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I was delighted when I found out that my first baby was to be a girl. And the second. And the third. I would certainly love my son if I was blessed with one, but I knew that I've got what it takes to raise a girl.

I'm determined to raise my daughters to be strong, confident, and happy. I want them to grow up to be warriors. Mind you, a princess can be a warrior, too, so I don't deny them their pretty dresses and cute hair bands, but I want them to know that they can do much more than just look pretty.

Here's how I try to do it:

Emphasize true beauty

I want my daughters to know that true beauty is not skin-deep – it radiates from inside. People come in different shapes, sizes, and colors, but what makes them pretty or ugly is the way they act. But this truth becomes confused by older girls and women who make silly comments about how they or others look.

If someone uses "fat talk" in the presence of my daughters, I step in. I want them to be healthy and love their bodies as they are – perfect in their imperfection. I want to help them build their confidence on the strong foundation of self-love rather than the quicksand of others' approval. Can you imagine a warrior worrying about her looks or what others might think?

I also make sure to recognize and appreciate the true beauty: a beautiful smile, a beautiful heart full of love, kindness, and respectful conduct.

Teach them to be proud of who they are

A sure way to foster confidence is to give children unconditional love, the 'I love you even when you misbehave' kind of love. You don't have to tell them that, but you have to make sure they know it.

Each of my daughters has unique talents, and they all have their weaknesses, too. One might be better at math and the other a better gymnast, and that's okay. We're all different, and being different is our strength. A true warrior recognizes her weakness, but doesn't obsess over it.

I tell my daughters every day to "focus on what is good." Be proud of who you are and celebrate your girliness (and later, your womanhood). My daughters should never hear that they can't do something because it's not a girly thing to do. They should never have to hide their brains, because popular media says that being too smart is not attractive in women.

I also encourage them to know where they come from and be proud of it. Belonging to a culturally mixed family, my daughters have learned from early on about differences and being unique. They have also learned to appreciate the advantages of their mixed heritage, such as being able to speak two languages and having relatives in different countries.

Give them good role models

Sleeping Beauty and Snow White were never my favorite. I prefer to share the adventures of the brave and bold Pippi Longstocking and Dahl's Matilda with my daughters than traditional fairy tales featuring princesses whose life's goal is to be saved by a handsome prince and get married. Why do these stories always end at a wedding? What did Cinderella do after she became a princess? Did she work to help orphans like herself working as servants in her kingdom?

Give your girls the right role models and make sure they know their aspirations should not to be limited to being pretty and popular. Perhaps there aren't that many strong female characters in children's literature, but there are many heroic ladies whose biographies you can read for a bedtime story.

"Fantastically Great Women Who Changed the World" by Kate Pankhurst is a good start, and so are books from the "Little People, Big Dreams" series. Or perhaps there are unsung heroines in your own family or community – grandmothers, aunts, cousins, or neighbors whose lives could be inspiration for little girl's dreams.

Give them something to fight for

I don't want my warrior princesses shaking their spears at the windmills, so I try to show them the world in its true colors and teach them the difference between good and bad. Poverty, injustice, racism, and environmental pollution are all around us. We shouldn't pretend they don't exist just so our little girls don't get upset.

Be honest with your children and frankly discuss serious issues in age appropriate language. Don't keep them in the dark. Instead, make them understand that problems exist, and so do the solutions.

If you're involved in community work – get your daughters involved, too. Let them put their own fundraising cake sale stall next to yours, or find an appropriate volunteering role for them. Perhaps they could walk the dog for an elderly neighbor or help disadvantaged children with their homework.

Foster empathy

No one fights for a cause just because their mom told them to. To make a true difference, you have to be passionate about getting results. And to spark this passion you need empathy. Is empathy something that can be taught? It is, actually.

I share stories that deal with hardships and problems, stories that don't necessarily have happy endings, like the original Hans Christian Andersen tales. Storytelling is powerful and a great exercise for our emotional intelligence.

Encourage your children to recognize their own emotions and know that it's okay to feel unhappy, angry, and sad. Emotions are not good or bad; we have to learn to deal with the positive as well as the negative ones.

Emphasize the importance of being kind over being the best. Tell your little warrior girl that personal happiness will come as a bonus when you strive to live a good life.

Try to understand people instead of condemning them. If you see someone speeding, think and say that perhaps they're in hurry to reach their injured child in hospital. If you see a toddler throwing a tantrum, remark that maybe it's because they're hungry or tired. If you get into the habit of being empathetic, and you speak the language of empathy, your daughters will follow. And empathy leads to happiness.

Let 'no' mean 'no'

Helplessness is a learned trait. So is capability. I want to make sure that my daughters learn the latter. It's a bit tricky teaching your children that they both have a right to make their own decisions, and need to listen to you at the same time. It's tricky, but not impossible.

