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We need to talk about this unexpected condition women deal with after giving birth

In partnership with our friends at Yarlap

We need to talk about urinary incontinence—a.k.a. peeing when you don't mean to, usually in your pants, often when you jump. Or laugh. Or sneeze. Sigh.

Because here's the deal—it's happening to almost 50% of women—and every single one of those women wants desperately for it to stop.

Let's take a quick look at why it happens.

The pelvic floor is made of a series of muscles, ligaments and tissues that support the organs in your pelvis—your uterus and bladder—as well as your vagina and anus. A number of factors can cause those muscles to become weaker, pregnancy and birth being the primary culprits. But other factors such as genetics, nerve damage or low muscle tone can contribute as well.

As doctor and professor, Linda Brubaker wrote, "No clear single event has been found to be responsible, suggesting that postpartum urinary incontinence arises from a multifactorial physiological insult."

Physiological insult indeed—there is nothing more insulting than stifling a laugh because you're afraid that you are going to pee in your pants if you laugh too hard. And quite frankly, it's insulting that the rates of untreated urinary incontinence are as high as they are. But unfortunately due to the stigma and embarrassment factor, we just don't talk about incontinence enough—and therefore, we are suffering.

We have all been there (even the midwife among us, ahem 🙋):

We're sitting on the exam-table with its cold, worn-out leather unpleasantly sticking to our thighs, stir-ups looming in front of us, while we wear a gown made out of paper towels, and await our friendly but overly-busy and therefore rushed doctor or midwife to come into the room to do our postpartum visit.

They do a quick pelvic exam, tell us "everything looks great, any questions?" But instead of asking the questions that are really bugging us, we just smile say, "I'm good!"

Because I think somewhere along the way we got the idea that this is just how it is: Lady has baby. Lady can't hold her urine anymore. Lady wears pads or diapers for the rest of her life. Then end.

(And as a not-so-side side-note, 25-50% of women who have incontinence also find that their sex lives are negatively impacted, either because they lose the desire to have sex, have difficulty having an orgasm, or because sex hurts.)

Well you know what? No!

Urinary incontinence may not be a life-threatening condition, but it is for sure a life-altering one that can have a profound impact on a woman's quality of life.

Translation: We need to do something about this.

I have spent many hours of my career teaching women how to do Kegels, an exercise meant to strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor in order to decrease or stop incontinence, and to improve sexual functioning. Kegels work—when done properly. But that's an issue in and of itself.

Kassandra Dekoning

This is how I, a seasoned midwife, explain Kegels to someone:

"You know when you have to pee really bad but you can't find a bathroom so you have to sort of clench your vagina so you don't pee? That's a Kegel."

Now I am a good midwife, but quite honestly, that explanation stinks. Because how do you really explain a Kegel using words? In fact even women who get really detailed descriptions of how to do Kegels report not understanding, or simply not doing them because it was too confusing, or they forgot, or they got frustrated, or all of the above.

Enter Yarlap… literally.

Yarlap is an AutoKegel® device that provides women an effective, gentle and easy Kegel workout—automatically. (This takes the term set it and forget it to a whole new level.) It is FDA cleared, evidence based, and most important, it works.

Here's how:

You insert a small probe inside your vagina—it's about the size of your thumb. You'll pick the program that's right for you on the control (which fits in your palm)… and that's it. Seriously. Yarlap takes the guessing game out of doing Kegels because it sends little impulses to your vaginal and surrounding muscles that tone and strengthen them.

It takes about 20 minutes, and they recommend you do it three to five times per week. It's really discreet so multitasking is definitely an option—Kegel and video conference ✔️. Kegel and laundry ✔️. Kegel and Netflix ✔️.

You know that at Motherly we don't ever recommend something unless we've tried it ourselves—so I'll just go ahead and say trust me.

It doesn't hurt to use at all—trust me.

And it works—trust me.

Your can order your Yarlap through your healthcare provider OR you can order it totally on your own here (psst: use code MOTHERLY for $25 off!).

And remember that not-so-side side note about sex? Research has found that women who use a transelectical stimulation device (like Yarlap) to treat urinary incontinence overwhelmingly reported a "remarkable improvement in their sexual life." They experienced less pain with sex, more desire to have sex, and enjoyed sex more while having it.

Translation: Get it girl.

Here's the thing.

We've spent our lives living in a society that quietly yet steadfastly engrains in us the notion that we are less than—that women's health issues are not at the forefront, even when they are consuming our time, resources and emotional energy.

I think we are the generation that changes that.

Am I getting all fired up and impassioned about urinary incontinence? Yes, as a matter of fact I am.

Because ultimately it's about more than being able to do jumping jacks again (although hey, that would be nice). It's about feeling comfortable with and in our bodies, having the support and tools to take our health into our own hands, and feeling empowered to focus our attention on the pieces of our lives that we love.

And also trampolines. Because remember how much fun trampolines are?

Yarlap® with AutoKegel® Technology provides women a gentle and effective Kegel workout. With six clinically proven programs, Yarlap® tones your pelvic floor muscles effortlessly. Yarlap® provides you with the control you deserve.

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One of the hardest areas to declutter can be your children's toy closet. Does that beeping, singing firetruck spark joy for you? Well no, in fact, it might be the most frustrating toy, but then again, having an occupied, entertained child sparks more joy than all of your household items combined.

