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As I paused to catch my breath a the top of the peak during a recent trail run, I pulled out my phone to take a picture of the incredible mountain views that surrounded me. But first, there it was: a text message that transported me straight back into the role of 'mom'.

"What time do I lay the baby down again?" our caregiver for the morning asked.

While I answered, I was reminded yet again that parents are never totally off-duty—and that seems especially true due to the emergence of technology that keeps us ever-connected to our children and homes.

Even though this experience of "continuous parenting" is certainly with its benefits, the rate at which parents claim to be burning out doesn't seem entirely coincidental: When we expect mothers and fathers to put parenting first at all times, we are not creating healthy boundaries for ourselves and we are not sending our children good messages about setting boundaries, either.

The alternative? Encouraging mindfulness around the times when parenting should take precedence—and when it is fine to move those responsibilities to the backseat.

"It is important to demonstrate for our children that it is okay to 'switch off,' make mistakes and move at a slower pace," says Dr. Sophia Brock from Australian Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (AMIRCI).

Parents are more involved in their children's lives than ever

Much has been said about the rise of "helicopter parents." But, even for those of us who make every attempt to keep our feet on the ground, parenting consumes more of our time and energy than in generations past: According to a 2017 global analysis by The Economist, parents now spend twice as much time with their children as parents from 50 years ago. In fact, even the working moms of today have as much daily interaction with their kids as the stay-at-home moms of 1975—and that's not to mention how technology enables us to stay connected even when physically separated.

However, to say that technology is the only factor behind the rise of "continuous parenting" would be inaccurate, says Dr. Brock. Rather, the fact that text messages and push notifications have coincided with the emergence of the "intensive parenting model" has created a recipe for overextending ourselves.

"In order to be a 'good parent,' we are expected to be continuously engaged with every aspect of our children's lives, continually prioritize their wants and needs above our own and be emotionally consumed by parenting," she says, noting this was not historically the experience of mothers. "It is all encompassing and overwhelming."

Attaching personal value to children doesn't benefit either party

As former Stanford University dean of freshmen Julie Lythcott-Haims wrote in her book, How to Raise an Adult, "When I ask parents why they participate in the overprotection, overdirection, hand-holding frenzy, they respond, 'So my kid can be happy and successful.' When I ask them how it feels, they respond, 'Way too stressful.'"

By conflating personal success with the success of our children, we are doing everyone a disservice, Dr. Brock tells Motherly, noting that research shows the expectation that mothers derive their happiness primarily from their children is associated with negative maternal mental health outcomes.

"Nobody can be a continuous, intensive, perfect parent all the time," she says. "We will inevitably fail, and with that sense of failure also comes feelings of guilt."

Simultaneously, constant engagement in our children's lives and the hesitation to let them take healthy risks interrupts their opportunities to build resilience, a key trait for them to embody as they move into adolescence and adulthood.

"Continuous parenting is reducing the opportunities children have to engage in critical 'free play,'" Brock says, adding this puts children at increased risk for anxiety, depression and problems with self-control and attention.

Fostering independence in our children and fellow caregivers

In the case of the mountainside text, it was a situation admittedly of my own making: I have the tendency to manage (or micromanage) the how, when and why my children go down for naps and bedtime. More than once, the words "I'll just stay home and do it myself" have come out of my mouth—as it's felt easier to do something that feels second-nature to me than to explain everything there was to know to someone else.

Not only does that make it harder for me to get the space I need for my own interests, but it's also hindering the empowerment that caregivers such as grandparents, babysitters and even my own husband feel when holding down the homefront.

There is good news, though. The solution is, at least theoretically, simple: relinquish control on occasion.

"We can try to combat the pressures we are under to be continuous parents by letting go a little more, reducing our expectations, being kinder to ourselves, seeking support when needed and making sure we maintain connections to the community," Dr. Brock says.

Parallel to that, we need to encourage independence in our children—to remind them they are able to pick themselves up all on their own. That was something that Kaitlyn, an Ontario mother who balances working from home while caring for her toddler, says she was keenly aware of fostering from an early age.

"We have designated break times—right now, that takes the form of naps, but if he skips a nap, he still has 'rest time' in his room," she says. "I have very much taken myself off the hook to be a designated "provider of fun'... I never withhold anything, but I also know he's capable of solo time because I've allowed him to try it out."

