Need a minute,
mama?
Get the best of Motherly—delivered to your inbox.
(We thought so.)
Subscribe to the Motherly Minute
for need-to-know parenting
news + top product recommendations
delivered daily to your inbox.

By subscribing, you agree to our Privacy Policy
and Terms & Conditions

Welcome to
#Team Motherly.

Check your inbox for an email
to confirm your subscription
—we can’t wait to start bringing
the best of Motherly right to you.

x
Hilary Duff

Hilary Duff gives us a look at her real home birth in new, powerful video

Print Friendly and PDF

No pregnancy and birth are exactly the same. Each of us has a unique story, and so do our babies. As Hilary Duff proves, a mother's second birth story isn't a just a rerun of her first.

Motherhood changes people, and for Duff welcoming her second child, daughter Banks, at age 31 was a very different experience than birthing her son, Luka, when she was 24.

Luka was born in a hospital, while Banks was born at home, and Duff recently shared a video of that amazing day on Instagram.

Hilary Duff on Instagram: “I’ve been wondering for a long time if I would ever share this video as it is extremely personal.... it was so absolutely lovely and…”

FEATURED VIDEO

Sharing this video clip isn't the first time Duff has opened up about her home birth. In a two-part interview for the Informed Pregnancy podcast released last fall, Duff admitted that at some points in her home birth she was scared and asked herself why she wasn't in a hospital "with all the drugs," but she says she's so glad she did it this way and would totally do it again.

During her first pregnancy, Duff says she started out wanting an elective C-section (although she did not end up having surgery). She was 23 when she and ex-husband Mike Comrie found out they were expecting, and she didn't have a lot of peers who were having kids. She was really scared.

More than five years later, during her pregnancy with Banks, Duff was way more confident as a woman and a mom. She watched Ricki Lake's 2008 documentary "The Business of Being Born" and started considering a different kind of birth plan the second time around.

"I'm older now. I love motherhood more than anything—I never thought I would be this way, I never thought I could be so happy and so fulfilled. It's not easy, because being a parent is not easy, but it's just a joy. And I thought to myself that I want to like fully get the full experience of what it is like to bring a baby into the world," Duff tells the host of Informed Pregnancy, prenatal chiropractor, childbirth educator and labor doula Dr. Elliot Berlin.

Having support from Matt, Haylie and her mom

When Duff brought the idea up with her partner, Matthew Koma, he "was amazing," she explains. He had some questions, but was down to support Duff in her birthing choices.

Duff says she thinks her mom Susan and sister Haylie were "nervous to think about not being in a hospital" at first, but once Duff explained things a bit and got to talk to them about her doula and midwives, Haylie got really pumped about the idea.

"She was so supportive and amazing. I think my mom was a little more worried but she got behind me," Duff recalls, adding that because her mom had C-sections herself, even seeing Duff deliver Luka vaginally in a hospital was a bit of a different experience for her, so being there for the home birth was taking things to an unfamiliar level.

"The first time she saw me having a contraction in the house she was cooking bacon for Luka," Duff explains, adding that she had to pause the conversation she was having and squat down during the contraction.

With the family around and the TV on, Duff's labor progressed a little slower than she'd imagined.

"When I pictured my birth I didn't picture watching Guardians of the Galaxy on TV. Luka was like explaining the characters to me," she explains.

The birth

Duff says when she was moved to the birthing tub, her brain really let her body take over. After the birth she estimated she was in the tub for about 30 minutes, but Koma told her it was really more like 90. "My brain disconnected," she says. "I remember telling myself that I don't need to be here for all of this."

At one point, she looked at one of her midwives and said, 'I'm really scared right now." Exhausted and unable to hold her body up as she channeled all her energy into pushing, Duff let her team hold her legs and arms while she pushed.

When Banks' head emerged, it didn't feel quite like the birth videos Duff has seen.

"Honestly, when I got her head out I was shocked by the feelings," she told Dr. Berlin. "I've seen women reach down and pull their baby out, and I couldn't do that…I was like, okay I'm there, I'm there, I've got to finish this job, but it was like really intense. It wasn't pleasant at that point. I think I wasn't fully in my headspace, my body was doing what it needed to do. It wasn't until her body came out that I could like want to grab onto her and bring her up out of the water."

Baby Banks needed some breaths from a midwife when she was first pulled from the water, but because her son Luka was also born looking a little blue, Duff says she wasn't freaked out. Once she figured out how to breathe, little Banks did "the most amazing thing," her mama recalls.

"They hand her to me, and I'm looking at her—and you know, babies are like floppy little worms, they just don't have any control—and she reaches up both of her arms right at my neck as to give me a hug. It was so clearly a hug."

