What partners can do: 5 strategies to support your partner when trying to get pregnant

Remember + repeat: she is feeling things that I won’t feel.

What partners can do: 5 strategies to support your partner when trying to get pregnant

The journey of trying to conceive can be emotionally overwhelming for both partners. Often men want to make sure they are able to perform and produce. Meanwhile, women are using ovulation strips, taking their temperature and mentally and physically preparing their bodies for pregnancy.

It’s a lot to take on.

In fact, an Ohio State study found that women who had high levels of alpha-amylase, a biological indicator of stress, were 29% less likely to get pregnant each month.

Of course, “just relaxing” is easier said than done. But men, you can help!

Here are 5 ways you can support your partner while trying to make a baby, according to a few men who are owning + rocking the #dadlife.

1. Focus on 1 area where you can be super helpful.

A photo posted by MICK (@mick) on


Mick, a prominent DJ, husband to Rana and dad to Myles, found that zeroing in on one specific area was most beneficial for both of them.

“We had a difficult time conceiving, so I tried extra hard to be as supportive as possible, whether that was in prayer, nutrition or even comic relief. One thing I really focused on was our mutual health and fitness. We went to the gym together a lot and got significantly stronger. We figured getting in the best physical condition would help with the body and conception.”

“I began a very diligent vitamin and supplement program (all natural), and she began eating an even wider array of foods. This, plus a magical night that began on our (thankfully carpeted) stairs, resulted in our amazing son, Myles.”

2. Celebrate along the way.

A photo posted by chrispegul (@chrispegul) on

Chris Pegula, aka The Diaper Dude—creator of an awesome diaper bag line for dads—says that appreciating his marriage and enjoying the time he and his wife had together as just the two of them helped them during their conception journey.

“Celebrating partnership in everything you do is so important along the path to parenthood,” he says. “Being present, enjoying marriage and viewing conception less as a task and more of something that happens as an outgrowth of the love that is shared is key.”

“Too often, we hear that couples put so much pressure on themselves to conceive. Enjoy the time you have together and children will join the fold.”

3. Be positive, even when it’s really hard.

Cody Haines, who formerly blogged about early fatherhood at Dad’s Daily Diaries, tried to keep things upbeat on the roller coaster that is trying to make a baby.

“Being aware of the fact that you might not conceive right away is the most difficult thing to accept, but it is also crucial in order to get through those moments when the stick says ‘no,’” he says. “You have to convince yourself that there’s always next month. If you don’t have this mentality, it’s so easy to get upset when you find out you’re not pregnant.”

“That being said, it’s a difficult mentality to actually stick with. Which is where being a supportive husband comes into play—you’ll be able to remind your wife that there is always next month to have a chance at getting pregnant,” Haines explains.

“As a husband, you should know that your wife will most likely be devastated when she finds out her friends are pregnant while you’ve been trying. You can’t really cheer her up with words. You just have to be there for her. Be a shoulder to lean on and be there to help (gently) remind her that they’re our friends and this is an exciting time for them.”

“It was only a couple of months before we found out we were going to have a baby, and we got a lot closer to each other during those months.”

4. Put yourself in her shoes, especially when shes pregnant.

A post shared by Chip Gaines (@chipgaines) on

John Jenkins, artist and father of two, tried to keep an understanding mind and empathetic heart while his wife was pregnant. (Which sounds very smart, if you ask us.)

“Throughout our pregnancy, there were times when there seemed to be a completely different brain running the mind and body of what once was my wife. I had to remind myself, She is feeling things that I won’t feel. She has had a rush of hormones that are creating so many changes in her body—nothing of which I will ever know anything about other than what I’m told.”

“Her body is creating a human being, which is CRAZY! So, if the dinner I just made ‘isn’t right,’ or if we’ve taken 12 trips to Ikea to try and get our 500-square-foot cottage ready for a baby, I would try to remind myself that these things come from a biological change in my wife that I cannot relate to and cannot fully understand. So it’s best for me to be as calm as I can.”

“That’s what I tried to do, at least—I tried to put away my anxieties about my career, our financial status, our home. I wanted to be able to listen to my wife and be the calm, rational side of both of our brains if I needed to. To be able to say, when my wife couldn’t, ‘This isn’t working, and that’s okay. We will find another way. We will find our way,’” Jenkins says.

“I’m not saying as a man to repress yourself emotionally. What I am saying is that you both can work through this stuff together. It’s all a balancing act.”

5. Educate yourself.

A photo posted by Jamie Day (@dayjam) on

Jamie Day, blogger at A Day in the Life and father of two, says he threw himself into learning all there was to know about the process of making a baby.

