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Two easy steps to reignite the spark in your marriage as a new mama

You can have a height of passion that matches the depth of your love, but you have to create it, mama.

Two easy steps to reignite the spark in
your marriage as a new mama

“Even if I did have the time and energyfor sex (which I don’t), we just don’t have that spark anymore…I’m not sure if we can even get back to that desire and excitement we used to have.”


Sound familiar? It’s something I hear from over-worked, over-stretched, and over-responsible moms every day!

I have taught dozens of tools to empower mothers to bring the spark back into their marriages (yes, even with the kids, house, work, and everything else being juggled!). But, there are two game-changing strategies that I believe are key to rediscovering passion with your partner.

Understand the love and passion seesaw

If you want more passion in yourrelationship, you have to understand the invisible force that has been working against you, mama!

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Love and Passion work like a seesaw—as one goes up, the other naturally goes down.

Love comes from‘sameness’ and having things in common. That’s what creates friendship—the foundation for love. As you built your long-term relationship, you created more and more things in common, including friends, a house, kids, and your lives. This is an excellent way to deepen your love.

You know what that’s not so excellent for? You guessed it—passion! Passion comes from differences in a relationship.

As the differences fade in a long-term relationship, so may the passion.

The good news is that you can have a height of passion that matches the depth of your love, but you have to create it by cultivating differences with your partner! Although there are dozens of ways to do that, the difference between masculine and feminine energy is the number one thing to cultivate to create a passionate relationship.

Unfortunately, today many couples find themselves stuck in an energy ‘flip-flop’ in which the woman is stuck operating from her masculine energy (pushing, driving, controlling, protecting) and the man is disconnected from his masculine (deferring to his partner) or operating from his feminine energy (nurturing, caring).

To bring the passion back to a relationship, partners should realign with their authentic core energies. Passion is the life-force of a relationship. Without it, a romantic relationship cannot be at its strongest.

So, how does one realign with their authentic core energy?

As a marriage educators, my husband Paul and I teach this extensively in our programs and events.

Let’s start with one key strategy. Understanding what feminine energy really is and what it is not.

Feminine energy has nothing to do with your hair, your makeup, or how you look. And feminine energy has nothing to do with weakness—mama, you know womanhood means strength!

Feminine energy istwo things—an open energy and a willingness to be vulnerable.

So check in with yourself. On a day-to-day basis, how open do you feel on a scale from zero to ten?

Think of zero as being closed, tight, controlling, pushing, driving, or protected. Ten is being truly open, weapons down, walls down, and vulnerable. Where do you tend to gravitate on this spectrum on a day-to-day basis?

Realigning with your authentic feminine energy happens on a spectrum. And it does not happen overnight! But you absolutely can realign to your authentic core and reignite the passion in your relationship and in your life.

Date your spouse

Yes, even with everything youhave going on, you must make dating your husband a priority in your life.

Schedule it. Get a sitter. Make a plan. And go on a date!

Getting out of thehouse is not the same thing as going on a date. Here are two guidelines to kick off a legit date night.

—If you look like you might be dressed for a night with the kiddos, go back upstairs and change, girl! Come downstairs when you look like you are ready for a romantic evening with your partner—and only your partner.

—My husband and I have a dating conversation rule: “No kids, no biz, no house!” That means talk about the kids, business, or the house is off limits on a date!

Before you flip out, there are other things to talk about—you may just need a quick refresher! One product we love is TableTopics for Couples for cards with questions to start meaningful conversations with your partner. On your way out of the house, slip a few of these cards in your purse (not your big mama bag, your date purse!).

And now for the bonus strategy...

When you go out on a date withyour partner, give yourself the gift of being yourself for the night! Take a night off from being mom and be your husband’s wife! You deserve it!


If you want to realign with your core energy, bring the fun and flirting back, and experience red hot passion in your relationship, visit us at RelationshipDevelopment.org and check out our free eBook “It Does NOT Take Two to Tango; How One Partner Can Transform ANY Relationship in 8 Simple Steps.”

