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As parents, we want to be able to guide and shape our children in the most positive ways possible. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could eliminate frustration—for both parents and kiddos—simultaneously getting rid of any yelling or negative talk or unhelpful answers due to a lack of patience?


It would be nice! But, we aren’t magicians exactly. However, we do have amazing, intelligent and insightful experts on hand to help guide us all in the ways of positive parenting.

So we turned to them to help us find positive phrases to use with our kids to encourage and inspire them to do their best, to help out and to listen.

Here are 12 ways to increase positive interactions with your children.

Parenting expert, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting and founder of Aha! Parenting, Dr. Laura Markham suggests these helpful tips.

1. Steer clear from evaluation.

Instead, focus on process and describe the effort the child’s making. “Wow! You’ve been reading that book for a long time and you didn’t give up when there were words you didn’t know!” is much more motivating than, “What a good reader you are!”

“What a great painting! You’re such a good artist!” rings hollow to a child, who knows she is not a great artist. Instead, notice what the child did, show interest and ask the child to reflect on the painting. “I see lots of blue over here, and lots of green over here. Tell me about this painting!”

2. Be as specific as possible.

About what you see, what you like, what your child did. This shows you really value what you see, and helps the child see the value in what they did. Instead of “Good job!” try “I see you put all the blocks in their bin and all the Legos in their bin. Wow!”

If you’re noticing that the trucks are still on the floor, always start with the positives you notice, before you frame what still needs to be done as a positive: “The only thing left now is to drive the trucks up to their place on the shelf. Want to show me how you do that?”

3. Avoid comparison among siblings or friends.

You may think you’re being positive when you say “Thank goodness you like homework and I don’t have to hound you the way I do your brother!” but you’re setting up a situation where the child is only good enough if his brother doesn’t do homework.

There is never a reason to compare. Just say “I love that you just sit down and do your homework when you get home!”

4. Give your child the credit and the power.

It's fine to tell your child that youre proud of him, but be clear that he's the one who gets credit for the achievement and he's the one who's entitled to evaluate it. "You must be so proud of yourself!"

5. Be enthusiastic!

All children need encouragement and warmth. Be sure to tell your child all day long all the things you appreciate.

“I appreciate that you brushed your teeth with only one reminder.”

“I noticed that you helped your sister with her shoes. She was so happy. And it helped us get out of the house faster. Thank you!”

“When you help me like this in the grocery store, it makes the shopping so much easier. I love being a team with you!”

Just make sure your child knows that she is much more than her accomplishments. “I am so lucky to be your parent...I love you no matter what.”

Bestselling author and founder of Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond, Rebecca Eanes suggests these helpful tips.

6. Help motivate your kiddos.

Voicing specific appreciations and acknowledgements do more to motivate and encourage my tween boys. When I say, I believe in you, kiddo!” they look at me like I’m weird (which I am, but still...).

When I say, “I really appreciate it when you put your towel in the hamper, it's super helpful to me, then they’re more likely to put the towel in the hamper. (Of course, this isn’t guaranteed. I’m not a wizard!)

7. Empower your children.

When I say, “Can you put the dishes in the dishwasher?” point blank, I hear something like “Right now? Really?” or simply, “Mooom.” But when I say, “Who wants to be my helper for a few minutes?” they both come running.

So I try to frame requests as, You are a super helpful person and thank you!” rather than come do this chore now.

Child Development expert and founder of The Thoughtful Parent, Amy Webb suggests these helpful tips.

8. Express how your child’s behavior makes you feel.

When your kiddos are past the toddler stage and can empathize with other people saying things like, “It makes me feel really sad when you don’t listen to what I say” or “It hurts my feelings and makes me think you don’t care about what I’m saying when you interrupt me” can make an impact.

Now, you don’t want to pull a guilt trip on your kid—it’s not about that. These types of phrases help with social-emotional skills too. Over time they begin to learn how their actions affect other people.

9. Explain the bigger picture to them.

Or the reason behind the rule. For example: my son has problems jumping on the furniture and/or not respecting our household items (scratching or banging on the table with utensils, etc.) Barking at him over and over has not helped.

What does help is explaining why we take good care of our property—if we have to replace it, that’s less money for kids items, toys, etc. When they were younger, I would use a similar strategy as above except the table is the one with the feelings—i.e. “You don’t want to give the table an ouchy.”

