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Just because my girls like to play rough it doesn’t mean they are ‘acting like boys’

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"She's quite a tomboy, you are going to have your hands full," said a stranger to me one day.

I was at the playground with my 18-month-old daughter two days before giving birth to my second daughter. Heavily pregnant and utterly exhausted, I struggled to keep up as my toddler climbed, jumped, swung and ran up and down the brightly colored play structure.

I mustered up a weak smile and said something like, "I know, she's very active."

When my oldest was 5 years old and my youngest was four, we moved into a new house up a quiet street at the end of a cul-de-sac. A few months after moving in, I bumped into our elderly neighbor while we were out getting our mail. She wasted no time in sharing her observations of my children.

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"Oh, your daughters are always climbing and falling down. They are more like boys than girls," she said.

When my daughters were in preschool they decided they wanted to be sea creatures for Halloween. At the Halloween parade, the children all lined up in their costumes to parade around the building collecting candy. I stood next to another mom taking pictures of the classroom girls in their costumes. Lined up were 11 princesses, one lobster, and one octopus.

She chuckled as she clicked photos, "Your girls are the least girly girls I know."

I was hoping it was a generational thing but the off-handed comments continued rolling in from people of all ages, genders and backgrounds. They came from friends, family, colleagues and strangers.

Just last week a close family friend fell victim to the trend. While having dinner, my daughters wanted to show off their latest invention to our guest, something that involved a clothesline, pulley system and their pet tortoise.

As my husband scolded them and said, "Let auntie eat her dinner," this well educated, open-minded, unmarried woman turned to us and said, "You are not raising girls, you know?"

Looking back, I have done it too. On more than one occasion I have chided my girls about proper behavior:

"Sit like a lady."

"Princesses don't eat with their mouths open."

"That's not very lady-like."

Every time my daughters are running, playing, climbing, jumping and just plain acting like an energetic kid someone—even myself—comments that they are acting like boys. I wonder how many of these comments my daughters have heard and what they think of them.

The message is clear: Every time a young girl is playing, building, rough-housing, constructing, or just being active then she is behaving "like a boy."

I know how these comments have made me feel.

They feel like an admonishment to me as a parent saying, "Hey Mom, control your daughters."

They feel like a gentle warning to my children saying, "Hey sisters, get back to your role. Remember who you are."

These comments are a sneaky reminder for parents to get their young girls in line. Girls should be quiet, obedient, passive; definitely not loud, energetic, and boisterous like boys.

I have found myself feeling embarrassed in public places when my daughters rough-house, laugh exuberantly, or heaven forbid tell an adult their opinion. Gender expectations and daily vernacular are so deeply ingrained that we are inadvertently pressuring our daughters to act "like girls" by being ashamed of and discouraging "boy-like" behavior.

We need to think deeply on the small everyday things we say and do to begin to rectify the massive wrongs that have been done to our daughters, sisters, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, wives, and friends for too long.

We need to rethink how we talk to our girls to avoid reinforcing gender stereotypes that have contributed to where we are today.

In a time when almost every woman I know has suffered harassment or assault in their lifetime, we must stop teaching our children that certain behaviors are "boy-like" and certain behaviors are "girl-like." All children need to be taught first and foremost that respect has no gender. And decency is human.

Despite the frequent judgemental remarks about my daughters' behavior, I have decided to celebrate their wonderful dizzying energy without giving into societal pressures to make them act more "like girls."

I want to change the way I talk to my girls. I want them to embrace being loud, strong, smart, active, determined girls.

Our daughters are not acting like boys when they think outside the box and dress as an octopus for Halloween.

Our daughters are not acting like boys when they confidently express their opinions to peers and adults.

Our daughters are not acting like boys when they climb with strong sure feet to the very top of the tree.

They are not acting like boys. They are acting like self-confident girls with strong, sure voices that will stand up for themselves and each other.

With our guidance, these girls will grow into women who will not quietly endure gender mistreatment and harassment. We need to teach our girls to demand respect and not tolerate anything less, and it starts by redefining what it means to act like a girl.