Duff says the hug made her feel like baby Banks was saying something: "Like, good [teamwork] mom, we did it."

To hear the whole interview, check out the Informed Pregnancy podcast.

[This article was originally published November 14, 2018. It has been updated.]

You might also like:

The very best of Motherly — delivered when you need it most.
Subscribe for inspiration, empowering articles and expert tips to rock your best #momlife.

Subscribe for inspiration, empowering articles and expert tips to rock your best #momlife.

Thanks for subscribing!

Check your email for a confirmation message.

By subscribing, you agree to our Privacy Policy and Terms & Conditions

As a mid-Spring holiday, we never knew exactly what to expect from the weather on Easter when I was growing up in Michigan: Would we get to wear our new Sunday dresses without coats? Or would we be hunting for eggs while wearing snowsuits?

Although what the temperature had in store was really anyone's guess, there were a few special traditions my sister and I could always depend on—and it won't come as a surprise to anyone who knows me that my favorite memories revolved around food. After all, experts say memories are strongest when they tie senses together, which certainly seems to be true when it comes to holiday meals that involve the sounds of laughter and the taste of amazing food.

Now that I'm a parent, I'm experiencing Easter anew as my children discover the small delights of chocolate, pre-church brunch and a multi-generational dinner. While I still look forward to the treats and feasting, I'm realizing now that the sweetest thing of all is how these traditions bring our family together around one table.

For us, the build-up to Easter eats is an extended event. Last year's prep work began weeks in advance when my 3-year-old and I sat down to plan the brunch menu, which involved the interesting suggestion of "green eggs and ham." When the big morning rolled around, his eyes grew to the size of Easter eggs out of pure joy when the dish was placed on the table.

This year, rather than letting the day come and go in a flash, we are creating traditions that span weeks and allow even the littlest members of the family to feel involved.

Still, as much as I love enlisting my children's help, I also relish the opportunity to create some magic of my own with their Easter baskets—even if the Easter Bunny gets the credit. This year, I'm excited to really personalize the baskets by getting an "adoptable" plush unicorn for my daughter and the Kinder Chocolate Mini Eggs that my son hasn't stopped talking about since seeing at the store. (You can bet this mama is stocking up on some for herself, too.)

At the same time, Easter as a parent has opened my eyes to how much effort can be required...

There is the selection of the right Easter outfits for picture-perfect moments.

There is the styling of custom Easter baskets.

There is the filling of plastic eggs and strategic placement of them throughout the yard.

But when the cameras are put away and we all join together around the table for the family dinner at the end of the day, I can finally take a deep breath and really enjoy—especially with the knowledge that doing the dishes is my husband's job.

This article was sponsored by Kinder. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.


Our Partners

[Editor's note: Dr. Anna Zimmermann is a mom of three, a neonatologist and the voice behind Mighty Littles, a blog and podcast about NICU families. When her own son contracted COVID-19 her blog and social media posts about his illness went viral. Excerpts from those posts have been republished here with her permission.]

When I started Mighty Littles, I never intended to write about my children being in the hospital. I planned to write about the resiliency I see in parents in the NICU, how parenting changes over time, and how big events shape who we are as parents. However, seeing as how the world has been taken over by COVID-19, and now so has my family, I need to write about it. I have to write about it. COVID-19 has consumed my thoughts and fears for the last week, and I'm not the only one.

FEATURED VIDEO

As a physician, I followed the outbreak of COVID-19 in China and Italy closely. Although no state or federal mandate was in place, we pulled our kids out of Jiujitsu and swimming lessons early, because we believed this virus was dangerous before many people started to take it seriously. The kids continued to go to preschool and kindergarten, and their last day at school was March 12th. The state of Colorado closed schools starting March 16th.

Since March 12th, the kids have not left the house. My husband went to Costco once. I went to Target once. My kids never went on a playdate. I wouldn't let them go across the street to talk to their neighborhood friends. We adopted the stay-at-home recommendations early and stuck to them. We did everything right.

But Lincoln got sick.

On March 21st, Lincoln sneezed a few times, I thought it was allergies. The following day he got a stuffy nose and slight cough. He didn't have a fever and I wasn't super worried, I assumed he picked up a little cold. On March 27th, he got a fever—a high fever to 104.5. He looked miserable and pathetic. I started to worry.

We saw the pediatrician first thing in the morning on March 28th, got a diagnosis of pneumonia after a viral illness (totally reasonable) and we did oral antibiotics and oxygen at home for the next 48 hours. He had moments where he looked totally fine, and other moments where he looked sick. But overall, I thought he was okay.

