“Even if I did have the time and energyfor sex (which I don’t), we just don’t have that spark anymore…I’m not sure if we can even get back to that desire and excitement we used to have.”
Sound familiar? It’s something I hear from over-worked, over-stretched, and over-responsible moms every day!
I have taught dozens of tools to empower mothers to bring the spark back into their marriages (yes, even with the kids, house, work, and everything else being juggled!). But, there are two game-changing strategies that I believe are key to rediscovering passion with your partner.
Understand the love and passion seesaw
If you want more passion in yourrelationship, you have to understand the invisible force that has been working against you, mama!
Love and Passion work like a seesaw—as one goes up, the other naturally goes down.
Love comes from‘sameness’ and having things in common. That’s what creates friendship—the foundation for love. As you built your long-term relationship, you created more and more things in common, including friends, a house, kids, and your lives. This is an excellent way to deepen your love.
You know what that’s not so excellent for? You guessed it—passion! Passion comes from differences in a relationship.
As the differences fade in a long-term relationship, so may the passion.
The good news is that you can have a height of passion that matches the depth of your love, but you have to create it by cultivating differences with your partner! Although there are dozens of ways to do that, the difference between masculine and feminine energy is the number one thing to cultivate to create a passionate relationship.
Unfortunately, today many couples find themselves stuck in an energy ‘flip-flop’ in which the woman is stuck operating from her masculine energy (pushing, driving, controlling, protecting) and the man is disconnected from his masculine (deferring to his partner) or operating from his feminine energy (nurturing, caring).
To bring the passion back to a relationship, partners should realign with their authentic core energies. Passion is the life-force of a relationship. Without it, a romantic relationship cannot be at its strongest.
So, how does one realign with their authentic core energy?
As a marriage educators, my husband Paul and I teach this extensively in our programs and events.
Let’s start with one key strategy. Understanding what feminine energy really is and what it is not.
Feminine energy has nothing to do with your hair, your makeup, or how you look. And feminine energy has nothing to do with weakness—mama, you know womanhood means strength!
Feminine energy istwo things—an open energy and a willingness to be vulnerable.
So check in with yourself. On a day-to-day basis, how open do you feel on a scale from zero to ten?
Think of zero as being closed, tight, controlling, pushing, driving, or protected. Ten is being truly open, weapons down, walls down, and vulnerable. Where do you tend to gravitate on this spectrum on a day-to-day basis?
Realigning with your authentic feminine energy happens on a spectrum. And it does not happen overnight! But you absolutely can realign to your authentic core and reignite the passion in your relationship and in your life.
Date your spouse
Yes, even with everything youhave going on, you must make dating your husband a priority in your life.
Schedule it. Get a sitter. Make a plan. And go on a date!
Getting out of thehouse is not the same thing as going on a date. Here are two guidelines to kick off a legit date night.
—If you look like you might be dressed for a night with the kiddos, go back upstairs and change, girl! Come downstairs when you look like you are ready for a romantic evening with your partner—and only your partner.
—My husband and I have a dating conversation rule: “No kids, no biz, no house!” That means talk about the kids, business, or the house is off limits on a date!
Before you flip out, there are other things to talk about—you may just need a quick refresher! One product we love is TableTopics for Couples for cards with questions to start meaningful conversations with your partner. On your way out of the house, slip a few of these cards in your purse (not your big mama bag, your date purse!).
And now for the bonus strategy...
When you go out on a date withyour partner, give yourself the gift of being yourself for the night! Take a night off from being mom and be your husband’s wife! You deserve it!
If you want to realign with your core energy, bring the fun and flirting back, and experience red hot passion in your relationship, visit us at RelationshipDevelopment.org and check out our free eBook “It Does NOT Take Two to Tango; How One Partner Can Transform ANY Relationship in 8 Simple Steps.”