Motherly’s 2019 State of Motherhood survey results

Discover key findings from Motherly's 2019 survey on motherhood, revealing the joys and challenges parents face today.
Table of Contents
- Among the key findings:
- 1. Motherhood and me
- 2. Impact to relationship + sex life
- 3. Work + the millennial mom
- 4. Impact of parenting on work
- 5. Attitudes toward work + parenting
- 6. Support at work
- 7. Support at home
- 8. Raising the next generation
- 9. Looking for guidance
- 10. Finances + family
- Closing
- Media coverage: Motherly's 2019 State of Motherhood survey results
- Internal coverage: Motherly's 2019 State of Motherhood survey results
At Motherly, we believe that motherhood matters. As the voice of today’s modern mother, with a 20M+ monthly unique audience, we set out in our second annual State of Motherhood Survey to better understand the experience of motherhood as it stands right now —and to help the world discover and understand that story. What we found is that Millennial mothers feel even more defined by motherhood than they did last year, but in 2019 they are also more likely to feel unsupported by society. A full 85% of moms don’t think society understands or supports the women who are supporting the next generation, that’s up more than 10% over last year. The second annual State of Motherhood survey results have been reported by Forbes , Huffington Post , USA TODAY , Real Simple and other outlets, and continue to attract media attention. Our internal team continues to unpack the survey data to create thought-leading content for our audience. The survey, conducted online March 28 – April 11, 2019, was answered by 6,457 respondents and offers compelling insights into the attitudes, behaviors, identities and lifestyle of Millennial mothers—the most highly educated, first digitally-native generation of women to become mothers. Data was run on April 16th by Edge Research to weight all data to align with US Census demographic data ensuring results are a statistically accurate representation of today’s Millennial mother. Read the full survey report here.
Among the key findings:
1. Motherhood and me
This year finds an even larger proportion of Millennial moms saying that since becoming a parent, they are “most strongly defined by their motherhood at 67% up from 59% in the 2018 survey. Continuing with the trend from last year, this is most true for younger moms (76% of moms under 30), those with more than one child (77%) and those who are not in the workforce (82%). While 76% of moms under 30 feel most defined by motherhood, only 62% of moms over 35 say the same, suggesting that as moms mature, they retain or re-connect with other aspects of their identity. Importantly, one-third of Millennial moms say they are “most strong defined by other non-motherhood aspects of their life and self.” Data reference Q16: Select which best describes how you view your identity.2. Impact to relationship + sex life
Most moms in the sample are married (91%) or living with a partner (6%). Similar to the 2018 findings, majorities report that having children has brought them closer together with their partners (74%), while one-fifth (21%) admit that parenthood has pulled them apart. Spending time together with their partners (33%) and sex life (26%) top the list of parent-related relationship tension. This year, moms report that sex is a pressure point in even greater numbers than last year (up from 16% in 2018). Money worries rounds out the top three relationship tensions at 19% while parenting differences remains lowest on the list at 9%. Interestingly, pressure points of time spent together and sex cut across all relationships in equal measure regardless of number of children and working outside the home:
3. Work + the millennial mom
Nearly identical to the 2018 survey, 53% of Millennial moms in the sample are working full-time, 15% part-time and 28% are not in the workforce currently. The majority of Millennial moms surveyed (54%) had a mom who worked outside the house on a regular basis. Among those working and in relationships, 39% report contributing half or more of the household income; while 43% contribute between a quarter and one-half and 16% contribute less than a quarter. Financial need is down a bit from last year, though remains the top reason for Millennials moms to work (75% in 2019 compared to 83% in 2018). However, as we saw last year, the desire to work is evident as well. Both full-time (49%) and part-time working moms (53%) point to a “desire to participate in work outside the household.” And more than a third (36%) of working moms are motivated by a commitment to their career. Similar to 2018, desire to participate in the workforce is evident among non- working moms as well with 63% saying they intend to return to the workforce in the future. Data reference Q22: Are you employed? Q24: If “Yes”, which best matches your reason for working? Select all that apply. Q34: How much of your family’s annual household income do you contribute? Q40: If you don’t currently work, are you planning to re-enter the paid workforce (part time or full time) at some point in the future?4. Impact of parenting on work