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As a former beauty editor, I pride myself in housing the best skincare products in my bathroom. Walk in and you're sure to be greeted with purifying masks, micellar water, retinol ceramide capsules and Vitamin C serums. What can I say? Old habits die hard. But when I had my son, I was hesitant to use products on him. I wanted to keep his baby-soft skin for as long as possible, without tainting it with harsh chemicals.

Eventually, I acquiesced and began using leading brands on his sensitive skin. I immediately regretted it. His skin became dry and itchy and regardless of what I used on him, it never seemed to get better. I found myself asking, "Why don't beauty brands care about baby skin as much as they care about adult skin?"

When I had my daughter in May, I knew I had to take a different approach for her skin. Instead of using popular brands that are loaded with petroleum and parabens, I opted for cleaner products. These days I'm all about skincare that contains super-fruits (like pomegranate sterols, which are brimming with antioxidants) and sulfate-free cleansers that contain glycolipids that won't over-dry her skin. And, so far, Pipette gets it right.

What's in it

At first glance, the collection of shampoo, wipes, balm, oil and lotion looks like your typical baby line—I swear cute colors and a clean look gets me everytime—but there's one major difference: All products are environmentally friendly and cruelty-free, with ingredients derived from plants or nontoxic synthetic sources. Also, at the core of Pipette's formula is squalane, which is basically a powerhouse moisturizing ingredient that babies make in utero that helps protect their skin for the first few hours after birth. And, thanks to research, we know that squalane isn't an irritant, and is best for those with sensitive skin. Finally, a brand really considered my baby's dry skin.

Off the bat, I was most interested in the baby balm because let's be honest, can you ever have too much protection down there? After applying, I noticed it quickly absorbed into her delicate skin. No rash. No irritation. No annoyed baby. Mama was happy. It's also worth noting there wasn't any white residue left on her bottom that usually requires several wipes to remove.


Why it's different

I love that Pipette doesn't smell like an artificial baby—you, know that powdery, musky note that never actually smells like a newborn. It's fragrance free, which means I can continue to smell my daughter's natural scent that's seriously out of this world. I also enjoy that the products are lightweight, making her skin (and my fingers) feel super smooth and soft even hours after application.

The bottom line

Caring for a baby's sensitive skin isn't easy. There's so much to think about, but Pipette makes it easier for mamas who don't want to compromise on safety or sustainability. I'm obsessed, and I plan to start using the entire collection on my toddler as well. What can I say, old habits indeed die hard.

This article was sponsored by Pipette. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Military families give up so much for their country, particularly when they have small children at home. Those of us who have never witnessed this kind of sacrifice first-hand could use a reminder of it once in a while, which is just one of the reasons we're so happy to see the beautiful photoshoot Mary Chevalier arranged for her husband's return home from Afghanistan.

The photoshoot was extra special because while James Chevalier was serving a nine-month deployment, Mary gave birth to their second son, Caspian.

Getting ready to meet Dad

"During the laboring and birthing process of Caspian, I was surrounded by family, but that did not fill the void of not having my husband by my side," Mary told InsideEdition.com. "He was able to video chat during the labor and birth, but for both of us, it was not enough."

While James had yet to meet Caspian, their 3-year-old son, Gage, missed his dad a whole lot, so this homecoming was going to be a big deal for him too. That's why Mary arranged for her wedding photographer, Brittany Watson, to be with them for their reunion in Atlanta.

Gage was so happy to see his Dad 

"[He] had no idea he was going to be getting to see his daddy that day," Watson wrote on Facebook. "The family met at the Southeastern Railway Museum for Gage to go on a special train ride... little did he know, he'd be doing it with daddy!"

Watson did a beautiful job capturing the high emotions of every single family member, from Gage's surprise, to the delight on baby Caspian's face. It's no wonder her Facebook post went viral last week.

"Caspian is natural, a very happy baby, but both James and I felt like Caspian knew who his father was almost immediately," Mary told Inside Edition. "He was easily comforted by me husband right off the bat and seemed to have an instant connection. It was very emotional."

The moment this dad had been waiting for 

If we're sobbing just looking at the photos, we can't even imagine what it was like in real life.