“Trying for a baby is an exciting time, but can easily become pretty stressful. What is supposed to be a happy and natural experience, let’s face it, sometimes isn’t. When we started trying and things didn’t happen as we anticipated, it was important that I was a supporting voice to my wife,” he says.

“Whilst my main aim was to support her with positivity and terrible jokes, there were also a few practical things I did to help us out. I threw myself into knowing the ins and outs of baby-making, from reading countless sites covering ovulation and best practices to keeping track of my wife’s menstrual cycle via apps on my phone. Yeah, it might sound a bit robotic and unromantic, but guess what? I’m glad to say it all helped. Twice.”

Join Motherly

These are the best bath time products you can get for under $20

These budget-friendly products really make a splash.

With babies and toddlers, bath time is about so much more than washing off: It's an opportunity for fun, sensory play and sweet bonding moments—with the added benefit of a cuddly, clean baby afterward.

Because bathing your baby is part business, part playtime, you're going to want products that can help with both of those activities. After countless bath times, here are the products that our editors think really make a splash. (Better yet, each item is less than $20!)

Comforts Bath Wash & Shampoo

Comforts Baby Wash & Shampoo

Made with oat extract, this bath wash and shampoo combo is designed to leave delicate skin cleansed and nourished. You and your baby will both appreciate the tear-free formula—so you can really focus on the bath time fun.

Munckin Soft Spot Bath Mat

Munchkin slip mat

When your little one is splish-splashing in the bath, help keep them from also sliding around with a soft, anti-slip bath mat. With strong suction cups to keep it in place and extra cushion to make bath time even more comfortable for your little one, this is an essential in our books.

Comforts Baby Lotion

Comforts baby lotion

For most of us, the bath time ritual continues when your baby is out of the tub when you want to moisturize their freshly cleaned skin. We look for lotions that are hypoallergenic, nourishing and designed to protect their skin.

The First Years Stack Up Cups

First year stack cups

When it comes to bath toys, nothing beats the classic set of stackable cups: Sort them by size, practice pouring water, pile them high—your little one will have fun with these every single bath time.

Comforts Baby Oil

Comforts baby oil

For dry skin that needs a little extra TLC, our team loves Comforts' fast-absorbing baby oil aloe vera and vitamin E. Pro tip: When applied right after drying off your baby, the absorption is even more effective.

KidCo Bath Toy Organizer

KidCo Bath Organizer

Between bathing supplies, wash rags, toys and more, the tub sure can get crowded in a hurry. We like that this organizer gives your little one space to play and bathe while still keeping everything you need within reach.

Another great tip? Shopping the Comforts line on to find premium baby products for a fraction of competitors' prices—and follow along on social media to see product releases and news at @comfortsforbaby.

This article was sponsored by The Kroger Co. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

Our Partners

Every week, we stock the Motherly Shop with innovative and fresh products from brands we feel good about. We want to be certain you don't miss anything, so to keep you in the loop, we're providing a cheat sheet.

So, what's new this week?

Meri Meri: Decor and gifts that bring the wonder of childhood to life

We could not be more excited to bring the magic of Meri Meri to the Motherly Shop. For over 30 years, their playful line of party products, decorations, children's toys and stationery have brought magic to celebrations and spaces all over the world. Staring as a kitchen table endeavor with some scissors, pens and glitter in Los Angeles in 1985, Meri Meri (founder Meredithe Stuart-Smith's childhood nickname) has evolved from a little network of mamas working from home to a team of 200 dreaming up beautiful, well-crafted products that make any day feel special.

We've stocked The Motherly Shop with everything from Halloween must-haves to instant-heirloom gifts kiddos will adore. Whether you're throwing a party or just trying to make the everyday feel a little more special, we've got you covered.

Not sure where to start? Here's what we're adding to our cart:

Keep reading Show less
Chrissy Teigen/Instagram

When Chrissy Teigen announced her third pregnancy earlier this year we were so happy for her and now our hearts are with her as she is going through a pain that is unimaginable for many, but one that so many other mothers know.

Halfway through a high-risk pregnancy complicated by placenta issues, Teigen announced late Wednesday that she has suffered a pregnancy loss.

Our deepest condolences go out to Chrissy and her husband, John Legend (who has been by her side in the hospital for several days now).

In a social media post, Teigen explained she named this baby Jack.


"We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we've never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn't enough," she wrote.

She continued: "We never decide on our babies' names until the last possible moment after they're born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever."

Keep reading Show less