10. Explain what their behavior is telling you.

This has been helpful with things like throwing toys around. I used to be more negative about it and just tell them to stop throwing toys. That did not help.

So now I say things like, “If you throw your toys, it is telling me that you must not like them anymore.” This has given them more perspective on the issue. The same idea can work for behavior—i.e. “Your whining is telling me that you are tired and we must need to leave the playground.”

Director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development in Manhattan and author of How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success Dr. Tovah Klein suggests these helpful tips.

11. Help them explain their feelings.

If you notice your toddler resorting to hitting/hurting their sibling or friend out of frustration you can say something like, That makes you so mad! (Oh, that is so frustrating!) You can be mad. You can hit this!” (Show them where on a pillow or a stuffed animal.)

Giving them words (frustrated, mad) and a place to hit and get their feelings out can release their anger.

If your preschooler/kindergartener is nervous about being away from you at school you can reassure them by saying, “It’s okay if you miss me, I always come back. You have teachers at school who will help you and I will be back at circle time.” (Or I will see you at dinner, whenever the parent will be back.)

Reassurance that it is okay to miss mommy and that she always comes back is key.

If your toddler feels like they “messed up” while creating something (a drawing/painting) and gets frustrated with themselves you could help calm them by saying something like, “Oh! That is frustrating! But everyone makes mistakes! You can try again, or we can do something else now.”

12. Try not to just say “no”—elaborate.

If your child keeps asking the same question and you keep saying “no” but it doesn’t seem to be registering with them you could say something like, “So you really, really want to be on the iPad? I wish you could. I know how badly you want that. But right now we have to have dinner/go to school/etc.”

In other words—addressing the desire and showing empathy (I wish you could...) goes a long way in recognizing the child.

And, remember—transitions can be hard. When you are telling them something you know they don’t want to hear, as in, “You need to stop playing and come to dinner (or leave the playground, or it is bath time, etc.)” Start with, “I know you don’t want to hear this, but we have to leave the park (and give a concrete closure). One more time down the slide then we have to get the stroller and go.”

Again, recognize that they probably don’t want to do your request and give them clear direction.

Who said motherhood doesn't come with a manual?

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Three was not enough for Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Mom and dad to North, Saint and Chicago are expecting again.

The story broke earlier this month, but this week Kim appeared on "Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen" and confirmed everything People and E! have been attributing to inside Kardashian sources.

Host Andy Cohen, a father-to-be himself, asked Kim to confirm if the leaked sex of the baby was also accurate.

    "It's a boy," Kim told him, revealing that she's the accidental source of the leak. "It's out there. I got drunk at our Christmas Eve party, and I told some people, but I can't remember who I told."

    Like Chicago, this baby will be born via surrogate, and Kim says he's due quite soon.

    Kim has previously talked about how the decision to grow her family through gestational surrogacy was a hard one, but the only one that made sense for her after two difficult pregnancies.

    "Anyone that says or thinks it is just the easy way out is just completely wrong. I think it is so much harder to go through it this way, because you are not really in control," she told Entertainment Tonight when expecting Chicago.

    "Obviously you pick someone that you completely trust and that you have a good bond and relationship with, but it is still … knowing that I was able to carry my first two babies and not my baby now, it's hard for me," she explained at the time.

    One of six kids herself, it's not surprising that Kim wants a large family (considering how close she is with her siblings) and, according to Kim, Kanye's been campaigning for more children for a while.

    "Kanye wants to have more, though. He's been harassing me," Kardashian said on a 2018 episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. "He wants like seven. He's like stuck on seven."

    Four is still pretty far from seven, but maybe Kanye and Kim will compromise a bit on family size. Kim has previously said four children would be her limit.

    [Update: This post was originally published on January 2, 2019. It was updated when Kardashian confirmed the news.]

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    Toxic masculinity is having a cultural moment. Or rather, the idea that masculinity doesn't have to be toxic is having one.

    For parents who are trying to raise kind boys who will grow into compassionate men, the American Psychological Association's recent assertion that "traditional masculinity ideology" is bad for boys' well-being is concerning because our kids are exposed to that ideology every day when they walk out of then house or turn on the TV or the iPad.

    That's why a new viral ad campaign from Gillette is so inspiring—it proves society already recognizes the problems the APA pointed out, and change is possible.

