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Motherhood is hard, but all your baby really needs are these 5 simple habits

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There is a seemingly unlimited amount of information available about raising children and what young children need.


The wealth of information, online and in books, has exponentially expanded in the past few years. The irony is that this abundant advice does not necessarily help. It can do just the opposite by making it harder to know what to read and follow.

How are you to know what your child really needs when tips from one source contradict another one?

Good news is here. In spite of information overload, there are a few key pieces of information that can help you raise your child with a foundation they need. Research guides us with clear findings concerning what children need for optimal development in the early years.

In fact, helping a child thrive is simple, even if it is not always easy.

Challenges abound, but following these few essential steps can make your life with a young child easy... and even fun.

I’ve pulled together decades of research + newer studies on brain development into 5 steps you can take to help your child thrive.


1. More than anything, your child needs love + loving care.

Stable early relationships with sensitive caregivers matter more for your child’s development than anything else.

Every time you respond to your child’s needs with love, your child learns that someone is always there to take care of them even when they are having a hard time. They learn to trust others and that they are not alone. Through these warm interactions your child develops a sense of herself as a person who deserves to be loved and cared for and has a role model (you!) for how to care about other people. Isn’t that what we all want: a child who feels confident about who she is and shows kindness to others? The base is in their loving relationship with you.

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2. Talking to your child is teaching, every day.

When you sing songs with your child or lullabies at night, your child is hearing language surrounded by the comfort of mommy’s voice.

When you talk to your child about what you or your child is doing such as, “Now it’s time to get dressed, first we’ll get your green shirt,” or “That truck is zooming so fast when you push it!” she learns new words, the power of language and how to communicate.

And when you read with your child, you are setting up a love of reading and introducing him to early literacy. Naming feelings for your child (“You were so angry!”) helps them learn about emotions.

So all that talking, singing, reading is setting a foundation for your child’s future abilities to read, understand their feelings and communicate. Keep it up.

3. Keep up routines.

Routines are the basis of stability for your child.

They help your child learn the rhythm of the day and gain a sense of inner stability and calm. Routines help little ones become more independent over time because they know what to expect and what comes next.

Toddlers love rituals, so if you do the bedtime routine nightly the same way, they feel safe. Routines are essential for any activity you do daily, such as meal times, getting dressed, bathing, bedtime and leaving in the morning. Young children lack a sense of time. Routines help them gain a feeling of control and learn to move more readily through the day.

Similarly, the holidays are a great time to start new rituals or traditions in your home. Like routines, these traditions bring comfort and uniquely define your family.

4. Sleep is a must.

A rested child is a happier child.

When children get enough sleep they are better able to handle emotions, interact with others and learn. They are less likely to get overwhelmed and upset, and their behavior is more appropriate. Setting up good nap and nighttime routines is the key to helping your child get the rest they need.

5. Take care of you.

Before you can start to address the many changing needs of your child, you have to take care of yourself.

When you are rested, eating reasonably healthy meals, finding ways to grab a little time for yourself or quality time with your partner, then you are better able to give your child what he needs. Plus, you deserve it. Taking care of yourself means a better relationship with your child and a happier you!

Motherhood is so demanding, but it’s so much easier if you keep it simple and focus on things that really matter.

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If there's one thing you learn as a new mama, it's that routine is your friend. Routine keeps your world spinning, even when you're trucking along on less than four hours of sleep. Routine fends off tantrums by making sure bellies are always full and errands aren't run when everyone's patience is wearing thin. And routine means naps are taken when they're supposed to, helping everyone get through the day with needed breaks.

The only problem? Life doesn't always go perfectly with the routine. When my daughter was born, I realized quickly that, while her naps were the key to a successful (and nearly tear-free!) day, living my life according to her nap schedule wasn't always possible. There were groceries to fetch, dry cleaning to pick up, and―if I wanted to maintain any kind of social life―lunch dates with friends to enjoy.

Which is why the Ergobaby Metro Compact City Stroller was such a life-saver. While I loved that it was just 14 pounds (perfect for hoisting up the stairs to the subway or in the park) and folds down small enough to fit in an airplane overhead compartment (you know, when I'm brave enough to travel again!), the real genius of this pint-sized powerhouse is that it doesn't skimp on comfort.

Nearly every surface your baby touches is padded with plush cushions to provide side and lumbar support to everything from their sweet head to their tiny tush―it has 40% more padding than other compact strollers. When nap time rolls around, I could simply switch the seat to its reclined position with an adjustable leg rest to create an instant cozy nest for my little one.

There's even a large UV 50 sun canopy to throw a little shade on those sleepy eyes. And my baby wasn't the only one benefiting from the comfortable design― the Metro is the only stroller certified "back healthy" by the AGR of Germany, meaning mamas get a much-needed break too.