To start, I let my daughters decide what and when to eat and never force them to finish the food they don't like. I let them wear whatever they want as long as it's situation and weather appropriate, and I don't care if they match spots with stripes.

If they refuse to wear a hat on a cold day, that's okay. I suggest they put it in their coat pocket in case they get cold. If they suggest a family activity, like a board game, I join in. If my daughters demanded a new toy during a shopping trip, on the other hand, I say no. I want them to know they have a right to make their own choices and say no and that their no will be respected, just as I expect them to respect mine.

Teach them responsibility

Making your own choices is great, but to truly own your decision you have to be responsible for the outcome, too. So, I make my daughters clean up their own toys and books. They have to sweep the floor if they spill sugar on it.

I don't take it upon myself to solve their boredom. I can point out choices they have, but I do not organize their days. Obviously, I'm there for my girls if they get in trouble, or if they can't manage to do something on their own and they know it. I remind them that not everything is in our hands, that we have limited control over the circumstances.

But so what? Happiness cannot be found in circumstances, it's in us. And we don't have to wait for a prince or a superhero to save us. We can do it ourselves. Whatever happens to us can make us stronger.

Let them know they can achieve anything

The great women who changed the world didn't do it by waving magic wands and whispering spells. They didn't accomplish their goals because they were born talented. They achieved whatever they did through hard work and determination.

This is the message I want my daughters to learn from reading the story of Maria Curie, Emmeline Pankhurst, or Malala Yousufzai. This is why I am careful when praising them, remembering to applaud their efforts rather than exclaiming, "You're so smart."

Let them play

Children need to play. And they need their play to be challenging, even risky. That's why I sometimes close my eyes when I feel my girls are swinging too high to stop myself from stopping them. Risky play teaches them to deal with stress and build their courage, essential for every aspiring warrior. Unstructured free play also fosters inner drive – a sense of trust in themselves.

Over protection, on the other hand, can leave children unable to cope with stress and more prone to mental health problems. Of course, I don't want my children to hurt themselves or get into dangerous situations, but there's a difference between a risky challenge and a hazard.

Climbing a tree is risky, but not really a hazard. Crossing a busy road is a hazard, and it's crucial that my daughters learn how to do it safely. I also know that I should never push my children to take on challenges they're not ready for – unless I want to kill that precious inner drive in them.

Build their physical and emotional strength

Warriors need to be strong. While all of the above is meant to develop character and build emotional strength, we can't forget the physical aspect. I want my children to eat healthy food, so I get them involved in food preparation and talk to them about vitamins and nutrients. I want them to have plenty of exercise, so I strive to take them out daily, even when it's cold.

I discipline, not to control their behavior, but to give them a healthy framework and help them learn self-control.


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Sometimes it can feel like toys are a mama's frenemy. While we love the idea of entertaining our children and want to give them items that make them happy, toys can end up taking the joy out of our own motherhood experience. For every child begging for another plastic figurine, there's a mama who spends her post-bedtime hours digging toys out from under the couch, dining room table and probably her own bed.

Like so many other moms, I've often found myself between this rock and hard place in parenting. I want to encourage toys that help with developmental milestones, but struggle to control the mess. Is there a middle ground between clutter and creative play?

Enter: Lovevery.

lovevery toys

Lovevery Play Kits are like the care packages you wish your child's grandparent would send every month. Expertly curated by child development specialists, each kit is crafted to encourage your child's current developmental milestones with beautiful toys and insightful activity ideas for parents. A flip book of how-tos and recommendations accompanies each box, giving parents not only tips for making the most of each developmental stage, but also explaining how the games and activities benefit those growing brains.

Even better, the toys are legitimately beautiful. Made from eco-friendly, sustainable materials materials and artfully designed, I even find myself less bothered when my toddler leaves hers strewn across the living room floor.

What I really love, though, is that the kits are about so much more than toys. Each box is like a springboard of imaginative, open-ended play that starts with the included playthings and expands into daily activities we can do during breakfast or while driving to and from lessons. For the first time, I feel like a company isn't just trying to sell me more toys―they're providing expert guidance on how to engage in educational play with my child. And with baby kits that range from age 0 to 12 months and toddler kits for ages 13 to 24 months, the kits are there for me during every major step of development I'll encounter as a new mama.

So maybe I'll never love toys―but I will always love spending time with my children. And with Lovevery's unique products, mixing those worlds has become child's play.


This article was sponsored by Lovevery. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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One hour.

That's all this summer goal requires. It requires pretty much no planning or bucket list-making or thought, other than keeping your eyes open for opportunity. This hour will find you.