    We Believe: The Best Men Can Be | Gillette (Short Film) youtu.be

    Gillette's new ad campaign references the "Me Too" movement as a narrator explains that "something finally changed, and there will be no going back."

    If may seem like something as commercial as a marketing campaign for toiletries can't make a difference in changing the way society pressures influence kids, but it's been more than a decade since Dove first launched its Campaign for Real Beauty, and while the campaign isn't without criticism, it was successful in elevating some of the body-image pressure on girls but ushering in an era of body-positive, inclusive marketing.

    Dove's campaign captured a mainstream audience at a time when the APA's "Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Girls and Women" were warning psychologists about how "unrealistic media images of girls and women" were negatively impacting the self-esteem of the next generation.

    Similarly, the Gillette campaign addresses some of the issues the APA raises in its newly released "Guidelines for the Psychological Practice with Boys and Men."

    According to the APA, "Traditional masculinity ideology has been shown to limit males' psychological development, constrain their behavior, result in gender role strain and gender role conflict and negatively influence mental health and physical health."

    The report's authors define that ideology as "a particular constellation of standards that have held sway over large segments of the population, including: anti-femininity, achievement, eschewal of the appearance of weakness, and adventure, risk, and violence."

    The APA worries that society is rewarding men who adhere to "sexist ideologies designed to maintain male power that also restrict men's ability to function adaptively."

    That basically sounds like the recipe for Me Too, which is of course its own cultural movement.

    Savvy marketers at Gillette may be trying to harness the power of that movement, but that's not entirely a bad thing. On its website, Gillette states that it created the campaign (called "The Best a Man Can Be," a play on the old Gillette tagline "The Best a Man Can Get") because it "acknowledge that brands, like ours, play a role in influencing culture."

    Gillette's not wrong. We know that advertising has a huge impact on our kids. The average kid in America sees anywhere from 13,000 to 30,000 commercials on TV each year, according to the American Academy of Paediatrics, and that's not even counting YouTube ads, the posters at the bus stop and everything else.

    That's why Gillette's take makes sense from a marketing perspective and a social one. "As a company that encourages men to be their best, we have a responsibility to make sure we are promoting positive, attainable, inclusive and healthy versions of what it means to be a man," the company states.

    What does that mean?

    It means taking a stance against homophobia, bullying and sexual harassment and that harmful, catch-all-phrase that gives too many young men a pass to engage in behavior that hurts others and themselves: "Boys will be boys."

    Gillette states that "by holding each other accountable, eliminating excuses for bad behavior, and supporting a new generation working toward their personal 'best,' we can help create positive change that will matter for years to come."

    Of course, it's not enough for razor marketers to do this. Boys need support from parents, teachers, coaches and peers to be resilient to the pressures of toxic masculinity.

    When this happens, when boys are taught that strength doesn't mean overpowering others and that they can be successful while still being compassionate, the APA says we will "reduce the high rates of problems boys and men face and act out in their lives such as aggression, violence, substance abuse, and suicide."

    This is a conversation worth having and 2019 is the year to do it.

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    Teaching a young child good behavior seems like it should be easy and intuitive when, in reality, it can be a major challenge. When put to the test, it's not as easy as you might think to dole out effective discipline, especially if you have a strong-willed child.

    As young children develop independence and learn more about themselves in relation to others and their environment, they can easily grow frustrated when they don't always know how to communicate their feelings or how to think and act rationally.

    It's crucial that parents recognize these limitations and also set up rules to protect your child and those they encounter. These rules, including a parent's or caregiver's follow-up actions, allow your child to learn and develop a better understanding of what is (and what is not) appropriate behavior.

    Here are a few key ways to correct negative behavior in an efficient way:

    1. Use positive reinforcement.

    Whenever possible, look to deliver specific and positive praise when a child engages in good behavior or if you catch them in an act of kindness. Always focus on the positive things they are doing so that they are more apt to recreate those behaviors. This will help them start to learn the difference between good and poor behavior.

    2. Be simple and direct.

    Though this seems like a no-brainer, focus your child using constructive feedback versus what not to do or where they went wrong. Give reasons and explanations for rules, as best as you can for their age group.

    For example, if you're teaching them to be gentle with your pet, demonstrate the correct motions and tell your child, "We're gentle when we pet the cat like this so that we don't hurt them," versus, "Don't pull on her tail!"

