A letter to my son's future stepmom

Someday I hope we can be friends. I really mean that.

A letter to my son's future stepmom

To the other woman in my son's life,

There is a chance you may never see this. I'm writing because I'm struggling with the concept of another woman being in my child's life. This is not what I imagined when I had a child—I didn't think I'd only get to see him part-time or that there would be another mother figure in his life.

But this is my reality. And there are a few things I would like to say.

Please do not meet my child until you feel like this relationship with his father has longevity. My son is a sensitive soul and becomes attached to others easily. He will like you, he will want to spend time with you and if you aren't fully prepared for that, then please do not push to enter into his life. He would be sad if you were to leave and it would be confusing to him that another person has come and gone from his life.


He's really amazing, so you would probably be sad, too.

Because this isn't my son's fault. He had to learn early on that things don't always work out the way you think or necessarily want them to. The magic of his parents being together and growing up in an "intact" household is gone.

He will be different from some of his classmates and may even experience bullying because of this. My son feels things deeply—his outbursts or tearful frustrations could be due to a number of different things. All I ask from you is your empathy and compassion.

Please be gentle with him.

I will never speak badly of you to my child—you have my word. In turn, I hope that you will never speak badly about me either. You have only heard one side of the story and it is important to remember there are always two sides.

I'm sure everything you've heard about me has not been the most flattering. But regardless of what has been said, I deserve to be respected and I promise to do the same for you. This may not always be easy, but if there is respect involved—it can be easier.

I will always be my son's mother. I carried this little person inside of me for nine months, went through a challenging delivery to bring him into this world, and spent many sleepless months feeding him, nurturing him and rocking him while he cried. I have held him through numerous illnesses and reassured him before two different surgeries. I've been there through it all—every diaper, bump, bruise, and development.

I have cried tears of frustration when his little body tried to fight a fever and there was nothing I could do, tears of fear when he was wheeled into the OR, and tears of sadness when my not so little boy went off to his first day of kindergarten.

This in no way diminishes the role that you can play in his life as another person who loves and supports him. I truly believe that the more people that love a child, the better off that child is.

Someday I hope we can be friends. I really mean that. I want to demonstrate to my son that growing up in separate households doesn't mean there has to be contention; that we can get along and share in his life and milestones. That we can be at his sporting events standing side-by-side cheering him on or at his chorus concert waving enthusiastically to him while he stands on the stage.

I know this may just be a fantasy and this friendship may never be, but I can only hope that for my son's sake we can make this work. I'm in, if you are.

So if you made it this far, thank you. Thank you for being another person in my son's life that will support and love him without pause and without question. It means a lot to all of us.


A mama who's trying to do her best

You might also like:

In This Article

    14 Toys that will keep your kids entertained inside *and* outside

    They transition seamlessly for indoor play.

    With Labor day weekend in the rearview and back-to-school in full swing, most parents are fresh out of boxes to check on their "Fun Concierge" hit list. It's also the point of diminishing returns on investing in summer-only toys. So with that in mind, we've rounded up some of our favorite toys that are not only built to last but will easily make the transition from outdoor to indoor play. Even better, they're Montessori-friendly and largely open-ended so your kids can get a ton of use out of them.

    From sunny backyard afternoons to rainy mornings stuck inside, these toys are sure to keep little ones engaged and entertained.

    Meadow ring toss game

    Plan Toys meadow ring toss game

    Besides offering a fantastic opportunity to hone focus, coordination, determination and taking turns, lawn games are just plain fun. Set them up close together for the littles and spread them out when Mom and Dad get in on the action. With their low profile and rope rings, they're great for indoors as well.


    Balance board

    Plan Toys balance board

    Balance boards are a fabulous way to get the wiggles out. This one comes with a rope attachment, making it suitable for even the youngest wigglers. From practicing their balance and building core strength to working on skills that translate to skateboarding and snowboarding, it's a year-round physical activity that's easy to bring inside and use between Zoom classes, too!


    Detective set

    Plan Toys detective setDetective Set

    This set has everything your little detective needs to solve whatever mystery they might encounter: an eye glasses, walkie-talkie, camera, a red lens, a periscope and a bag. Neighborhood watch? Watch out.


    Wooden doll stroller

    Janod wooden doll strollerWooden Doll Stroller

    Take their charges on a stroll around the block with this classic doll stroller. With the same versatility they're used to in their own ride, this heirloom quality carriage allows their doll or stuffy to face them or face the world.