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    These challenges from Nike PLAYlist are exactly what my child needs to stay active

    Plus a fall family bucket list to keep everyone moving all season long.

    While it's hard to name anything that the pandemic hasn't affected, one thing that is constantly on my mind is how to keep my family active despite spending more time indoors. Normally, this time of year would be spent at dance and gymnastics lessons, meeting up with friends for games and field trips, and long afternoon playdates where we can all let off a little steam. Instead, we find ourselves inside more often than ever before—and facing down a long winter of a lot more of the same.

    I started to search for an outlet that would get my girls moving safely while we social distance, but at first I didn't find a lot of solutions. Online videos either weren't terribly engaging for my active kids, or the messaging wasn't as positive around the power of movement as I would like. Then I found the Nike PLAYlist.

    I always knew that Nike could get me moving, but I was so impressed to discover this simple resource for parents. PLAYlist is an episodic sports show on YouTube that's made for kids and designed to teach them the power of expressing themselves through movement. The enthusiastic kid hosts immediately captured my daughter's attention, and I love how the physical activity is organically incorporated in fun activities without ever being specifically called out as anything other than play. For example, this segment where the kids turn yoga into a game of Paper Scissors Rock? Totally genius. The challenges from #TheReplays even get my husband and me moving more when our daughter turns it into a friendly family competition. (Plus, I love the play-inspired sportswear made just for kids!)

    My daughter loves the simple Shake Ups at the beginning of the episode and is usually hopping off the couch to jump, dance and play within seconds. One of her favorites is this Sock Flinger Shake Up activity from the Nike PLAYlist that's easy for me to get in on too. Even after we've put away the tablet, the show inspires her to create her own challenges throughout the day.

    The best part? The episodes are all under 5 minutes, so they're easy to sprinkle throughout the day whenever we need to work out some wiggles (without adding a lot of screen time to our schedule).

    Whether you're looking for simple alternatives to P.E. and sports or simply need fun ways to help your child burn off energy after a day of socially distanced school, Nike's PLAYlist is a fun, kid-friendly way to get everyone moving.

    Need more movement inspiration for fall? Here are 5 ways my family is getting up and getting active this season:

    1. Go apple picking.

    Truly, it doesn't really feel like fall until we've picked our first apple. (Or had our first bite of apple cider donut!) Need to burn off that extra cinnamon-sugar energy? Declare a quick relay race up the orchard aisle—winner gets first to pick of apples at home.

    To wear: These Printed Training Tights are perfect for when even a casual walk turns into a race (and they help my daughter scurry up a branch for the big apples).

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    To wear: Suit up your little one in comfort with this Baby Full Zip Coverall so you're ready for whatever adventures the day brings.

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    Scavenger hunts are one of my favorite ways to keep my daughter preoccupied all year long. We love to get outside and search for acorns, leaves and pinecones as part of our homeschool, but it's also just a great way to get her exercising those gross motor skills whenever the wiggles start to build up.

    To wear: It's not truly fall until you break out a hoodie. This cozy Therma Elite Kids Hoodie features a mesh overlay to release heat while your child plays.

    4. Have a touch-football game.

    Tip for parents with very little kids: It doesn't have to last as long as a real football game. 😂 In fact, staging our own mini-games is one of our favorite ways to get everyone up and moving in between quarters during Sunday football, and I promise we all sleep better that night.

    To wear: From impromptu games of tag to running through our favorite trails, these kids' Nike Air Zoom Speed running shoes are made to cover ground all season long.

    5. Create an indoor obstacle course.

    Pretending the floor is lava was just the beginning. See how elaborate your personal course can get, from jumping on the couch to rolling under the coffee table to hopping down the hallway on one foot.

    To wear: These ready-for-any-activity Dri-FIT Tempo Shorts are perfect for crawling, hopping and racing—and cuddling up when it's time to rest.

    This article was sponsored by Nike. Thank you for supporting the brands that supporting Motherly and mamas.

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