Parents need to feel supported in having space, too

As commonsense at that may be, I can say from experience that society isn't always in alignment with that—as evidenced by the mom who was shamed for texting at the airport or by the ire that was directed at Beyonce (of all people) for going on a date with her husband following her twins' birth. Weighing that, it's no surprise 70% of moms said they felt pressured to parent a certain way. (Fathers experience pressures in different ways, as Prince William even explained recently.)

In other words, we aren't putting all the pressure on ourselves to continuous parent in a vacuum: The sense that this is the norm is reinforced in different ways, from the daycare's option to stream video to the study that found 41% of parents "can't remember" the last time the last time they had a kid-free outing.

But there is a difference between quantity of time and quality time. Just as vacations from work allow us to recharge and refocus, creating healthy breaks from the responsibilities of parenting helps us discover newfound patience, renews our enthusiasm, and, most importantly, inspires a more mindful approaches to parenting overall. Meanwhile, our children and fellow caregivers have the space to feel more empowered in their abilities. That is the kind of win-win scenario that parents deserve to experience and celebrate.

Originally posted on Medium.

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We spend a lot of time prepping for the arrival of a baby. But when it comes to the arrival of our breast milk (and all the massive adjustments that come with it), it's easy to be caught off guard. Stocking up on a few breastfeeding essentials can make the transition to breastfeeding a lot less stressful, which means more time and energy focusing on what's most important: Your recovery and your brand new baby.

Here are the essential breastfeeding tools you'll need, mama:

1. For covering up: A cute nursing cover

First and foremost, please know that all 50 states in the United States have laws that allow women to breastfeed in public. You do not have to cover yourself if you don't want to—and many mamas choose not to—and we are all for it.

That said, if you do anticipate wanting to take a more modest approach to breastfeeding, a nursing cover is a must. You will find an array of styles to choose from, but we love an infinity scarf, like the LK Baby Infinity Nursing Scarf Nursing Cover. You'll be able to wear the nursing cover instead of stuffing it in your already brimming diaper bag—and it's nice to have it right there when the baby is ready to eat.

Also, in the inevitable event that your baby spits-up on you or you leak some milk through your shirt, having a quick and stylish way to cover up is a total #momwin.

2. For getting comfortable: A cozy glider

Having a comfy spot to nurse can make a huge difference. Bonus points if that comfy place totally brings a room together, like the Delta Children Paris Upholstered Glider!

Get your cozy space ready to go, and when your baby is here, you can retreat from the world and just nurse, bond, and love.

3. For unmatched support: A wire-free nursing bra

It may take trying on several brands to find the perfect match, but finding a nursing bra that you love is 100% worth the effort. Your breasts will be changing and working in ways that are hard to imagine. An excellent supportive bra will make this so much more comfortable.

It is crucial to choose a wireless bra for the first weeks of nursing since underwire can increase the risk of clogged ducts (ouch).The Playtex Maternity Shaping Foam Wirefree Nursing Bra is an awesome pick for this reason, and because it is designed to flex and fit your breasts as they go through all those changes.

4. For maximum hydration: A large reusable water bottle

Nothing can prepare you for the intense thirst that hits when breastfeeding. Quench that thirst (and help keep your milk supply up in the process) by always having a water bottle with a straw nearby, like this Exquis Large Outdoor Water Bottle.

5. For feeding convenience: A supportive nursing tank

Experts recommend that during the first weeks of your baby's life, you breastfeed on-demand, meaning that any time your tiny boss demands milk, you feed them. This will help establish your milk supply and get everything off to a good start.

What does this mean for your life? You will be breastfeeding A LOT. Nursing tanks, like the Loving Moments by Leading Lady, make this so much easier. They have built-in support to keep you comfy, and you can totally wear them around the house, or even out and about. When your baby wants to eat, you'll be able to quickly "pop out" a breast and feed them.

6. For pain prevention: A quality nipple ointment

Breastfeeding shouldn't hurt, but the truth is those first days can be uncomfortable. Your nipples will likely feel raw as they adjust to their new job. This will get better! But until it does, nipple ointment is amazing.

My favorite is the Earth Mama Organic Nipple Butter. We love that it's organic, and it is oh-so-soothing on your hard-at-work nipples.

