me tells you, you should dedicate at least half an hour to yourself. And it doesn't have to be sexual—but it can be time to masturbate. It's healthy; it will give a dump of this feel-good cocktail of hormones we call it.

Things that help you sleep better, put you in a better mood, relax you, but you can also basically take that time to yourself to do a scalp massage, a foot massage, a bath, something that makes you feel good.

Diana: It's like, love on yourself!

Rebecca: Love on yourself!

Diana: Whatever that means to you, you know. Love that.

Rebecca: Yeah. And self-care is an overused term sometimes, but honestly, 30 minutes for yourself a day is going to be so helpful to put you in a good mood to receive and put the energy into your sex life and intimacy.

With your partner, this can also be challenging, but scheduling time together at least one night a week, is key to making sure you have some kind of stability moving forward and that you're growing to more intimacy overall… just carve out time with your partner. Schedule a date night—you can even call them sex nights—because the more sex you have, the more sex you want. So, it's sort of like a snowball effect where it can build up, or it could go down. The less you have it, the less you want it or crave it, and vise versa.

Diana: Interesting. Okay, so sex begets sex.

Rebecca: It does. It does.

To hear more of Alvarez Story's expert suggestions, be sure to tune in to the full conversation on Motherly's IGTV.

Check out our favorite sexy products in the Motherly Shop!

Shine silicone lubricant

silicone based lubricant

This paraben-free, FDA-approved formula enhances the ease and comfort of intimate sexual activity with long-lasting lubrication. The hypoallergenic formula is odorless and non-sticky and can also be used underwater.

$25.00

Rise Premium condoms

condoms

Sometimes you're perfectly happy where you're at in your motherhood journey. That's where these ultra-thin, fragrance-free condoms come in.

$12

Brigid lipstick

vegan lipstick

Bold enough for a night out and natural enough for every day, Cupid & Psyche's Brigid lipstick is a highly wearable deep berry red with a soft satin, semi-matte finish.

$23

Simple linen fitted sheet

linen fitten sheet

Why not make your bed the ultimate form of luxury and comfort with this bedding collection from Hawkins New York? The entire line is made with Belgian linen, creating a relaxed but sumptuous look.

$248

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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Plan Toys sand set

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$30

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Plan Toys water play set

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Plan Toys mini golf set

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Janod retro scooter balance bike

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$121

Wooden rocking pegasus

plan toys wooden rocking pegasus

Your little will be ready to take flight on this fun pegasus. It gently rocks back and forth, but doesn't skimp on safety—its winged saddle, footrests and backrest ensure kids won't fall off whether they're rocking inside or outside.

$100

Croquet set

Plan Toys croquet set

The cutest croquet set we've ever seen! With adorable animal face wooden balls and a canvas bag for easy clean up, it's also crafted to stick around awhile. Round after round, it's great for teaching kiddos math and problem-solving skills as well.

$45

Wooden digital camera

fathers factory wooden digital camera

Kids get the chance to assemble the camera on their own then can adventure anywhere to capture the best moments. With two detachable magnetic lenses, four built-in filters and video recorder, your little photographer can tap into their creativity from summertime to the holidays.

$179

Wooden bulldozer toy

plan toys wooden bulldozer toy

Whether they're digging up sand in the backyad or picking up toys inside, kids can get as creative as they want picking up and moving things around. Even better? Its wooden structure means it's not an eye sore to look at wherever your digger drops it.

$100

Pull-along hippo

janod toys pull along hippo toy

There's just something so fun about a classic pull-along toy and we love that they seamlessly transition between indoor and outdoor play. Crafted from solid cherry and beechwood, it's tough enough to endure outdoor spaces your toddler takes it on.

$33

Baby forest fox ride-on

janod toys baby fox ride on

Toddlers will love zooming around on this fox ride-on, and it's a great transition toy into traditional balance bikes. If you take it for a driveway adventure, simply use a damp cloth to wipe down the wheels before bringing back inside.

$88

Balance board

Plan Toys balance board

Balance boards are a fabulous way to get the wiggles out. This one comes with a rope attachment, making it suitable for even the youngest wigglers. From practicing their balance and building core strength to working on skills that translate to skateboarding and snowboarding, it's a year-round physical activity that's easy to bring inside and use between Zoom classes, too!

$75

Meadow ring toss game

Plan Toys meadow ring toss game

Besides offering a fantastic opportunity to hone focus, coordination, determination and taking turns, lawn games are just plain fun. Set them up close together for the littles and spread them out when Mom and Dad get in on the action. With their low profile and rope rings, they're great for indoors as well.

$30

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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