"We are all so blessed and take so much for granted," Watson wrote. "I cannot contain the joy I feel in my heart when I look at these images, and I hope you feel it too!"


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During both of my pregnancies, I was under the care of an amazing midwife. Every time I went to her office for check-ups, I was mesmerized by the wall of photos participating in what may be the most painfully magical moment of a woman's life: giving birth. But there was a painting that always drew my attention: a woman dressed in orange, holding her newborn baby with a face that could be described as clueless. The line above the canvas read, "Now what?"

I felt like the woman in the painting as I kissed my mother goodbye when my daughter was born. She came from my native Colombia to stay with us for three months. When she left, I realized that my husband had been working as usual during those first 90 days of our new life. My baby was born on a Friday and on Monday he was back at the office. (No parental leave policy for him.)

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Now what? I thought. The quote "It takes a village to raise a child" suddenly started to hit home, literally.

After a few years in Miami, I had some friends, but it truly didn't feel like I had a village. Some were not mothers yet, most of them worked full-time and others didn't live close by. My nomad life left my best friends spread out in different places in the world. I found myself signing up for "mommy and me" classes in search of new mothers, immigrants like me, alone like me.

It seemed like a utopian dream to think about when my grandmothers became mothers. Both of them had 6 and 10 children and they were able to stay sane (or maybe not? I don't know). But at least they had family around—people cooking, offering help. There was a sense of community.

My mother and father grew up in "the village." Big families with so many children that the older siblings ended up taking care of the little ones; aunts were like second mothers and neighbors became family.

When I was about to give birth to my second baby, my sister had just had her baby girl back in Colombia. Once, she called me crying because her maternity leave was almost over. My parents live close to her, so that was a bonus. Hiring a nanny back there is more affordable. But even seeing the positive aspects of it, I wished I could have been there for her, to be each other's village.

The younger me didn't realize that when I took a plane to leave my country in search of new experiences 19 years ago, I was giving up the chance to have my loved ones close by when I became a mother. And when I say close by, I mean as in no planes involved.

It hasn't been easy, but after two kids and plenty of mommy and me classes and random conversations that became true connections, I can say I have a mini-village, a small collection of solitudes coming together to lean on each other. But for some reason, it doesn't truly feel like one of those described in the old books where women gathered to knit while breastfeeding and all the children become like siblings.

Life gets in the way, and everyone gets sucked into their own worlds. In the absence of a true village, we feel the pressure to be and do everything that once was done by a group of people. We often lose perspective of priorities because we are taking care of everything at the same time. Starting to feel sick causes anxiety and even fear because it means so many things need to happen in order for mom—especially if single—to lay down and recover while the children are taken care of. And when the children get sick, that could mean losing money for a working mother or father, because the truth is that most corporations are not designed to nurture families.

In the absence of that model of a village I long for, we tend to rely on social media to have a sense of community and feel supported. We may feel that since we are capable of doing so much—working and stay at home moms equally—perhaps we don't need help. Or quite the opposite: mom guilt kicks in and feelings of not being enough torment our night sleep. Depression and anxiety can enter the picture and just thinking about the amount of energy and time that takes to create true connections, we may often curl up in our little cocoon with our children and partners—if they are present—when they come home.

Now what? was my thought this week while driving back and forth to the pediatrician with my sick son. I can't get the virus, I have to be strong, my daughter can't get ill, my husband needs to be healthy for his work trip next week, we all need to be well for my son's fifth birthday. And so, it goes on. I texted one of my mom friends just to rant. She rants back because her son is also sick. She sent me a heart and an "I'm here if you need to talk."

I am grateful to have talked to her at that random postpartum circle when I first became a mother. She's a Latina immigrant like me and feels exactly like me. I will do it more, get out of my comfort zone and have—sometimes—awkward conversations so I can keep growing my own little village.

It may not look like the one I'd imagined, but still may allow me to be vulnerable even through a text message.

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Halloween is around the corner, but if you are like me you are still trying to figure out what to dress your family (especially the little ones), so here are some cute ideas inspired by famous characters. There's something for everyone—from cartoon lovers to ideas for the entire family!

Here are some adorable character costumes for your family:

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