Psst: If it actually hurts when your baby latches on, something may be up, so call your provider or a lactation consultant for help.

7. For uncomfortable moments: A dual breast therapy pack

As your breasts adjust to their new role, you may experience a few discomforts—applying warmth or cold can help make them feel so much better. The Lansinoh TheraPearl 3-in-1 Breast Therapy Pack is awesome because you can microwave the pads or put them in the freezer, giving you a lot of options when your breasts need some TLC.

Again, if you have any concerns about something being wrong (pain, a bump that may be red or hot, fever, or anything else), call a professional right away.

8. For inevitable leaks: An absorbing breast pad

In today's episode of, "Oh come on, really?" you are going to leak breastmilk. Now, this is entirely natural and you are certainly not required to do anything about this. Still, many moms choose to wear breast pads in their bras to avoid leaking through to their shirts.

You can go the convenient and disposable route with Lansinoh Disposable Stay Dry Nursing Pads, or for a more environmentally friendly option, you can choose washable pads, like these Organic Bamboo Nursing Breast Pads.

9. For flexibility: A breast pump

Many women find that a breast pump becomes one of their most essential mom-tools. The ability to provide breast milk when you are away from your baby (and relieve uncomfortable engorged breasts) will add so much flexibility into your new-mom life.

For quick trips out and super-easy in-your-bag transport, opt for a manual pump like the Lansinoh Manual Breast Pump .

If you will be away from your baby for longer periods of time (traveling or working outside the home, for example) an electric pump is your most efficient bet. The Medela Pump In Style Advanced Double Electric Breast Pump is a classic go-to that will absolutely get the job done, and then some.

10. For quality storage: Breast milk bags

Once you pump your liquid gold, aka breast milk, you'll need a place to store it. The Kiinde Twist Pouches allow you to pump directly into the bags which means one less step (and way less to clean).

11. For keeping cool: A freezer bag

Transport your pumped milk back home to your baby safely in a cooler like the Mommy Knows Best Breast Milk Baby Bottle Cooler Bag. Remember to put the milk in a fridge or freezer as soon as you can to optimize how long it stays usable for.

12. For continued nourishment: Bottles

Nothing beats the peace of mind you get when you know that your baby is being well-taken of care—and well fed—until you can be together again. The Philips Avent Natural Baby Bottle Newborn Starter Gift Set is a fan favorite (mama and baby fans alike).

This article is sponsored by Walmart. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Motherly is committed to covering all relevant presidential candidate plans as we approach the 2020 election. We are making efforts to get information from all candidates. Motherly does not endorse any political party or candidate. We stand with and for mothers and advocate for solutions that will reduce maternal stress and benefit women, families and the country.

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A viral video about car seat safety has parents everywhere cracking up and humming Sir-Mix-A-Lot.

"I like safe kids and I cannot lie," raps Norman Regional Health System pediatric hospitalist Dr. Kate Cook (after prefacing her music video with an apology to her children."I'm a doctor tryin' warn you that recs have changed," she continues.

Dr. Cook's rap video is all about the importance of keeping babies facing backward. It's aptly called "Babies Face Back," and uses humor and parody to drive home car seat recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP).

"Switching from rear-facing to forward-facing is a milestone many parents can't wait to reach," Dr. Cook said in a news release about her hilarious video. "But this is one area where you want to delay the transition as long as possible because each one actually reduces the protection to the child."

Last summer the AAP updated its official stance on car seat safety to be more in line with what so many parents were already doing and recommended that kids stay rear-facing for as long as possible. But with so many things to keep track of in life, it is understandable that some parents still don't know about the change. Dr. Cook wants to change that with some cringe-worthy rapping.

The AAP recommends:

  • Babies and toddlers should ride in a rear-facing car safety seat as long as possible, until they reach the highest weight or height allowed by their seat.
  • Once they are facing forward, children should use a forward-facing car safety seat with a harness for as long as possible. Many seats are good up to 65 pounds.
  • When children outgrow their car seat they should use a belt-positioning booster seat until the vehicle's lap and shoulder seat belt fits properly, between 8 and 12 years old.

