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I wrote detailed New Year’s resolutions for years, spending the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve detailing every possible change I would make. I had specific categories with my resolutions related to each listed underneath. The point was to keep my mind focused all year long on what I hoped to accomplish, whether it was learning a new language or exercising a certain amount of time a week.


The problem was I couldn’t keep my resolutions. I put a ton of effort into placing words on paper only to not accomplish them year after year.

According to researchers, the reasons we fail to keep New Year’s resolutions are many. We set unrealistic goals. We set goals that we’re not actually ready to keep, hoping that the magic of making them will overcome our lack of effort. We also make too many resolutions. Change is hard, and even focusing on one major life change a year is difficult. Expecting to change in many different areas in one year is unrealistic for most of us.

There’s also the disadvantage of jumping off from a negative point. We make resolutions because of what we’re not. We’re not in shape, so we resolve to work out. We’re not financially responsible, so we resolve to budget. Every resolution we make is a reminder of where we’ve already failed.

Even when resolutions don’t fail, which is rare because 78 percent of people were found to bail on their resolutions in one study, resolutions require a focus that may not be healthy. A person who wants to lose weight may go to dangerous extremes to do it because they’ve lost the ability to view the entire picture. Keeping this one resolution is all they see, and they can’t comprehend that what they are doing to reach the goal is not worth it.

Resolutions narrow our focus instead of broadening it to encompass an overall fulfilling life.

A new approach

Frustrated with the time I was wasting on resolutions, I decided to change my approach a couple of years ago. Instead of a never-ending list of well-intentioned resolutions, I chose to pick a focus word. For 2016 I chose “gratitude,” and for 2017 I chose “simple.” There were no long lists or constant failures piling up. One word encompassed my plans for the year in every area of my life.

The well-roundedness of the one-word approach was the greatest appeal for me. Focus words don’t leave me neglecting quality time with my family while I run on a treadmill for hours trying to lose weight. They don’t require me to neglect certain portions of my life to excel in others. A focus word offers balance.

Focus words are also easy to remember. In 2017, every day when faced with a decision, I grasped the word simple. This practice had profound effects. We chose simple food, simple budget approaches, simple pleasures. I discovered minimalism and hygge, giving me other ways to embrace simplicity. What would not have been simple was writing down a list of resolutions of how to achieve simplicity and then forgetting them, complicating my life even further.

Focus words make room for progress, not just performance. When we don’t write that novel by a certain date or lose those pounds by a certain time, we feel lost. However, when we embrace a focus word, the entire year is about progress. It’s not a one-time commitment but a focus on everyday life changes that stick.

I know I have to get up every morning and think about my focus word to set the agenda for the day, and there is no end to it. Unlike resolutions, focus words fold into life, seamlessly offering us development instead of just results, or in most cases, no results.

Finding inspiration

How do we figure out one word to help navigate an entire year? It’s a big responsibility and the task can feel daunting. Luckily, there are tools to help.

My One Word offers three easy steps to choose a word for the upcoming year. The approach is positive, with the first step asking us to think of the kind of person we want to be. We need to search beyond the base ideas of what we want to do, such as make more money or finish a degree, and think of who we actually want to be.

We then choose words to describe this kind of person. What characteristics do they have? Disciplined? Kind? Joyful? From that list of characteristics, pick the word that encompasses that person and make it your focus word.

I loved my word for 2017. It’s not an exaggeration to say that focusing on simple has changed my life. Now that I understand how to achieve simplicity, I am ready to become the kind of person who stays dedicated to the causes I’ve found to fit into my simple existence. I want to be a follow-through person, committed to what I choose and not too overextended to show up for my life.

My 2017 word not only helped me fulfill many goals, but it also led me to my focus word for next year. Instead of making the same resolutions all over again because I didn’t keep them this year, I’m moving on and spending 2018 focused on perseverance. It feels like a natural progression, and progress is what we’re supposed to achieve in life. The do-or-die perfection demanded from resolutions isn’t realistic, but the natural progress a focus words offers is possible for anyone.