Motherly dove deep into how moms are making work and motherhood work for them – or not. Overall half (50%) of Millennial women surveyed report making a change to their work status since becoming a mother. Nine-in-ten (90%) part-time working moms say they changed their work status since becoming a parent, as did a quarter (24%) of full-time working moms. Among moms not currently employed, 73% report changing their work status, mostly to becoming stay-at-home moms. Most obviously for part-time working moms is changing to working fewer hours, i.e., moving to part-time from full-time (55%); followed by working from home (11%) or getting a more flexible role (7%). For moms who have continued full-time work, the most common changes are getting a more flexible role (10%), working fewer hours (6%), and working from home (4%) are the main ways they are adapting work to motherhood. Examining the reasons behind why moms have adjusted their approach to work a mixed bag. For some (22%) it is about adjusting to new responsibilities. For others (20%) work became less important. A small but significant number (10%) also point to employer conditions not being conducive to working and parenting for a variety of reasons including the cost of childcare, inability to strike a work-life balance or the work culture not being supportive. Data reference Q25: Have you changed your work status (i.e., full time to part time, etc.) in some way since becoming a parent? Q26: If “Yes”, please describe how your job situation has changed since becoming a parent; Q27: If “Yes Adjusted Work Status, which best describes the reason for adjusting your approach to work?5. Attitudes toward work + parenting
While the 2018 survey found most Millennial moms (78%) had mixed feelings about combining a career and motherhood, saying while “it’s possible to have both, there are real trade-offs.” This year, Motherly asked the question a bit differently, but again we see some mixed emotions. Just about half (51%) say, “I feel discouraged: it’s extremely challenging managing trade-offs,” while a third (33%) say, “I feel optimistic, I believe it’s possible to combine them creatively.” Perhaps of greater concern is that so few Millennial moms feel empowered by working. Fewer than 1-in-10 (9%) feel that becoming a mother has helped them in their career and the majority of those (59%) say they have felt that way since their child was a baby, indicating that this empowering is coming from within, rather than the workplace recognizing and validating the contributions of working moms. Yet, when asked how work impacts their parenting skills, more than half of working moms (55%) say that working has empowered or inspired them to be a better mother. This holds true for working moms of all backgrounds and both full and part-time. Even more positively, 90% say their work choice has helped them set a positive example for their children – again equally true for full-time and part-time working moms. Data reference: Q29: Which best describes your mentality around combining a career and motherhood? Q30: If you answered empowered, when did that feeling take hold? (If you did not, please select “not applicable.”); Q38: If you are employed, does your work empower or inspire you to be a better mother? Q39: Do you believe that your work choice helps you to set a positive example for your children?6. Support at work
Topping the list of the ways in which employers could better support mothers is longer, paid maternity leave (24%), followed by on-site childcare or childcare subsidies (21%), so in total 45% would like more support from employers in the transition to motherhood and ongoing support of child-rearing . Combined, flexible schedules (12%) and remote work opportunities (15%) make up the second big request from working moms – helping them better fit the need to work into the necessities of being a parent. Encouragingly most working moms feel their place of employment is supportive of breastfeeding. Among those for whom it applies, 69% reported their employer provides adequate breastfeeding support in the form of time, privacy, etc. But there is still some work to be done in this regard: Just over 1-in-10 (12%) say their employer does not provide adequate support and another 15% say that even though their employer provides the space and breastfeeding is looked down upon in the culture of their workplace. These moms feel judged by both managers and co-workers. Data reference: Q35: If you are employed, how could your employer best support you as a mother? Q36: If you are employed, does your employer provide adequate breastfeeding support? (i.e. time, privacy); Q37: If yes, but culturally you feel it is looked down upon, at what level do you feel like it is not accepted?7. Support at home
Most of the moms in the sample are with a partner and majority of those partners (98%) are working as well. As we saw last year, the majority (59%) say their partner’s career has not changed, while a significant minority (31%) say their partner has scaled up his or her career. Partner scale-up is most common among couples who have two or more children (38% for two or more children compared to 26% for one child) or where mom is not working (45%, compared to 35% when mom is working part-time or 22% when full-time). So, there is evidence that partners see the need to step up their economic contribution to the household after becoming a parent; but it is important to recognize that the age of respondents (in their 30s) means that their career trajectory would typically pick up at this point. When asked directly about how supported they feel at home, working moms say partners have some room to improve with 68% saying they feel supported by their partners, but 28% saying “only sometimes.” This “sometimes” qualifier manifests itself in the results of other lines of questioning about how much moms are doing for the household. When asked where they need the most support since becoming a mom, survey respondents most frequently point to their physical and mental health (33%), followed by home (25%) and with their spouse (24%). These numbers come to life when you consider:- 4-in-10 (43%) report not going out with friends in the past month (non-working moms are even more likely to say this (52% compared to 40% among working moms)
- Nearly 5-in-10 (47%) have not gone out on a date with their partner (also more likely to be true of non-working moms at 54% compared to 44%
- 6-in-10 (61%) report handling most of the household chores and responsibilities themselves, with 32% saying they are shared equally and 5% who say their partner does the household lift
- 6-in-10 (62%) also say that in the last day, they had less than one hour to themselves without work or family obligations.