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[Editor's note: Motherly is committed to covering all relevant presidential candidate plans as we approach the 2020 election. We are making efforts to get information from all candidates. Motherly does not endorse any political party or candidate. We stand with and for mothers and advocate for solutions that will reduce maternal stress and benefit women, families and the country.]

Suicide rates for girls and women in the United States have increased 50% since 2000, according to the CDC and new research indicates a growing number of pregnant and postpartum women are dying by suicide and overdose. Suicide rates for boys and men are up, too.

It's clear there is a mental health crisis in America and it is robbing children of their mothers and mothers of their children.

Medical professionals urge people to get help early, but sometimes getting help is not so simple. For many Americans, the life preserver that is mental health care is out of reach when they are drowning.

Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg just released a plan he hopes could change that and says the neglect of mental health in the United States must end. "Our plan breaks down the barriers around mental health and builds up a sense of belonging that will help millions of suffering Americans heal," says Buttigieg.

He thinks he can "prevent 1 million deaths of despair by 2028" by giving Americans more access to mental health and addictions services.

In a country where giving birth can put a mother in debt, it's not surprising that while as many as 1 in 5 new moms suffers from perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, more than half of new moms who need mental health treatment don't get it. Stigma, childcare and of course costs are factors in why women aren't seeking help when they are struggling.

Buttigieg's plan is interesting because it could remove some of these barriers. He wants to make mental health care more affordable by ensuring everyone has comprehensive coverage for mental health care and by ensuring that everyone can access a free yearly mental health check-up.

That could make getting help more affordable for some moms, and by increasing reimbursement rates for mental health care delivered through telehealth, this plan could help moms get face time with a medical professional without having to deal with finding childcare first.

Estimates from new research suggest that in some parts of America as many as 14% or 30% of maternal deaths are caused by addiction or suicide. Buttigieg's plan aims to reduce those estimates by fighting the addiction and opioid crisis and increasing access to mental health services in underserved communities and for people of color. He also wants to reduce the stigma and increase support for the next generation by requiring "every school across the country to teach Mental Health First Aid courses."

These are lofty goals with a lofty price tag. It would cost about $300 billion to do what Buttigieg sets out in his plan and the specifics of how the plan would be funded aren't yet known. Neither is how voters will react to this 18-page plan and whether it will help Buttigieg stand out in a crowded field of Democratic candidates.

What we do know is that right now, America is talking about mental health and whether or not that benefits Buttigieg's campaign it will certainly benefit America.

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[Editor's Note: Welcome to It's Science, a Motherly column focusing on evidence-based explanations for the important moments, milestones, and phenomena of motherhood. Because it's not just you—#itsscience.]

If you breastfeed, you know just how magical (and trying) it is, but it has numerous benefits for mama and baby. It is known to reduce the likelihood of developing cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, and rheumatoid arthritis, and cuts the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) by half.

If this wasn't powerful enough, scientists have discovered that babies who are fed breast milk have a stomach pH that promotes the formation of HAMLET (Human Alpha-lactalbumin Made Lethal to Tumor cells). HAMLET was discovered by chance when researchers were studying the antibacterial properties of breast milk. This is a combination of proteins and lipids found in breast milk that can work together to kill cancer cells, causing them to pull away from healthy cells, shrink and die, leaving the healthy cells unaffected.

According to researchers at Lund University in Sweden, this mechanism may contribute to the protective effect breast milk has against pediatric tumors and leukemia, which accounts for about 30% of all childhood cancer. Other researchers analyzed 18 different studies, finding that "14% to 19% of all childhood leukemia cases may be prevented by breastfeeding for six months or more."

And recently, doctors in Sweden collaborated with scientists in Prague to find yet another amazing benefit to breast milk. Their research demonstrated that a certain milk sugar called Alpha1H, found only in breast milk, helps in the production of lactose and can transform into a different form that helps break up tumors into microscopic fragments in the body.

Patients who were given a drug based on this milk sugar, rather than a placebo, passed whole tumor fragments in their urine. And there is more laboratory evidence to support that the drug can kill more than 40 different types of cancer cells in animal trials, including brain tumors and colon cancer. These results are inspiring scientists to continue to explore HAMLET as a novel approach to tumor therapy and make Alpha1H available to cancer patients.

Bottom line: If you choose to breastfeed, the breast milk your baby gets from your hard work can be worth every drop of effort.

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