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It's a girl for Chanel Iman!

Iman and her husband, New York Giants football player Sterling Shepard, welcomed their daughter into the world on August 10 and called her Cali Clay Shepard. "You were worth every push [and] every contraction," the proud mama captioned an Instagram photo of the happy family.

The popularity of the name Cali has declined since the name peaked in 2014, when it was ranked 201 on the Social Security Administration's list of the most popular baby names. It's since fallen to 288. (The alternative spelling made popular by a character on Grey's Anatomy, Callie, ranks higher, at 188, but also peaked in 2014).

The popularity of her name may be waning, but little Cali herself is already very popular online. She's four days old and her Instagram account already has 7,600 followers.

It makes sense that Cali is already active on Instagram (well, her parents are active on her account) as her mama announced her pregnancy on the platform back on Mother's Day.

Congrats to Iman and Shepard on baby Cali's arrival! We can't wait to see more beautiful baby pictures on Instagram. 🎉

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In the moments after we give birth, we desperately want to hear our baby cry. In the middle of the night a few months later it's no longer exactly music to our ears, but those cries aren't just telling us that baby needs a night feeding: They're also giving us a hint at what our children may sound like as kindergarteners, and adults.

New research published in the journal Biology Letters suggests the pitch of a 4-month-old's cry predicts the pitch they'll use to ask for more cookies at age five and maybe even later on as adults.

The study saw 2 to 5-month olds recorded while crying. Five years later, the researchers hit record again and chatted with the now speaking children. Their findings, combined with previous work on the subject, suggest it's possible to figure out what a baby's voice will sound like later in life, and that the pitch of our adult voices may be traceable back to the time we spend in utero. Further studies are needed, but scientists are very interested in how factors before birth can impact decades later.

"In utero, you have a lot of different things that can alter and impact your life — not only as a baby, but also at an adult stage," one of the authors of the study, Nicolas Mathevon, told the New York Times.

The New York Times also spoke with Carolyn Hodges, an assistant professor of anthropology at Boston University who was not involved in the study. According to Hodges, while voice pitch may not seem like a big deal, it impacts how we perceive people in very real ways.

Voice pitch is a factor in how attractive we think people are, how trustworthy. But why we find certain pitches more or less appealing isn't known. "There aren't many studies that address these questions, so that makes this research especially intriguing," Hodges said, adding that it "suggests that individual differences in voice pitch may have their origins very, very early in development."

So the pitch of that midnight cry may have been determined months ago, and it may determine part of your child's future, too. There are still so many things we don't know, but as parents we do know one thing: Our babies cries (as much as we don't want to hear them all the time) really are something special.

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Most moms claim to be wine's biggest fan but often admit to knowing little about what's what (or even how to buy wine they like). And while you don't have to be a sommelier to buy a great bottle of vino, having a few wine smarts in your back pocket can mean the difference between a substandard cork pop and the perfect sip.

That's why we partnered with the wine pros at Winc, a subscription service that creates and curates wine from all over the world, to develop this simple primer that will help you identify the flavors you like best—and get them delivered to your doorstep.

Where to start

The simplest place to begin is between red and white.

In general, most people have an idea if they prefer one or the other, which is why Winc lets their members start the selection process with that simple question. Red wines tend to be more full-bodied, higher in tannins (more on those later), and are typically served at room temperature or slightly chilled. Whites are often lighter, crisper, and are typically served chilled.

But the great thing about the wine world is that there are always exceptions to the rule, which is why Winc refines monthly suggestions based on user feedback. "If you enjoy the wine and want to understand why, go on our site and look at how earthy it was, where it's hitting on the flavor scale to help you learn more about your palate," says Brooke Matthias, Winc's Director of Product.

Light vs. Full-bodied

Remember those tannins we mentioned? They're a naturally occuring compound in grape skins, seeds, and stems that give wine a more dominant, heavy flavor. (Think about steeping a tea bag for too long. That bitterness? That's essentially the same effect tannins have.)

