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We asked some fellow mamas to share what surprised them most about their births. Here's what we found out.

1. Postpartum bleeding

"I was surprised by the bleeding after birth. I know now that it's normal, but it kind of freaked me out at the time."
—Rachael


Most women bleed for about six weeks after they have a baby. It starts out like a heavy period.

After a few days the bleeding will become lighter in both flow and color, and then turn pinkish, then yellowish, then white and finally clear. The timeline varies for everyone. You may also have a few small blood clots, especially when you stand up after sitting or lying down for a long time.

When to call your provider: If you have several blood clots or a clot the size of a golf ball, or if you fill a pad with blood in an hour or two, call your provider right away (2 am phone call totally justified).

2. Every birth is different

"I heard so many stories about birth and kept trying to picture what mine would be like based on what everyone else was saying. But I now I realize that every experience is just so different. Honestly, I wish I had focused on me a little more during my pregnancy, and worried less about what everyone else was doing."
—Renee

You may find that you're constantly being told other people's birth stories. And that's awesome, as long as you're finding it helpful and inspiring. But if you get to a place where you feel stressed as you're listening, or are hearing things that make you worry, it's okay to ask people to save their stories until after your baby is born. Every birth really is unique, so try to focus on what you want your story to look like.

(Need help deciding what you what want from your birth experience? Check out Motherly's birth class!)

3. Your nurse = your hero

"One thing I didn't expect was how important the nurses were vs. my doctor during the labor and birth process. I loved my OB and she was super important during my whole pregnancy, but it was really the nurses who took care of me that got me through it."
—Kate

If you're having a hospital birth, there is a good chance your provider will be taking care of multiple women at the same time. So while they should be in to check on you frequently, chances are they won't be by your side for most of your labor. Your nurse, on the other hand, will probably be taking care of only you, so she'll be with you for much more of your labor.

4. What crowning feels like

"I wish I had known what it feels like just before the baby came out, and maybe how to cope with the sensation."
—Aubrey

During pushing, the time when you can finally start to see the baby's head is called crowning. It usually lasts for at least a few contractions, and many women describe as an unpleasant burning sensation.

Here are a few things to know:

  • The burning sensation is actually your skin naturally stretching around the baby's head. It is doing exactly what it is supposed to. So while it may not feel awesome, try to take comfort in knowing that it's very normal (and will be over very soon).
  • When the baby is crowning, instead of doing big long pushes, switch to short gentle pushes (and lots of breathing). This will help baby to ease out and give your perineum (the skin on the outside of your vagina) time to stretch.

5. After-birth cramping

"I didn't know that I'd have cramping after the baby was born, and it would be a bit uncomfortable."
—Melissa

After birth, your uterus will start to shrink back to its pre-pregnancy size.

It does this by contracting, or cramping (bonus: it's also helping to stop the bleeding).

This cramping can be especially intense during breastfeeding: When you nurse, your body releases a hormone called oxytocin, which is the hormone the causes contractions. So while it can be uncomfortable, remember that it is very much on purpose and helping you to heal!

The good news is that this only lasts for about three to five days. Talk to your provider about taking an anti-inflammatory medication for the first few days after birth to help with this discomfort.

P.S. During the first few days after you give birth, your medical team will ask to press on your lower belly periodically. They are checking to make sure your uterus feels firm and healthy. It can be a little uncomfortable, but it's only temporary.

6. Remember to plan for you

"I didn't really plan for taking care of myself after birth—I had everything ready for the baby, but didn't remember that I'd need some TLC too!"
—Jamie

You're about to welcome new life into the world, so of course you want to make sure everything is perfect for them.

But remember: YOU are the one who has been growing (and will soon be birthing) that new little being. Factor in some serious healing time for yourself: rest, eat well and nurture yourself. And a big one... ask for help!

See if you can line up people to be on call to help you for the first month after you give birth (send this list of suggestions).

