To my firstborn,

I know the last few weeks haven’t been easy for you.

This new role of ‘big brother‘ has meant Mommy hasn’t had the same amount of time to play with you. I haven’t been able to put you to bed at night or read you books or be the one to comfort you when you need it. My boy, it’s hurt so much to not be able to give you the same amount of me as before.

I’ve felt helpless as I’ve fed your little brother on the couch while you’ve been grabbing my hand to show me something and I couldn’t come and look.

I’ve felt guilty for changing your world and introducing another little person to our family who needs most of Mommy’s attention right now.

I’ve felt horrible for leaving you for two nights while I went to the hospital to have your baby brother; I know you didn’t understand why I wasn’t around.

I felt selfish when I was still sending you to daycare once a week while I stayed home to look after your little brother.

But my boy, I’ve felt so proud. Proud of the way you’ve adapted to your new role. You have been patient and kind towards your new brother.

I’m proud that you still have so much love to give to me, even when I can’t give you the same amount of attention I used to, before baby brother.

I’m proud of how you have dealt with these huge changes in your life. Since you’ve become a big brother, you’ve grown leaps and bounds right before my eyes.

And I’m proud of all you’ve taught me so far, and the fact that you’ve enabled me to be a better, calmer mother the second time around. Thank you for making me a mama, my baby, we make a really good team.

When I think back to the final days of my second pregnancy, when I felt heavy, sore and slow; I remember those special moments we had—just the two of us. How our days would revolve around playing with blocks and trucks and building huge towers. How Mommy would sing silly songs and give you rides on my back. How we would go out for special treats at cafes during the day while everyone else was at work.

How time wouldn’t matter and I could give you as many cuddles as you needed to in order to comfortably fall asleep. How you didn’t care that I was slow to get up or that I wore the same outfit over and over because it was the only one that still fit. How we could make as much noise as we liked because we didn’t have to worry about waking a baby.

I will always cherish that special time with you and all those memories we made together—forever.

And now that you’re not the only child, I want you to know that I still see you. When you think I’m busy tending to your little brother, I still see all of your amazing qualities.

This new way of life has taught you more than I expected. It’s taught you how to love without fail. It’s made you resilient and adaptable. And it’s given you the gift of a new brother, who in time, I’m sure will be your best friend.

So while it may seem that you are no longer the center of my world anymore, please know that my love for you is still as strong as ever before—my heart has just expanded to love your little brother as well.

I know this transition period is difficult at the moment and you are not used to sharing me, but in time you won’t remember a life without your baby brother.

And just so you know, Mommy will never forget that special time when it was just you and me. For the rest of eternity.

Love,

Your mama