While some people dislike the drying sensation tannins cause when drinking wine, they also help create wine that marries well with food because the wine won't disappear on your palate after eating something meaty or fatty.

If you're looking for something lighter, reach for a wine with a higher acid content. Acidity can be compared to tartness (think of biting into a lemon wedge) and typically produces the same "puckering" response of drinking something slightly sour, like lemonade. In wine, it tends to give your pour a crisp, clean sip without a lot of aftertaste or heaviness on the tongue.

Sweet vs. Dry

Many newbie wine drinkers often prefer something with a sweeter taste until they've had a chance to diversify their palate, but sweetness in wine isn't the same as sweetness in dessert.

"There's a difference between residual sugar and something that has a higher fruit concentration," Matthias says. "A lot of people think their wine is sweet, but it's actually fruity. And just because it's high in fruit flavor doesn't mean there's residual sugar content in the wine."

Sweet-tasting wines often taste strongest on the front of the tongue (where the majority of sweet-sensing taste buds occur). Drier wines can be either higher in tannins (for a more bitter flavor) or higher in acidity and tend to have less fruit concentration.

If at first you don’t succeed…

Of course, the best part of figuring out which wines you prefer is experimentation! That's where Winc comes in.

When members first sign up, they take a flavor quiz to determine their current taste preferences. From there, Winc puts together a customized box of four wines based on your preferences—and delivered right to your doorstep. (Note: Someone 21 years or older must be present to sign for the box.)

With each monthly delivery, you can look up your wines to learn more about what you like about them (are they earthy? fruity? full-bodied?) and rate what you like best. Those ratings help Winc's experts to carefully select your future deliveries to cater to your specific palate.

Prefer to take charge of your own destiny? Winc also lets you sub in bottles of your choice (the perfect opportunity to try the wine with the cool label or the funky-sounding name).

With each delivery, you get a more and more personalized experience targeted to your own taste buds—and learn more about what makes your perfect pour. Now that's something we can raise a glass to.

And just for Motherly, enjoy two complimentary bottles (a $26 value) when you order from Winc. Happy shopping, mama!


Currently, Winc does not ship to Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Delaware, Hawaii, Kentucky, Michigan, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Dakota and Utah.

This article is sponsored by Winc. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.


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In many ways, having a baby in Alaska is much the same as in Alabama: All babies need food, love and care. And all parents are responsible for navigating the life transition. But the expense associated with welcoming a baby? That sure does vary widely based on where in the United States the baby is born.

After assessing 26 key metrics—including infant care costs, child care centers per capita, delivery charges and more—data analysts from WalletHub determined Vermont is the most ideal state to welcome a baby in 2018.

On the other end of the spectrum, parents in Mississippi were disadvantaged by the state's higher infant-mortality rates and lower distribution of midwives or OB-GYNs per capita. (Although folks in southern states generally saved the most on average infant-care costs.)

"If local authorities want to attract families in their area—and for a host of societal reasons, it would behoove them—they should continue to strive for greater public safety and more family-friendly environments," Jeff Wallace, a business advisor and assistant professor at Snow College, tells WalletHub.

To make the rankings as credible as possible, the experts at WalletHub divided the 26 measures into four categories: cost, health care, baby-friendliness and family-friendliness. Then each metric was graded on a 100-point scale, with a score of 100 representing favorable conditions, such as low costs or better delivery outcomes.

While the list is focused on the best places to have a baby, experts who weighed in on the findings said there are much longer-term implications. "Children are more likely to be successful when they grow up in communities that feel safe, have families that are connected to each other, and offer support services if the family needs them," says Steven Meyers, Ph.D., Director of Undergraduate Psychology Programs and Initiative for Child and Family Studies at Roosevelt University. "Local authorities can establish these as priorities when they decide how to allocate resources."

Here are the 10 states we should look to for examples:

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