By Monday, March 30th, he was needing more and more support and oxygen and was admitted to the hospital.


COVID-19 cough youtu.be

I knew walking into the hospital that we would be there for a few days—I thought three, maybe four. I knew that he would be placed on a "COVID rule out"—where they treat him as if he has it until the testing comes back negative. And because I am familiar with hospital policies on COVID, I knew that I would not be able to leave his room until his testing was negative.

So walking into the hospital, I had one sick 4-year old, two near-empty oxygen tanks, and three bags—one for our clothes, one for his comfort items and snacks and my computer bag. I also had four hours of built-up anxiety rolling around in my head wondering what was going on with my son and why he was quickly getting worse.

The admission was smooth and we got settled into our room: IV, labs, swabs, meds, oxygen all got done by the wonderful staff. At the time of admission, he needed 2 Liters (L) of oxygen. That same night, he progressed up to needing 4L. By the next day, he was on 6L and then 9L.

He was working so hard to breathe—using all of the muscles in his chest, abdomen, and neck to help him breathe. As a doctor, I knew he was working hard to breathe. The medical terms used to describe respiratory distress—seesaw breathing, nasal flaring, grunting, retracting, tachypneic—he had them all.

As a mom, it was torture watching him struggle.

Over those first two days in the hospital, labs and information started coming back. His Complete Blood Count (CBC) didn't show classic signs of COVID infection. His other measures of infection—CRP and Procalcitonin—were not significantly elevated. His chest X-ray looked pretty good. He was changed to two IV antibiotics—Ampicillin and Azithromycin. He started receiving Albuterol treatments. And viral testing was pending.

During that first two days, he just continued to get worse. His labs and Xray didn't look like Coronavirus, but he was just getting worse quickly.

At about 7 pm on our second night in the hospital, we got the news. The nighttime doctor came in and introduced herself and took a look at Lincoln. Then she told me—Lincoln had tested positive for COVID-19.

I just started crying. He was getting worse quickly and now I was scared.

His timeline didn't fit. His labs didn't fit. His X-ray didn't fit. We took all the precautions.

How did this happen? Why did this happen? I don't understand.

How sick is he going to get? How long will this last? How long will we be in the hospital? What if the rest of my family gets as sick as Lincoln?

I did everything right. I was supposed to keep my family safe and I failed. And, yes, I know I didn't. But how can those thoughts not go through your head when your little boy has the scariest virus in on the planet right now?

How did this happen? How? I still don't understand. I cried for nearly four hours off and on that night. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't turn my brain off. I was terrified.

At the same time, I was relieved. If his COVID test had been negative, I would be terrified to go home and constantly be wondering "what if he gets COVID now?" At least now I know he has COVID. And I know he shouldn't get it again.

After five days in the hospital, Lincoln is starting to feel a better and after seven days he was finally discharged.

Being in the hospital was completely isolating. I wasn't allowed to leave his room. No one was allowed to come into his room. The nurses and physicians came in to assess him wearing all their personal protective equipment (PPE), but they minimize the number of times they entered into the room to preserve gear.

My husband was at home with my girls. We can't hug each other. I can't hug my girls. My family is split up and we feel so far away.

Despite the isolation here in the hospital, all around me, there has been a huge outpouring of support from our community. Both of our employers have been nothing but supportive. Our school community put together a meal train to deliver dinner to Chris and the girls nightly—which turns out to be a Godsend since they can't leave the house. Our neighbors dropped off healthy fresh berries at the house and sent a care package to me with shower wipes, face cleaning wipes, and dry shampoo. Did I mention I don't have a shower???

We live in a world where people are becoming more and more separate. More divided—by social status, by wealth, by politics, and by religion. If one thing is positive about our COVID journey, it is that our community came together to support us. People we barely know. People we don't know. Friends of friends of friends.

We are forever grateful and blessed because our community supported us. And no one blamed or shamed us for our son testing positive. I hope that this sense of community will persist after we move back towards our daily lives after COVID.

Please stay safe. Please stay healthy. Please take this virus seriously—it is no joke. And please reach out to your friends and neighbors and friends of friends who are struggling through this pandemic.

Lincoln was released from the hospital one week after his admission. He remains on oxygen at home and Dr. Zimmermann will continue to update her blog and social media sites about his recovery over the next several weeks.



News

We're used to seeing Dove crank out ad campaigns celebrating body acceptance but this week the company launched a new ad that celebrates something so deserving of attention: The beautiful courage of our front line health care workers.

The new video shows health care workers' selfies, taken when their faces where dented and bruised from their masks, when their eyes were sad and tired and their hearts clearly heavy. These are the people keeping us safe right now, and we need to see them.

