Photographer calls out dads’ behavior for family photos in viral TikTok

Something tells me that this video is going to ring true for a lot of moms out there—so brace yourselves. In a viral TikTok video, a mother (@lukesmom21) shared her disheartening experience with taking family photos.

“Well family pictures is over… my son didn’t sleep well last night so he threw a fit the entire time. And my husband ruined things since he had to go play Xbox. I felt ugly the entire time. I don’t even know if she got any good pictures.”

Related: These viral photos show why mom aren’t in more pictures

The video received thousands of comments from moms weighing in and sending support her way:

I’m sorry mama. You are beautiful!!! Hard days don’t last. You got this ♥️

This is literally why I do not have any family pictures 😒

It may seem silly to some but this literally hurts my stomach for you. I get it. It’s deeper than a picture.

As a photographer I can tell you this is 90% of photoshoots!! Including my own family photo sessions! Lol

And of course, the video also prompted some dispirting backlash, like one man responding “It’s literally just pictures bro. Calm down.“

Related: Dear husband: Thank you for taking the picture

Well, as a photographer myself, I can tell you that a photo is definitely more than “just” a picture. TikToker and family photographer @hannahholpay also agreed in a heated rant that she shared in response to the initial viral TikTok.

“I’m a photographer and I cannot express to you guys enough how many men show up to photoshoots throwing a fit because they have to be there,” she starts off.

“It absolutely drives me insane that these men are complaining, because as a mom and a wife and a photographer, I know that this mom booked the shoot because her husband never takes photos of her and never takes photos of her and her kids.”

Related: Dear dads: Take the picture

Whew. I know many moms can relate there. Out of the thousands of photos that we take of our kids—with our spouses, by themselves or with other family members—there aren’t many photos out there that capture us being a mom through someone else’s eyes. And the selfies don’t count.

As much as we beg dads to take the pictures of us and our babies, as much as we express that we want the candid, raw images of us in the depths of motherhood, as much as we wish that we could see ourselves being mothers through someone else’s lens—it’s rare that we get that.

“So the mom feels guilty looking back at all the photos realizing that she’s not in any of them, realizing that one day, she’s gonna die and there’s gonna be no good photos of her and her children for them to look back on.”

“You as a dad, you probably get that all of the time. People probably take pictures of you and your kids together all of the time. Your wife probably does that for you all of the time. And you’re sitting here complaining because you have to spend half an hour to an hour taking photos with the family that you created?!”

Related: Husbands, *this* is why we need you to take more pictures of us

Many mamas shared comments agreeing with family photographer @hannahholpay’s viral TikTok when it comes to dads’ behavior during family photos:

Their attitude always influences how the kids act as well, at least in my experience. If dad is cooperative, kids are too. If he’s not, they’re not.

Legit the reason why I booked a photo shoot for just me and my kids.

I’ve realized recently that all our photos of me are staged or selfies. I’ve taken so many beautiful photos of my husband… I’m growing bitter.

Also all the work that is put into planning outfits, finding a photographer, setting a date, location etc. All they have to do is show up.

My husband actually suggested we get new family photos taken this year. Social media makes me appreciate him more each day.

Related: Quitting social media made me a better parent

As a photographer myself, I can attest to the trueness of her venting. I’ve had many photoshoots where the dad shows up and is unenthused to be there—and it breaks my heart.

As a mom and wife, I have even been in similar situations with my own husband when it comes to family photos. He has expressed his dislike for taking photos, mentioning that it feels forced and unnatural. He doesn’t feel comfortable in front of the camera, but since having kids he has made an effort to show up and at least put a smile on his face when I schedule family photos. Most times it does not come without complaint from his end or some type of coercion to get him there in the first place, but I do appreciate his cooperation during the photos that allow us to at least get some good shots.

I witnessed my mother beg for our cooperation in family photos growing up, but never understood her angst until I became a mother and found myself in her shoes. I’m from a family of 11, and we probably have only one or two photos of all of us together taken a few years ago.

Related: Dear husband, thank you for taking the picture

I know that many mothers, including myself, don’t want to force their husbands to do something that they don’t want to do. After many conversations with my own husband and trying to understand things from his perspective (even though I admit that it is hard for me to at times) I have come to terms with treasuring the captured moments that we do have together and getting family photos taken when we can. If that’s every few years, then so be it. Because as a mom and as a wife, I don’t want to have to force capturing family photos.

And as a family photographer, I can tell that these are the same sentiments for many women who experience situations like these. It’s easy to tell us to “get over it” or that they’re “just” pictures and that we shouldn’t get all worked up.

But they’re not “just” photos. They’re still moments that we can pass down our bloodline. Because one day, we won’t be here. And God forbid that our children leave this earth before we do and then we’re left with little to no moments of us as a family or of candid stills of us being a mother.

Related: As a mom, I’m ‘Chief Memory Maker’—a job that is equal parts wonderful and hard

I often think that I’ll want my children to have those glimpses of the woman that I was and the many phases that I journeyed through in my lifetime. I want my grandchildren to have those glimpses. And my great-grandchildren. And as far down the line that those photos can be carried.

And while I’m still here, I’d like to have those moments with my loved ones to look back at and reflect on. Especially when life gets heavy. Especially when my husband is away for months on end for work. Especially when the busyness of the world doesn’t allot for much quality time for our family to spend together.

Especially when my marriage is going through a rough patch and those captured images with us smiling and looking deep into each other’s eyes remind us that our love can withstand anything. Especially when my babies are grown and we become empty nesters—and all I have are their photos to remind me of when they used to crawl up in my lap and rest on my chest.

Those moments are important. They matter. And even if they don’t seem as sentimental to many dads out there—who don’t like taking pictures, who don’t think that they’re a big deal, or God forbid who “has” to go play a video game—understand that these photos most often mean the world to your wife. And putting yourself aside for half an hour or an hour to capture those memories shouldn’t be a chore. It should be out of love—for both your partner and the family you guys created.

And we know this isn’t the case for every dad out there, but for the ones who may not want to be there, try thinking about why these photos are so important to your wife. And then try your best to make them count.