I also appreciate how the Metro fits comfortably into my life. The sleek profile fits through narrow store aisles as easily as it slides up to a table when I'm able to meet a pal for brunch. Plus, the spring suspension means the tires absorb any bumps along our way―helping baby stay asleep no matter where life takes us. When it's time to take my daughter out, it folds easily with one hand and has an ergonomic carry handle to travel anywhere we want to go.

Life will probably never be as predictable as I'd like, but at least with our Metro stroller, I know my child will be cradled with care no matter what crosses our path.

This article is sponsored by Ergobaby. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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It's been more than a year since Khloé Kardashian welcomed her daughter True Thompson into the world, and like a lot of new moms, Khloé didn't just learn how to to be a mom this year, she also learned how to co-parent with someone who is no longer her partner. According to the Pew Research Center, co-parenting and the likelihood that a child will spend part of their childhood living with just one parent is on the rise.

There was a ton of media attention on Khloé's relationship with True's father Tristan Thompson in her early days of motherhood, and in a new interview on the podcast "Divorce Sucks!," Khloé explained that co-parenting with someone you have a complicated relationship with isn't always easy, but when she looks at True she knows it's worth it.

"For me, Tristan and I broke up not too long ago so it's really raw," Khloé tells divorce attorney Laura Wasser on the podcast. She explains that even though it does "suck" at times, she's committed to having a good relationship with her ex because she doesn't want True to pick up on any negative energy, even at her young age.

That's why she invited Tristan to True's recent first birthday bash, even though she knew True wouldn't remember that party. "I know she's going to want to look back at all of her childhood memories like we all do," Khloé explained. "I know her dad is a great person, and I know how much he loves her and cares about her, so I want him to be there."

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We totally get why being around Tristan is hard for Khloé, but it sounds like she's approaching co-parenting with a positive attitude that will benefit True in the long run. Studies have found that shared parenting is good for kids and that former couples who have "ongoing personal and emotional involvement with their former spouse" are more likely to rate their co-parenting relationship positively.

Khloé says her relationship with Tristan right now is "civilized," and hopefully it can get even better with time. As Suzanne Hayes noted in her six guiding principles for a co-parenting relationship, there's no magic bullet for moving past the painful feelings that come when a relationship ends and into a healthy co-parenting relationship, but treating your ex with respect and (non-romantic) love is a good place to start. Hayes describes it as "human-to-human, parent-to-parent, we-share-amazing-children-and-always-will love."

It's a great place to start, and it sounds like Khloé has already figured that out.

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Kim Kardashian West welcomed her fourth child into the world. The expectancy and arrival of this boy (her second child from surrogacy) has garnered much attention.

In a surrogacy pregnancy, a woman carries a pregnancy for another family and then after giving birth she relinquishes her rights of the child.

On her website, Kim wrote that she had medical complications with her previous pregnancy leading her to this decision. “I have always been really honest about my struggles with pregnancy. Preeclampsia and placenta accreta are high-risk conditions, so when I wanted to have a third baby, doctors said that it wasn't safe for my—or the baby's—health to carry on my own."

While the experience was challenging for her, “The connection with our baby came instantly and it's as if she was with us the whole time. Having a gestational carrier was so special for us and she made our dreams of expanding our family come true. We are so excited to finally welcome home our baby girl."

A Snapchat video hinted that Kim may have planned to breastfeed her third child. What she chooses to do is of course none of our business. But is has raised the very interesting question, “Wait, can you breastfeed when you use a surrogate?"

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The answer is yes, you sure can! (And you can when you adopt a baby, too!)

When a women is pregnant, she begins a process called lactogenesis in which her body prepares itself to start making milk. This usually starts around the twenty week mark of pregnancy (half way through). Then, when the baby is born, the second phase of lactogenesis occurs, and milk actually starts to fill the breasts.

All of this occurs in response to hormones. When women do not carry a pregnancy, but wish to breastfeed, they can induce lactation, where they replicate the same hormonal process that happens during pregnancy.

A woman who wants to induce lactation can work with a doctor or midwife, and start taking the hormones estrogen and progesterone (which grow breast tissue)—often in the form of birth control pills—along with a medication called domperidone (which increases milk production).

Several weeks before the baby will be born, the woman stops taking the birth control pill but continues to take the domperidone to simulate the hormonal changes that would happen in a pregnancy. She'll also start pumping multiple times per day, and will likely add herbal supplements, like fenugreek and blessed thistle.

Women can also try to induce lactation without the hormones, by using pumping and herbs, it may be harder but some women feel more comfortable with that route.

Inducing lactation takes a lot of dedication—but then again, so does everything related to be a mama. It's a super personal decision, and not right for everyone.

The important thing to remember is that we need to support women and mothers through their entire journey, no matter what decisions they make about themselves and their families—whether Kardashian or the rest of us.

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