8. Raising the next generation
Once again Motherly asked about parenting style and the qualities Millennial moms are trying to instill in the next generation. As we found last year, “kindness” is the single character trait the most moms want to cultivate in their children, holding steady as the top choice by 46%.
9. Looking for guidance
When it comes to being inspired as parents, Millennial moms continue to follow the Three F’s – Family, Fellow Moms and Faith. This year, family lost a little bit of traction, down to 36% from 45% in 2018; while fellow moms shows an uptick to 26% from 19% last year. Faith held fairly steady at 18% this year compared to 20% in 2018. As we saw last year, family is even more important to Latina moms at 41% than it is to white moms (34%); while African-American moms draw more on faith (25%) than other moms do. When it comes to seeking guidance for a parenting challenge, sources are consistent with 2018. The survey asked, “the last time you faced a parenting challenge, who or what did you first turn to?” and family is on the spot. Just over a third (38%) of Millennial moms in the survey say the go-to source for their latest parenting challenge was family, peaking among Latina moms at 42%. As a source of parenting advice, Google at 16% slightly edges out friends at 14%. Data reference: Q18: What is your most important source of inspiration as a parent? Q21: The last time you faced a parenting challenge, who or what did you first turn to?10. Finances + family
By far, housing is the greatest expense for Millennial parents – the single largest expense for 69%. In a distant second, 10% say their biggest monthly expense is childcare at 10%, which climbs to 17% among working moms. The majority (59%) report that less than 10% of their monthly incomes goes to childcare – still 30% say it is between 11-25% and another 11% say childcare accounts for 26% or more of their monthly expenses. Not surprisingly, this expense is most acute among working moms where 45% report childcare accounting for 11-25% of their monthly spend. Date Reference: Q43: Which monthly bill is most expensive? Q44: What percentage of your monthly household income goes to childcare?Closing
This year, Millennial moms said even more strongly that (85%, compared to 74% in 2018) that society does not a good job of understanding and supporting mothers. This view is held across groups regardless of race, ethnicity, age, number of children and so on.
Media coverage: Motherly’s 2019 State of Motherhood survey results

- Forbes: Motherly’s Annual Survey Finds 85% Of Millennial Moms Say Society Doesn’t Support Mothers
- Huffington Post: Sex After Baby: Moms Are Doing It Before They’re Ready, Survey Finds
- USA Today: Motherly surveyed moms and the state of motherhood in the US is trash, except for one thing
- Real Simple: Most Moms Want Their Kids to Have This Quality Above All Others, Survey Says
- Moms.com: Millennial Moms Are Committed To Bringing Back Kindness
- Forbes: Despite The Odds, Educated Single Black Mothers Are Dominating Corporate America
- Romper: This “Inspirational” Quote About Motherhood Has Twitter In An Uproar — And It Should
- Cheddar: Millennial Moms Don’t Feel Society Supports Them: Survey
Internal coverage: Motherly’s 2019 State of Motherhood survey results

- 85% of moms don’t think society understands or supports motherhood
- New moms spend 105 days tired at work after maternity leave
- Nearly a third of millennial moms are having postpartum sex before they feel ready (and that’s not okay)
- No country is on target for gender equality—and that’s hurting mothers, especially
- The invisible labor of motherhood is real—and it’s burning us out
- Being married doesn’t lessen a mother’s mental load, says recent study
- 85% of fathers would do anything to be home with their baby, says new survey
- Burnout is real, says the World Health Organization (and mothers everywhere)
- ‘Self-care’ is not enough to fix how much moms are burnt out
- Parental leave policies need to recognize *all* parents
- Survey: Millennial moms are committed to bringing back kindness
- CDC: US birth rate falls to lowest level in decades
- Report: If men did 50 minutes of unpaid work a day we could close the gender gap
- Don’t underestimate the way paid paternity leave benefits moms, babies *and* companies
- Why American moms are the most stressed out moms in the Western world