I stay up late, pretty much every night, because that’s the time I get to myself. I’m not making any special-request meals for anyone, I’m not forgetting then remembering then forgetting again to put the laundry in the dryer, and I’m not having to figure out the intricacies of our daily schedule.
It’s time for me. To sit in quiet. And hear myself think.
But this means I don’t go to sleep when my husband does. Sure, I may be in bed with him—but he is laying down, going to sleep and I am sitting up with my tea—writing or watching a show or scrolling social media.
The other night as we were saying goodnight, my husband said, “Are you coming to bed, or are you doing your whole tea and phone routine?” He seemed hopeful that I may be putting everything else down—to allow some time to focus on us—to chat and cuddle before we drifted off to sleep.
But, I didn’t. My hot tea and an episode of Scandal was waiting for me. I chose “me” time over “us” time. Again.
I disappointed him—I could hear it in his voice that in his voice as he sighed and turned over, ready to go to bed.
Life as a parent to three children is no joke. Throw in jobs, a house to tend to, bills to pay, schedules to keep up with, choices to make, etc.—it’s hectic. There’s little time left for “us” or “me” because it seems like it’s all about “them” right now.
But, my husband—I want you to know, with every bit of my heart and soul—that I need you.
I need that “How’s your morning going, toots?” text you send me everyday checking in on us. It brings a smile to my face 100% of the time to know you’re thinking of me.
I need your laundry mastery. You average about thirty loads of laundry each weekend. Thank goodness for you. Plus, Martha Stewart’s got nothing on your fitted sheet folding skills!
I need your long, warm hug after a draining day of messes and meltdowns, dirty diapers and dishes.
I need your questions at the dinner table. They make me feel seen and important—like I am an interesting person with things to say other than, “Get your shoes on” 500 times or “Did you really just eat that?” 30 times a day.
I need your company when I have a win. There’s no one else I would rather celebrate with than you. There’s no one else I want to share my success with than you and our girls. You guys are the reason I work hard every day.
I need to see your eyes light up when you look at me and tell me I’m beautiful. I don’t always feel like I deserve that compliment when I’m in a nursing tank top, sweatpants and greasy hair—but I know you mean it, and that helps me to believe it.
I need your hard work and sacrifice. Your commute is long, your job can be stressful, you miss things with the girls during the day—I know it’s not a walk in the park. I see the weight you bare on your shoulders and I just want to lift it for you. I might not always be able to, but I am able to tell you how much I appreciate what you do for us.
I need your dedication to our family. You are a family man and I adore this about you. What do you want to be doing on the weekend? Spending time with us—your wife and daughters. We all have so much fun together and I’m just so glad you enjoy family outings and activities with the kids as much as I do.
I need your friendship. You’re my sounding board, the person who can make me belly laugh like no one else, the one I commiserate with, my #1 cheerleader, the call I want to make when I need to vent. (And you graciously hear me out—thank you.)
I need your continuous determination to turn my cranky moods around. When something is bothering me, you know. I literally can’t hide it from you. Your detective skills are strong and I know I will hear “What’s up? I know something is wrong” continually until the end of time until I just tell you. So I do. And you help me. I need that. I need you to keep doing that.
I need you to “get” me. And you do. I know you’d do anything for me.
And I really want you to know that I am lucky. And grateful. And honored to be your partner.
I may feel like I have to prove to the world that I can do it all, and I may not be great about saying it—but please know that I need you. I want you. I love you.
So guess what’s happening tonight? I’m going to forego catching up on Scandal and I’m going to choose you.