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A powerful and thought-provoking viral video is calling out the ridiculous expectations women everywhere deal with when it comes to beauty, their bodies and behavior.

It's called "Be a Lady They Said," and it's honestly pretty hard to watch without getting angry. The video—featuring actress and activist Cynthia Nixon narrating a piece from the writer Camille Rainville—calls out the impossible standards women are told to aspire to, and how often those standards contradict each other.

"Don't be too fat. Don't be too thin. Eat up. Slim down." Those words might feel chillingly familiar to any woman who's ever had to deal with unwanted comments about her figure (which is basically every woman, right?)

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The lines in the video prove that women are hit by competing messages constantly when it comes to personal appearance, sexuality, work and nearly every facet of life.

It is so similar to what mothers hear every day. We're often told to parent like we don't work, but show up at the office as if we aren't parents. We're told to exclusively breastfeed, but then denied the time and places in which to do it. We're told we should want to stay home with our kids full-time, but also criticized for not working. We're told to practice self-care, but also expected to do what amounts to a second shift after we get home from work.

The impossibility of womanhood is so clear in Nixon's viral video.

"Go on a diet. Watch what you eat. Eat celery. Chew gum. Drink lots of water. You have to fit into those jeans. God, you look like a skeleton. Why don't you just eat? You look emaciated," Nixon says.

She continues: "Dress modestly. Don't be a temptress. Men can't control themselves. Men have needs. You look frumpy. Loosen up. Show some skin. Look sexy. Look hot. Don't be so provocative. You're asking for it...

Don't talk too loud. Don't talk too much. Don't take up space. Don't sit like that. Don't stand like that. Don't be intimidating. Why are you so miserable? Don't be a bitch. Don't be so bossy. Don't be assertive. Don't overact. Don't be so emotional. Don't cry. Don't yell. Don't swear. Be passive. Be obedient. Endure the pain. Be pleasing. Don't complain. Let him down easy."

"Lift your face, lift your tummy, perk up your boobs. Look natural. You're trying too hard." Are you angry yet? Visceral images (some of the NSFW) flash by on the screen as each bit of "advice" is relayed—women bearing their bodies, undergoing cosmetic procedures, looking seductive, looking sweet. There are also flashes of men—like President Trump and Harvey Weinstein—who've become flashpoints in the #MeToo movement. While it may be women who are subjected to ever-shifting rules about how they should present themselves, the video reminds us that it's powerful men who have largely shaped those rules.

The video has wracked up more than four and a half million views since it hit Vimeo just a few days ago. While it's certainly a difficult watch, it's an important one, well worth the roughly three minute time investment. "Just be a lady they said," it ends—after showing us the utter impossibility of following that direction.

When I was expecting my first child, I wanted to know everything that could possibly be in store for his first year.

I quizzed my own mom and the friends who ventured into motherhood before I did. I absorbed parenting books and articles like a sponge. I signed up for classes on childbirth, breastfeeding and even baby-led weaning. My philosophy? The more I knew, the better.

Yet, despite my best efforts, I didn't know it all. Not by a long shot. Instead, my firstborn, my husband and I had to figure it out together—day by day, challenge by challenge, triumph by triumph.

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The funny thing is that although I wanted to know it all, the surprises—those moments that were unique to us—were what made that first year so beautiful.

Of course, my research provided a helpful outline as I graduated from never having changed a diaper to conquering the newborn haze, my return to work, the milestones and the challenges. But while I did need much of that tactical knowledge, I also learned the value of following my baby's lead and trusting my gut.

I realized the importance of advice from fellow mamas, too. I vividly remember a conversation with a friend who had her first child shortly before I welcomed mine. My friend, who had already returned to work after maternity leave, encouraged me to be patient when introducing a bottle and to help my son get comfortable with taking that bottle from someone else.

Yes, from a logistical standpoint, that's great advice for any working mama. But I also took an incredibly important point from this conversation: This was less about the act of bottle-feeding itself, and more about what it represented for my peace of mind when I was away from my son.

This fellow mama encouraged me to honor my emotions and give myself permission to do what was best for my family—and that really set the tone for my whole approach to parenting. Because honestly, that was just the first of many big transitions during that first year, and each of them came with their own set of mixed emotions.

I felt proud and also strangely nostalgic as my baby seamlessly graduated to a sippy bottle.

I felt my baby's teething pain along with him and also felt confident that we could get through it with the right tools.

I felt relieved as my baby learned to self-soothe by finding his own pacifier and also sad to realize how quickly he was becoming his own person.



As I look back on everything now, some four years and two more kids later, I can't remember the exact day my son crawled, the project I tackled on my first day back at work, or even what his first word was. (It's written somewhere in a baby book!)

But I do remember how I felt with each milestone: the joy, the overwhelming love, the anxiety, the exhaustion and the sense of wonder. That truly was the greatest gift of the first year… and nothing could have prepared me for all those feelings.

This article was sponsored by Dr. Brown's. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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As mamas we want our babies to be safe, and that's what makes what happened to Glee actress Naya Rivera and her 4-year-old son Josey so heartbreaking.

On July 13, the Ventura County Sheriff's Department announced the 33-year-old mother's body was found at Lake Piru, five days after her son was found floating alone on a rented boat. According to Ventura County Sheriff Bill Ayub, Rivera's last action was to save her son.

"We know from speaking with her son that he and Naya swam in the lake together at some point in her journey. It was at that time that her son described being helped into the boat by Naya, who boosted him onto the deck from behind. He told investigators that he looked back and saw her disappear under the surface of the water," Ayub explained, adding that Rivera's son was wearing his life vest, but the adult life vest was left on the unanchored boat.

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Ayub says exactly what caused the drowning is still speculation but investigators believe the boat started drifting and that Rivera "mustered enough energy to get her son back onto the boat but not enough to save herself."

Our hearts are breaking for Josey and his dad right now. So much is unknown about what happened on Lake Piru but one thing is crystal clear: Naya Rivera has always loved her son with all her heart.

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