Menu

To my husband: I wouldn’t want to be here with anyone but you

Life looks a bit different—sometimes better, sometimes not. But this love makes it all OK.

To my husband: I wouldn’t want to be here with anyone but you

I tell you I love you, but it’s as if you don’t believe me.


Maybe it’s because I woke you up this morning, barking a list of things we needed to do immediately so our daughter wouldn’t be late for school. Maybe it’s because sometimes I pull away too quickly when you try to hug me. Maybe it’s because saying “I love you” isn’t good enough.

Lately, it has to be.

Our time together is unbelievably limited. Or, OK, believably limited for other parents of small kids with these “busy” lives we all seem to lead.

Our time together is Netflix, and quickies and sipping wine when we’re exhausted but the kids are finally in bed. Our time together is weekends that go too quickly and whiny grocery store trips. Our time together is less and less about “us” and increasingly more about everything else.

FEATURED VIDEO

Our “us” is the most important thing to me.

Our “us” is different than it once was and not always “good different,” I know. But our relationship is the most valuable aspect of my life.

Our “us” is why we have these small children—we wanted to raise a family together; we wanted to bring more love into our already full-of-love closeness. We did. These two new, tiny people did bring so much more love into our daily lives. Yet there’s also significantly more responsibility and there are more roles we now have to play.

We play not only wife and husband, scientist and writer, cyclist and yoga instructor; we play, too, these all-consuming roles of Mom and Dad, and we love it. And I wouldn’t want to be here—experiencing these parts and pieces of our lives—with anyone else but you.

I want more of you.

I, too, want more sex—I want more making love. I want more date nights and late nights and groggy morning-breath moments in bed before we have to get up. (I want more time with you in a bed without children.)

To be fair, I miss me also. I don’t get enough time alone, much less enough time together. But I love this life we’ve created and our family and everything we’ve evolved into and effortfully—lovingly—built.

Still, I don’t want our “together” to feel so far apart.

I tell you “I love you” and I know it isn’t good enough. Words are special, especially to a writer, but they can never be enough all by themselves. Instead, we need time off work and people to watch our kids, and, essentially, luxuries we don’t often have.

You always have me.

You have always had me.

You will always have me.

“I love you” doesn’t give to you what I wish it did. But I say it anyway, so that in between the childcare to-dos, the laundry lists of... laundry, the pick-ups and drop-offs, the appointments, the bedtimes, the coffee and goodnight kisses—you know I’m still here.

Seeing you.

Wanting you.

Needing you.

Offering everything I am and have to you.

And loving you as best as I’m able to right now. Right here. Where we are—together.

Join Motherly

In This Article

    Sunday Citizen

    I live in the Northeast and when I woke up this morning, my house was freezing. It had been in the mid 40's overnight and we haven't turned the heat on yet. Suddenly, my normal duvet felt too thin. The socks on my bare feet too non-existent. Winter is coming, and I'd been drinking rosés still pretending it was summer.

    I couldn't put it off any longer. It was time to do my annual tradition of winterizing my home—and I don't mean making sure my pipes and walls have enough insulation (though obviously that's important too). I mean the act of evaluating every room and wondering if it has enough hygge to it.

    If you've never heard of hygge, it's a Danish word that means a quality of coziness or contentment. And what better time to make sure you have moments of hygge all throughout your house than right now? As far as I'm concerned it's the only way to get through these dark winter months (even more so during a pandemic.)

    So I went room by room (yes, even my 4-year-old's room) and swapped in, layered or added in these 13 products to get us ready for winter:

    Keep reading Show less
    Shop

    10 photos to take on baby’s first day that you'll cherish forever

    You'll obsess over these newborn baby pictures.

    Bethany Menzel: Instagram + Blog

    As you're preparing for baby's birth, we bet you're dreaming of all of the amazing photos you'll take of your precious new babe. As a professional photographer and mama, I have some tips for newborn photos you'll want to capture.

    Here are the 10 photos you will want to take on baby's first day.

    Keep reading Show less
    Life

    100 unusual + surprising baby name ideas

    From Adelia to Ziggy.

    Our list of 100 baby names that should be on everyone's list this year includes more choices than in the past of names that are obscure and surprising. That's because there are so many more unusual baby names coming into widespread use and baby namers have become a lot more adventurous.

    Expectant parents do not need to be told to move beyond Jennifer and Jason. Their thinking about names has evolved to the point that the most useful thing we can do is offer a large menu of intriguing choices.

    Here are our picks for the 100 best surprising + unusual baby names now.


    Keep reading Show less
    Learn + Play