Ashley Graham shares harrowing details of her traumatic home birth with the twins

Back in February, Ashley Graham revealed she had given birth to her twin boys, Malachi and Roman, who joined big brother Isaac, 2. Three months later, she’s opening up about the trauma surrounding the birth of her twins, whom she delivered at home.

In an essay for Glamour, Graham says she labored quickly and delivered both boys in under four hours. But as she and her midwife, doula, and family were celebrating, things took a sharp turn.

“The next thing you know, I looked at my midwife and I said, ‘I don’t feel good. I think I need to lay down,’ and I blacked out,” she writes. “All I can remember is feeling a light touch on my cheek, which I found out later was actually somebody smacking the crap out of my cheek, someone holding my hand, my husband Justin in my ear, praying, and someone jabbing me with a needle in my arm. And I remember seeing darkness and what seemed like stars.”

When she finally regained consciousness, she said everyone around her kept telling her she was “fine” to quell her fears. But she’d lost liters of blood—and by her own account, things were dire.

Related: Ashley Graham posts the first photo of her newborn twins—and it’s jaw-dropping

“They didn’t want to tell me that one of the midwives had to flip me over, press her finger down right above my vagina bone to try and stop the bleeding,” she writes. “And they didn’t want to tell me that the vein in my arm kept collapsing and they couldn’t get the needle in for the Pitocin, so they’d had to put it in my hand. But even though they didn’t want to go into the details at that moment, I looked around the room, saw blood literally everywhere, and let out this deep, visceral cry—an emotional release from the chaos I had just experienced.”

She says she couldn’t stand up, walk, sit up, or even crawl to her bed. Her midwives had to roll her onto a sheet and slide her down the hall into her guest room. The twins were okay, but Graham says she couldn’t “walk for a week.”

In the essay, she doesn’t mention seeking medical attention at a hospital. She says that the whole experience caused her to stay in her apartment for two months without leaving.

“My midwives checked in on me every day. I think they thought I was going to be triggered by how severe the events had been, but I kept telling them, ‘You all saved me. God saved me. This is a true miracle,'” she writes. “It was a period of time filled with the joy of being with my husband and my three sons, the rhythm of our new life, learning and laughter, acceptance and recovery.”

Shannon M. Clark, MD,MMS,FACOG, a double-board certified professor in ObGyn and Maternal-Fetal Medicine, who is also a mother of twins, talked about Graham’s essay on Instagram. She says Graham’s home birth (as she describes it) is not acceptable for a home birth or a hospital birth.

“With the state of maternal care in this country, this is a huge missed opportunity to bring awareness to maternal mortality, severe maternal morbidity and health disparities,” she says. “As well as who is a good candidate for a home birth and what resources are available for the average person having a home birth in the same scenario as she was in.”

Related: We demand paid family and medical leave in America

In her essay, Graham says she has been taking a longer maternity leave than “usual,” and acknowledged her privilege in being able to do so.

“I’m privileged to have a job and an income that sustains me, and brands that were willing to wait until I felt capable of returning, when so many millions of women across the U.S. don’t have access to paid leave, or protections from their employer beyond a short time frame.”

Hopefully, she’s been able to get the rest and recovery she needs after suffering that kind of birth trauma. If you’re considering a home birth or have questions related to this essay, please consult with your medical practitioner for advice. The American College of Gynecology and Obstetrics outlines their opinion on a planned home birth here.

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