    Sand play set

    Plan Toys sand set

    Whether you're hitting the beach or the backyard sandbox, this adorable wooden sand set is ready for action. Each scoop has an embossed pattern that's perfect for sand stamping. They're also totally suitable for water play in the wild or the bathtub.


    Water play set

    Plan Toys water play set

    Filled with sand or water, this tabletop sized activity set keeps little ones busy, quiet and happy. (A mama's ideal trifecta 😉). It's big enough to satisfy their play needs but not so big it's going to flood your floors if you bring the fun inside on a rainy day.


    Mini golf set

    Plan Toys mini golf set

    Fore! This mini golf set is lawn and living room ready. Set up a backyard competition or incorporate into homeschooling brain breaks that shift focus and build concentration.


    Vintage scooter balance bike

    Janod retro scooter balance bike

    Pedals are so 2010. Balance bikes are the way to go for learning to ride a bike while skipping the training wheels stage altogether. This impossibly cool retro scooter-style is built to cruise the neighborhood or open indoor space as they're learning.


    Wooden rocking pegasus

    plan toys wooden rocking pegasus

    Your little will be ready to take flight on this fun pegasus. It gently rocks back and forth, but doesn't skimp on safety—its winged saddle, footrests and backrest ensure kids won't fall off whether they're rocking inside or outside.


    Croquet set

    Plan Toys croquet set

    The cutest croquet set we've ever seen! With adorable animal face wooden balls and a canvas bag for easy clean up, it's also crafted to stick around awhile. Round after round, it's great for teaching kiddos math and problem-solving skills as well.


    Wooden digital camera

    fathers factory wooden digital camera

    Kids get the chance to assemble the camera on their own then can adventure anywhere to capture the best moments. With two detachable magnetic lenses, four built-in filters and video recorder, your little photographer can tap into their creativity from summertime to the holidays.


    Wooden bulldozer toy

    plan toys wooden bulldozer toy

    Whether they're digging up sand in the backyad or picking up toys inside, kids can get as creative as they want picking up and moving things around. Even better? Its wooden structure means it's not an eye sore to look at wherever your digger drops it.


    Pull-along hippo

    janod toys pull along hippo toy

    There's just something so fun about a classic pull-along toy and we love that they seamlessly transition between indoor and outdoor play. Crafted from solid cherry and beechwood, it's tough enough to endure outdoor spaces your toddler takes it on.


    Baby forest fox ride-on

    janod toys baby fox ride on

    Toddlers will love zooming around on this fox ride-on, and it's a great transition toy into traditional balance bikes. If you take it for a driveway adventure, simply use a damp cloth to wipe down the wheels before bringing back inside.


    We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.


    Sorry, you can’t meet our baby yet

    Thank you for understanding. ❤️

    In just over three weeks, we will become parents. From then on, our hearts will live outside of our bodies. We will finally understand what everyone tells you about bringing a child into the world.

    Lately, the range of emotions and hormones has left me feeling nothing short of my new favorite mom word, "hormotional." I'm sure that's normal though, and something most people start to feel as everything suddenly becomes real.

    Our bags are mostly packed, diaper bag ready, and birth plan in place. Now it's essentially a waiting game. We're finishing up our online childbirth classes which I must say are quite informational and sometimes entertaining. But in between the waiting and the classes, we've had to think about how we're going to handle life after baby's birth.


    I don't mean thinking and planning about the lack of sleep, feeding schedule, or just the overall changes a new baby is going to bring. I'm talking about how we're going to handle excited family members and friends who've waited just as long as we have to meet our child. That sentence sounds so bizarre, right? How we're going to handle family and friends? That sentence shouldn't even have to exist.

    Keep reading Show less

    100 unusual + surprising baby name ideas

    From Adelia to Ziggy.

    Our list of 100 baby names that should be on everyone's list this year includes more choices than in the past of names that are obscure and surprising. That's because there are so many more unusual baby names coming into widespread use and baby namers have become a lot more adventurous.

    Expectant parents do not need to be told to move beyond Jennifer and Jason. Their thinking about names has evolved to the point that the most useful thing we can do is offer a large menu of intriguing choices.

    Here are our picks for the 100 best surprising + unusual baby names now.

    Keep reading Show less
    Learn + Play