7. You'll still have a belly for awhile

"I thought I'd magically be able to wear regular sized clothes again. It took a good two to three months, and now, almost six months in, my body is still shifting and changing a ton."
—Nina

It takes a while for your uterus to return to its pre-pregnancy size. And, your body has gone through (and will continue to go through) tremendous changes. You'll probably be most comfortable in maternity clothes for at least the first month or so after giving birth (or way longer, who are we kidding).

Be gentle on yourself. Remember, YOU JUST MADE A BABY.

(Psst: Check this article out for a little post-baby self-love reminder.)

8. Don't forget why you're here

"The minute my baby was born I was like 'Ohhhhhhhhh, okay. That was totally worth it.' I remember my birth, of course, but honestly it was just a blip in time compared to what comes after—and I have to say, it IS totally worth it."
—Delia

No comment needed.

If I've learned one thing about pregnant women during my seven years as a midwife, it is that pregnant women are planners. We like to anticipate and prepare for everything! But it can be hard to really envision what the whole process is going to be like, and sometimes it's difficult to even know what questions to ask.


When I was expecting my first child, I wanted to know everything that could possibly be in store for his first year.

I quizzed my own mom and the friends who ventured into motherhood before I did. I absorbed parenting books and articles like a sponge. I signed up for classes on childbirth, breastfeeding and even baby-led weaning. My philosophy? The more I knew, the better.

Yet, despite my best efforts, I didn't know it all. Not by a long shot. Instead, my firstborn, my husband and I had to figure it out together—day by day, challenge by challenge, triumph by triumph.

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The funny thing is that although I wanted to know it all, the surprises—those moments that were unique to us—were what made that first year so beautiful.

Of course, my research provided a helpful outline as I graduated from never having changed a diaper to conquering the newborn haze, my return to work, the milestones and the challenges. But while I did need much of that tactical knowledge, I also learned the value of following my baby's lead and trusting my gut.

I realized the importance of advice from fellow mamas, too. I vividly remember a conversation with a friend who had her first child shortly before I welcomed mine. My friend, who had already returned to work after maternity leave, encouraged me to be patient when introducing a bottle and to help my son get comfortable with taking that bottle from someone else.

Yes, from a logistical standpoint, that's great advice for any working mama. But I also took an incredibly important point from this conversation: This was less about the act of bottle-feeding itself, and more about what it represented for my peace of mind when I was away from my son.

This fellow mama encouraged me to honor my emotions and give myself permission to do what was best for my family—and that really set the tone for my whole approach to parenting. Because honestly, that was just the first of many big transitions during that first year, and each of them came with their own set of mixed emotions.

I felt proud and also strangely nostalgic as my baby seamlessly graduated to a sippy bottle.

I felt my baby's teething pain along with him and also felt confident that we could get through it with the right tools.

I felt relieved as my baby learned to self-soothe by finding his own pacifier and also sad to realize how quickly he was becoming his own person.



As I look back on everything now, some four years and two more kids later, I can't remember the exact day my son crawled, the project I tackled on my first day back at work, or even what his first word was. (It's written somewhere in a baby book!)

But I do remember how I felt with each milestone: the joy, the overwhelming love, the anxiety, the exhaustion and the sense of wonder. That truly was the greatest gift of the first year… and nothing could have prepared me for all those feelings.

This article was sponsored by Dr. Brown's. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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I was blissfully asleep on the couch while my little one was occupied elsewhere with toys, books and my partner. She got bored with what they were doing, escaped from his watch and, sensing my absence, set about looking for me. Finding me on the couch, nose-level, she peeled back my one available eyelid, singing, "Mama? Mama? ...You there? Wake UP!"

Sound familiar? Nothing limits sleep more than parenthood. And nothing is more sought after as a parent than a nap, if not a good night's rest.

But Mother Nature practically guarantees that you are likely to be woken up by a toddler—they're hardwired to find you (and get your attention) when you're "away."

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