I figured out the impact of this hour when we spent last weekend at a water park while my son played lacrosse. Going back and forth from game to hotel water park all weekend left us feeling disjointed and exhausted. It was lots of fun, but I was just tired at the end of it. Every bone in my body couldn't wait to get home.

My kids, however, who can run all day and still not be tired, really wanted just one more hour in the water park. This meant I'd have to put on my bathing suit. We had to check out of our room, so if we stayed, we'd have to change in the damp, icky changing area. My hair would be wet. The water park was so loud. Not one thing about the idea of staying sounded appealing to me.

But still, they wanted to stay. They looked at us with hopeful eyes, begging for the fun to continue. Pretty much every other family was headed home. But we made a decision that changed how I am looking at my whole summer – and, really, how I'm looking at how my role as a parent.

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We stayed the extra hour. I am not exaggerating when I say it made all the difference.

I dug deep and decided I was going to be Fun Mom for an hour. I could have been Sit-in-a-chair-and-half-heartedly-watch-their-antics Mom for an hour, but I decided that would be a waste. If I wasn't going home, I was going to really be there for an hour. I was going to get my hair wet and not complain. For one hour, I was basically going to be a kid.

And it was So. Much. Fun.

I realized how important this hour was about 10 minutes in, when I found myself racing up the steps of the kiddie water slide area, chasing after Sam, plotting how I could adjust my way of sliding to finally beat him in our water slide race. I was ALL IN at that moment.

When I said I would slide with him, Sam's eyes lit right up and his little arms shot up in the air with a giant “YES!" He wanted to have fun with me. In that moment, I was not just Fun Mom. I was Fun Amy.

Having fun with your kids allows you to see them in a whole new light. I watched Sam use his God-given giant load of energy to run and run and run and embrace that hour, so much that I think he may be a fun genius.

I watched Kate fearlessly whip down water slides that made me scream like a baby. She held my hand. She was the one who was brave. She had no fear, and her fierce independence and determination made me feel lucky to be her friend for an hour.

I watched Thomas take Sam under his wing when it was his turn for slide races. I watched him teach Sam new water tricks and happily play in the kiddie area with reckless abandon, being kind and awesome to his brother at every turn.

I watched Ellie and Lily with their arms around each other, best friends for this sacred hour. I went down sides with each of them and floated through the lazy river as we all chatted, without a care in the world.

I held Todd's hand and rode down a slide with him in a double tube, just like in our dating days, our kids watching from behind, rolling their eyes with huge grins on their faces, hopefully seeing that marriage is more than making lunches and carting them around – that marriage is having actual fun with each other.

Spend the hour, my friends.

This hour reminded me how awesome it is to be the fun mom, to just be human with your kids. It reminded me how amazing it can be to say yes.

Sure, I could have used that hour to start on the massive pile of laundry we brought home. And full disclosure: We pushed ourselves to the point that there was plenty of super tired whining and complaining when we drove home. That hour could have saved us from having to stop for a little treat on the way home because now dinner was too far away. The house might have been cleaner and my people fed on time and in bed earlier had we not spent the hour.

But the laundry and the whining and the feeding of the people will always be there. That hour of fun was not only priceless. It was fleeting, like a feather in the wind we could catch if we tried. And we did.

Your hour may not be water park fun. This may sound like sheer torture to you. But your hour can be anything. And seriously, it's just an hour. We can do anything for an hour.

Thinking back, I remember my parents taking this same hour with us. My dad raced from roller coaster to roller coaster with my more adventurous siblings. My mom became more fun than any teenage shopping buddy we had. They spent the time. They took the hour. And we have amazing family memories because of it.

Life tries to drum that hour out of us. It tries to make us believe that getting stuff done is the ultimate prize. I am all for folded laundry and an empty sink and kids who are asleep at bedtime. But don't let life keep you from taking an hour here and there.

Find what you love, share it with your kids, say yes even when every bone in your old and weary body says no. Let your kids hear you scream like a kid going down a water slide. Get your hair wet. Eat ice cream for dinner. Play a family game of tag at the park as the sun goes down.

Show your kids you are more than a task master who cares too much about beds being made. Show them that you are not just the adult who wants them to entertain themselves at the water park while you sit in a hot tub (although I did that this weekend, too, and it was amazing).

Show them that family is fun, and that fun can actually come first. Show them the kid in you. It will bond you together in a whole new way.

Make it your goal this summer to take the hour. Those moments will make all the difference. And it's the moments that will change your family forever.

This post was originally published on Hiding in the Closet with Coffee.

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Breastfeeding is not easy. But neither is weaning. That's why this powerful photo from Brazilian mama Maya Vorderstrasse is going viral. Her husband captured the first time she ever breastfed their second daughter and next to it, almost two years later, the last time she fed their daughter from her breast.