    3. Re-think the "time out."

    Many classrooms are starting to have cozy nooks where children are encouraged to have alone time when they may feel out of control. In lieu of punishment, sending a child to a "feel-good" area removes them from a situation that's causing distress. This provides much-needed comfort and allows for the problem-solving process to start on its own.

    4. Use 'no' sparingly.

    When a word is repeated over and over, it begins to lose meaning. There are better ways to discipline your child than saying "no." Think about replaying the message in a different way to increase the chances of your child taking note. Rather than shouting, "No, stop that!" when your toddler is flinging food at dinnertime, it's more productive to use encouraging words that prompt better behavior, such as, "Food is for eating, what are we supposed to do when we're sitting at the dinner table?" This encourages them to consider their behavior.

    The above methods help create teachable moments by providing opportunities for development while making sure the child feels safe and cared for. It is important to mirror these discipline techniques at home and communicate often with your child care providers so that you're always on the same page.

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    To the mamas awake in the middle of the night,

    If you are one of the many moms with a little darling who doesn't sleep through the night, I feel your pain. I really do.

    Having been blessed with two wonderful sleepers (aka my first and second babies), my third baby has been a shock to my system. He hasn't slept through the night since he was born and he's now 16 months. I do everything "right." I put him down sleepy but awake so he can settle himself to sleep. I keep the room dark and quiet.

    But one simple fact remains: When my son wakes up in the night, he wants me. And he'll scream the house down if he doesn't get me.

    Last night my 1-year-old woke at 3:30 am. He was stirring a bit at first, then started to really let it rip, so I got him up out of his crib and brought him into bed with me. We cuddled for a while. Then suddenly, he wanted to get off the bed and I said no. Then he started to scream and throw himself around on the bed before eventually being sick everywhere.

    It was now 4:30 am. I dutifully changed the sheets, changed my son, changed myself, and then we climbed back into bed, the smell of vomit still lingering.

    I tried to put him back in his crib around 5 am but he woke right up. I brought him back into bed with me, but quickly realized this wasn't what he wanted either. He was thrashing around again, trying to figure out a way off of the bed.

    Finally, close to 6 am he decided he wanted to go to sleep. After about 10 minutes of watching him sleep, I felt brave enough to try to put him back in his room. I gently lifted him up, placed him in his crib and quietly crept back into my bed.

    This left me with just enough time to fall back into a deep sleep, which meant I felt exhausted when my alarm went off just after 7 am.

    Sadly, last night wasn't a one-off. This is a fairly frequent occurrence for me (although dealing with vomit is luckily quite rare!). Which means that when I say I understand what it's like to have a baby who doesn't sleep, I really mean it.

    So here's what I want you to know, mama.

    If you are awake in the night because your baby needs you then you are not alone. Despite what you might read, it's common for babies to wake up through the night. So if you're sitting in bed feeling like you're the only mother in the world awake, trust me, you're far from it.

    There are mamas like us all over the world. Sitting there in the dark. Cuddling babies or soothing them to sleep again. Some, like me, might be changing sheets or abandoning any hope of getting sleep that night at all. Others might be up and down like a yo-yo every few hours. The rest might just be up once and then will be able to go back to sleep.

    There will, however, also be mamas who are sound asleep. Mamas who have older children who no longer wake in the night. And they would want you to know that it will be okay. It won't be forever. One day, you'll realize that your baby no longer needs or wants you in the night.

    And while you'll be so glad for your sleep you'll probably also be a little sad that there are no more night time cuddles.

    It's hard to cope with a baby who doesn't sleep well at night. Really hard sometimes. You may feel like you can't deal with it anymore or you may be wishing that this phase would just stop already so you can get some rest.

    Exhaustion often means that you struggle to get through the day. It can mean that you find it hard to drag yourself out of bed. Or if you're anything like me, you might be irritable and snap at the people you love. Or maybe it means relying on caffeine, sugar and Netflix to get you and your kiddos through the day.

    But here's the amazing thing about mothers—no matter what has gone down during the night, we get up as usual. We go about our day just like everyone else. We care for and love our children, without giving them a hard time for disrupting our sleep. We don't moan, we don't complain. We just get on with it.

    And when night comes, we go to bed knowing that there's every chance we'll be awake in the middle of the night again...

    We get up without fail when our babies need us and we do what we need to do for them. Because we are the nighttime warriors. We are mamas.

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