Dove | Courage is Beautiful www.youtube.com

The short, now-viral video debuted in the U.S. this week but follows an earlier version that launched in Canada on April 5. The American version of the video notes how Dove is donating to Direct Relief to help health care workers in the U.S.

FEATURED VIDEO

As the New York Times reports, doctors, nurses and other health care workers are facing extreme risks right now, and those speaking out about the lack of personal protective equipment and other safeguards are risking their livelihoods. These health care professionals are making extraordinary sacrifices, even separating from their own children to care for other families.

Courage www.youtube.com

This week an ER clerk, a 34-year-old mother of twin 8-year-old boys, died after contracting COVID-19 at work. In Staten Island, a nurse lost her life to COVID-19 this week. And this week reports emerged about the first American doctor to die from COVID-19 and how he had to reuse his masks.

We need to face the courage of these front line workers and Dove's new ad campaign is helping us do that. Women represent 70% of workers in the health care industry. Our fellow mothers are fighting for us and these videos remind us to fight for them.

News

Among the many little things we truly miss from #lifebeforecoronavirus it's devouring the tasty treats from Disney. But it turns out you can create that same Disney magic at home.

The Disney Parks blog and app recently shared popular recipes as its parks continue to remain closed and the Dole Whip and churros are the exact sweets we need to get us through this challenging time.

For the unfamiliar, the Dole Whip is a creamy, frozen pineapple treat that melts in your mouth. It's so refreshing and can be vegan and dairy-free, depending on the ingredients you use.

Or, if you're into baking, you'll love the traditional Spanish and Portuguese churro that the park sells more than 5.5 million of each year. That's a huge hit for the park, and we're hoping it's a winner for families, too.

FEATURED VIDEO

Here's the Dole Whip recipe for a single serving according to the Disneyland app:


Ingredients:

  • 1 big scoop of ice cream
  • 4 oz of pineapple juice
  • 2 cups of frozen pineapple

Instructions:

  • Add all ingredients to a blender until it's a thick drink.
  • Add your swirl and then you're done.

And, here's the churro recipe:

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup water
  • 8 tablespoons butter
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
  • 3 eggs
  • 1 1/2 cups vegetable or canola oil
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon, divided

Instructions:

  1. Combine water, butter, salt, and 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon in 1 1/2-quart saucepan over medium heat. Bring pot to rolling boil.
  2. Reduce heat to low.
  3. Add flour and stir vigorously until mix forms a ball. Remove from heat and let rest for 5 to 7 minutes.
  4. Add eggs, one at a time, and stir until combined. Set aside.
  5. Heat oil in medium skillet or one-quart saucepan over medium-high heat or until temperature reaches 350 degrees.
  6. Spoon dough into piping bag fitted with large star tip. Pipe one-inch strip of dough over saucepan, cut with knife, and drop into hot oil. Repeat until churro bites fill saucepan with room to fry.
  7. Fry churro bites until golden brown. Remove with slotted spoon or mesh spider strainer.
  8. Drain churro bites on paper towel.
  9. Mix sugar and 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon in medium bowl. Toss in churro bites until coated. Place on serving plate and serve with favorite dipping sauce.
News

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are abiding by social isolation recommendations with their 5-year-old son, Silas. The family of three has been holed up in their vacation home in Montana and while Timberlake says they're doing good (and grateful to be in a place where they have some outdoor space for Silas) he admits he and Biel are missing having help.

During an interview with SiriusXM's Hits 1 this week Timberlake was asked how his marriage is holding up under the stress of isolation. "We're doing good," he said. "We're mostly commiserating over the fact that 24-hour parenting is just not human. It's not. "

FEATURED VIDEO

He's not wrong. Parenting isn't something we are supposed to do in isolation. Throughout history, we've had support from extended family, friends and our communities, the proverbial village. And now we don't have that, which means we don't have breaks from our kids—something Timberlake is missing.

Justin Timberlake on Being in Quarentine with Wife Jessica Biel youtu.be

He says sometimes even Silas looks up at him with an expression that shows he is needing some space from his dad, too. "Just a commercial break," Timberlake jokes.

We all need a commercial break from our kids sometimes. Experts say that in these tense times when togetherness is necessary and our kids need us more than ever, we also need to carve out space when we can by doing things like waking up 15 minutes before our kids do for a quiet coffee break, or maintaining a bedtime schedule to allow for some adult time at night.

Encouraging independent play is another way for parents to get some space when they need it. According to Biel, Silas (who just turned five this week) is super into Legos right now, so maybe he can build some projects on his own the next time he needs a commercial break from this dad.

News
Motherly provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only. This site does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Information on our advertising guidelines can be found here.