And it's not just the photo that is powerful. In her caption Maya shares her emotional struggles with weaning and the tricks they used to make this transition easier for their youngest daughter. The caption reads:

"The first and last time my precious daughter ever nursed.

I didn't know that one person could feel so proud and so broken at the same time, right now I am a hormonal, emotional, and mental mess.

Raising my arm in this picture was very difficult for me as I had to fight through uncontrollable tears: this picture meant that I would never breastfeed my daughter ever again. I have been nursing for so long, that I don't know what it's like to not nurse anymore.



As I looked behind the camera, my husband is crying like I had never seen him cry before, like seriously, a deep gut cry. I was her comfort, her safe place, and I hope she still finds me that way. A month shy of 2 years old, she finally has a bed in a shared bedroom with her sister. We bought her her first bed, used any distraction we could come up with, snacks and new toys to keep her mind off of it.

My husband has taken over bedtime completely, including all nighttime wakings. We are on our third day, and every day gets a little bit easier. The guilt I feel for not putting her to bed is so intense and I can't wait to go back to it once she doesn't ask to nurse anymore. Closing a chapter is painful, but I am hopeful that this new season of our lives will also be special in its own way.

Through this maturation step she will not only grow more independent, but I will get a much needed break. She unlatched for the last time and sobbingly I said to my husband: "I did my best". He hugged me and responded with: "No. You did THE best, because you gave her your all". I love my family and am so thankful for such special and unforgettable moments like these. 💛

*my lazy boob has no clue about what's going on, but thoughts and prayers are accepted for my good one, I really think it might explode🤱🏻

**thank you to my husband, for insisting on filming this, I will treasure this forever.🤳🏼👩"

You've got this mama!

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If you're looking for basics for the kids for summer, you're in luck, mama. Primary clothes don't have logos or sparkles—they're classic prints and colors that can easily transition from one kid to the next. And this week, Primary is celebrating the new season with a major summer sale.

Items, like swimsuits, dresses, polos and more, are over 50% off. Most pieces are under $10 so you can stock up on an entire new wardrobe without breaking the budget.

Here's what we're adding to our carts—shop the entire sale here:

1. Baby rainbow stripe rash guard

With UPF 50, you can rest easy knowing baby has extra protection outdoors.

$14.50

SHOP

2. The track short

The easy pull-on waist will make outfit changes a breeze.

$10.50

SHOP

3. Rainbow stripe one-piece

Cute? Check. Will stay in place? Check. UPF 50? Check.

$18.00

SHOP

4. The short sleeve twirly dress

Made of 100% cotton jersey, this one will be a staple all summer long.

$10.00

SHOP

5. The polo babysuit

Perfect to dress up or down.

$8.00

SHOP

Motherly is your daily #momlife manual; we are here to help you easily find the best, most beautiful products for your life that actually work. We share what we love—and we may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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Being an adult is no joke. Beyond dressing ourselves and our kids and, ya know, feeding and bathing the family, there are so many other things that life throws at us. And because we're adults, we have to take care of these myriad to-dos. Welcome to: Adulting!

I'm not just talking about laundry, filling up the gas tank and stocking the fridge with groceries, but those tasks that always get pushed back. Getting life insurance. Refinancing your loan debt. (Students loans? Us, too.) Signing up for marriage counseling.

But guess what? These seemingly heavy-lift tasks are now a whole lot easier and faster to tackle. Here's how to check off your most tedious adulting chores.

The life insurance

When you're single with no descendants, life insurance might not seem like a top priority. But when you suddenly have a kid (or three), setting your family up for financial success is a must. And thanks to Ladder, obtaining a policy isn't the taxing, cringe-inducing process it used to be! It's modern and easy to use—seriously, you can even sign up for a policy from your phone or tablet. Ladder makes it possible to obtain a policy in under five minutes. Yes, really. See? No need to procrastinate!

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The student loan redux

You have the degree and the career and you also have the debt. And like us, you're likely just paying your monthly minimums without considering refinancing your student loans—because that sounds hard and complicated. Laurel Road simplifies the process. You can check your rates in only a few minutes (and don't worry, doing so won't impact to your credit score!).

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The marriage counselor

Did you know that 66% of couples report a drop in marital satisfaction when baby arrives? It's not surprising that an infant can cause stress for mama, but all that pressure can affect your relationship, too. Taking the time to really invest in marriage counseling often falls to the bottom of the to-do lists because of the many hurdles—finding a therapist, traveling to appointments, the cost of copays or out-of-pocket fees, the stigma around it all. With Lasting, however, you and your partner pair your apps and can begin working on your relationship together on your own timeline.

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Motherly is your daily #momlife manual. We share what we love—and we may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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