Home / Child / Child Nutrition These 6 words transformed my picky eaters Jennifer Bogle/Stocksy No picky eater stands a chance against "You don't have to eat it." By Charity Curley Mathews June 14, 2021 Jennifer Bogle/Stocksy Rectangle My third grader dragged his feet into the kitchen this morning and took one look at breakfast. âNope. Iâm not eating that,â he said. Then he stormed back to his room. In the past, I wouldâve gone after my son. I would have at least tried to cajole him into trying a bite. How does he even know he wonât like breakfast? Which by the way, was extra thick and creamy vanilla Greek yogurt topped with granola and blueberries so fresh and juicy they practically burst when you look at them. Itâs not a controversial meal. My three daughters ate, and enjoyed, the same breakfast. So why all the drama? Because heâs nine. Because heâs tired. Because his brain is literally developing as I type. Itâs not because the food is gross. Itâs not because Iâm a bad mom. What my child eats is just up to him. When I finally learned to stop taking my kidsâ behavior so personally, a whole new world opened up. A world full of peace. I mean, mostly. I wish I could triumphantly proclaim that I donât stress out anymore, but parenting is still exhausting sometimes. Of course it is! Sometimes I wonder which phase will do me in for goodâBickering? Back talking? Leaving underwear and stretch pants inside out on the floor? All strong contenders. But food? Nope, I know that food will not be one of them. Because now I have boundaries. Have you heard the term âdivision of responsibilityâ? Itâs originally from the Ellyn Satter Institute and itâll change your life as much as it changed mine. Hereâs how it works: Parents have a job, thatâs to provide fresh food. Kids decide to eat it, and how much. Thatâs their job. You do your job, kids do theirs. Before my son flew out of the kitchen this morning I said the magic words and shrugged. âYou donât have to eat it.â Because he doesnât. This is breakfast today. Itâs fresh, wholesome and appropriate for fueling up before school. But he doesnât have to eat it. Itâs my very favorite breakfast. But he doesnât have to eat it. Itâs way more nutritious than cereal, plus I paid extra for those berries. But he doesnât have to eat it. Thatâs his job, not mine. Thereâs nothing quite like trying to feed kids. Part of me craves it. I yearn to produce glorious meals on crisp white platters for my whole family to âoohâ and âahhâ over. To sit around the table laughing and passing food from one family member to another. The problem isâŠum, my family. Unfortunately, my four kids have their own taste buds and with those come their own likes and dislikes. And donât get me started on my husband. But that doesnât mean moms have to become short order cooks. Who wants to make toast for one kid, oatmeal with just the right amount of brown sugar and scrambled eggs with ONLY cheddar cheese for another? Thatâs no way to start the day for you, and no way to start a life, for kids. Having an adaptable attitude, not to mention gratitude, is an important life skill. Feeding kids doesnât have to be so hard. You are the parent and that means you are in charge of whatâs on the menu. Your kids decide whether to eat and how much. This sounds simple but thereâs more to pulling it off. The most important part of setting boundaries around meals sounds even simpler: Keep your cool. You have to be firm, but calm. Think about how teachers guide all those kids in one classroom. They donât sheepishly ask twenty little rascals to start doing subtraction. Just if you want to though. Would you guys prefer to play outside? Iâll bring lemonade! No, teachers guide kids through whatâs expected, and their roles are really clear. Will your kids like this change? Probably not, at first. But keep going. Even if there are tears, tantrums and meltdowns over mac and cheese. Make this a new routine and youâll be amazed. Hold tight to your boundaries and stay true to your leadership position. Hereâs an example of how it might go, along with the subtext: Me: Hereâs your breakfast today. Itâs extra creamy vanilla yogurt with granola and juicy blueberries sprinkled on top (This is a great meal!) Child: Oh-oh! I donât want THAT. Canât we have toast with jam? (I want what I want.) Me: Toast is yummy too, and we can have it for a snack later today. (I hear you.) Child: Okay but I still donât want this. (I really want what I want.) Me: Well, itâs up to you. This is a yummy breakfast thatâll help your body feel good all morning but you donât have to eat it. (Itâs up to you.) Thatâs it! I donât give my kids anything else to eat (anymore) and I donât have a meltdown of my own (most of the time). Staying calm is half the battle, maybe more, but I canât emphasize enough how much it pays off. Even through tantrums. And what if your child has a full meltdown in response? Thatâs okay! My kids have slithered so far down their seats that I wondered if weâd need to make a bed for them under the table. Enjoy your new space, guys! Kids are allowed to have feelings, even big ones, and itâs wise to expect them. Anticipating pushback has been another gamechanger. Being prepared, staying calm, and having something to sayâthen knowing when to stop talkingâgave me confidence, and you can get it too. The more boundaries you set, without pressuring kids to eat, the easier this new routine will be. The parent decides the menu, kids decide when and how much to eat. Donât forget the first rule of cooking for kids: we donât negotiate with knee-high critics. No power struggles, no substitutions. One meal for everyone. Everyone picks what they want to eat. Now let me clarify. When I say ONE MEAL, Iâm not talking about a steaming pot of coq au vin. We arenât trying to torture people with mystery ingredients. (Crosses âfresh roosterâ off of the grocery list.) I always make sure there is something everyone can identify, and enjoy, in the mix, even if itâs not âdinner foodâ. A bowl of sliced apples on the table can make all the difference. Ditto for a baguette, crunchy baby carrots or chunks of cheese. Meals are supposed to be enjoyable. Thereâs no reason for everyone to associate eating together with stress. Not when we have other options. So guess who ate his yogurt after all? Yep, he did. I never said anything else about it. I told my son our timeframe (setting another boundary) and went about getting the rest of our family ready for the day (staying calm and letting go, even though I worried about him). He decided to come back and give it a whirl. I provided fresh food and he had to decide whether to eat it. In the end, itâs our kidsâ responsibility to decide what to eat. Ours is to make the food, stay calm and release our grip on control. Because it was never really ours in the first place. Related Stories News Picky eating in kids is mostly due to genetics, study says Child Nutrition 6 Trader Joeâs lunch box heroes I always have on hand Child Nutrition 8 nutritionist-approved kids lunch ideasâthat arenât sandwiches Categories: Child Nutrition, Child, Food, Life, Parenting Related articles Celebrity News Parents everywhere will relate to Brittany Mahomes trying to break her sonâs âbad habitâ August 5, 2024 Viral & Trending This broccoli meatball recipe for toddlers is genius October 9, 2023 Children's Health Jessica Biel gets real about navigating picky eating and school lunches August 8, 2023 Toddler Nutrition Got a picky eater? Bookmark these 11 articles now April 11, 2023