So do more toys really mean a more engaged child? Studies say no. Having fewer toys leads to a more ordered home and encourages your child to develop creativity, concentration and a sense of responsibility for taking care of their belongings. But how do you go about reducing the number of toys your child has when there are so many "must haves" on the market? Perhaps more importantly, how do you ensure you don't bring any more toys that will be quickly forgotten into your home?

The secret: Look for toys that are open-ended, toys that will last for years, toys that encourage creativity, and toys that benefit development.

Here are some of our favorite Montessori-inspired toys.

Open-ended construction

Toys that are open-ended, rather than have just one use, empower your child to be an active participant in their own play. An example of an open-ended toy is a set of blocks, while a more limited use toy might be a talking toy robot. Blocks are only fun if your child applies their own creative thinking skills to make them fun, while the robot is a much more passive type of entertainment.

Open-ended toys also tend to keep children's interest for much longer, as they grow with your child—as their skills develop, they can build increasingly complex structures and scenarios.

There are so many beautiful sets of blocks available, but here are a few good choices.

1. Wooden Blocks

2. Duplo Lego

3. Magnatiles

Pretend play

Beginning in early toddlerhood, many children begin to incorporate pretend play into their repertoire. They do this all on their own, without the aid of toys, turning mud into pies and sticks into hammers.

Still, these toys will encourage their budding imaginations and also allow them to process things they experience in their own lives through role-playing and pretend play.

4. Doll

5. Farm

6. People figures

7. Train set


Music provides a great deal of joy to most children, and can also aid in brain development.

Providing regular opportunities for your young child to both create and listen to music will encourage him to develop an appreciation for music, an understanding of rhythm, and an outlet for creative expression.

8. Musical instrument set

9. Simple music player with headphones


Giving young children opportunities for movement is so important, both for their gross motor development and for giving them a daily outlet for their boundless energy. Children who spend plenty of time running around generally sleep better and are often better able to concentrate on quieter activities like reading.

Encouraging plenty of unstructured time outside is the best way to ensure your child gets enough daily movement. These toys though can help your child develop muscle coordination and strength, while also providing plenty of fun.

10. Balance bike

11. Pedal bike

12. Climbing structure

13. Wagon

14. Balls


Puzzles are wonderful toys for helping children develop spatial understanding, problem-solving skills, resilience and new vocabulary. Bonus, they also provide a quiet activity that can engage even young children for an extended period of time!

15. Peg puzzles

16. Jigsawpuzzles

17. Layered puzzles


Games encourage your child to develop social skills such as taking turns and winning and losing gracefully.

Many games for young children also have educational benefits such as building memory or practicing counting.

18. Memory game

19. Bingo

20. Simple board game

Taking the plunge and reducing your children's toy collection can be scary. If you're uncertain whether your child will miss a certain toy, try putting it away in a closet for a month to see if they notice. Take some time to observe your child with their reduced toy collection and notice how their play changes.

Once you commit to fewer toys, you'll find you can truly be intentional with what you provide your child and can also choose higher quality toys when you're only purchasing a few. There will also be far fewer little objects strewn around the house to trip over, which is a huge bonus!

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For so many parents, finding and funding childcare is a constant struggle. How would your life change if you didn't have to worry about finding and paying for quality childcare? Would you go back to work? Work more hours? Or just take the four figures you'd save each month and pay off your student loans faster?

These hypothetical scenarios have been playing in the minds of many American parents this week as presidential hopeful Senator Elizabeth Warren unveiled her plan for free or affordable "high-quality child care and early education for every child in America."

Universal childcare will be a cornerstone of Warren's campaign for 2020. It's a lofty goal, and one many parents can get behind, but is it doable?

Supporters note it's been done in other countries for decades. In Finland, for example, every child has had access to free universal day care since the early 1990s. Sweden, too, has been building its universal childcare system for decades.

Critics of Warren's plan worry about the price tag and potential for ballooning bureaucracy, and some are concerned that subsidizing childcare could actually make it more expensive for those who have a government-funded spot, as it could result in fewer private childcare providers.

But subsidized childcare had lowered prices in other places. In Sweden, parents pay less than $140 USD to send children to preschool. In Finland, the cost per child varies by municipality, household income and family size. A parent on the lower end of the income spectrum might pay as little as the equivalent of $30 USD, and the maximum fee is about $330 a month.

But Finland's population is on par with Minnesota's. Sweden is comparable to Michigan.

So could the Nordic model scale to serve the hundreds of millions of families in America?

As Eeva Penttila, speaking as the head of international relations for Helsinki, Finland's education department once told The Globe and Mail, "you can't take one element out and transfer it to your own country. Education is the result of culture, history and the society of a nation."

Right now America spends less on early childhood education than most other developed countries (only Turkey, Latvia, and Croatia spend less), but that wasn't always the case. This nation does have a history of investing in childcare, if we look back far enough.

Back in World War II, when women needed to step into the workforce as men fought overseas, America invested in a network of childcare to the tune of $1 billion (adjusted to today's money) and served hundreds of thousands of families in almost every state through center-based care. Parents paid between $0.50 and $0.75 per child per day (the equivalent of about $10 in today's money).

So America does have a historical and cultural precedent, not to mention a current model of universal preschool that is working, right now, in the nation's capital. In D.C. In Washington, D.C., 90% of 4-year-olds attend a full-day preschool program for free, according to the Center for American Progress. Seventy percent of 3-year-old are going too, and the program has increased the city's maternal workforce participation rate by more than 10%.

It won't happen overnight

While some American parents might be daydreaming of a life without a four-figure day care bill in 2020, the road to true universal childcare for all children in America would be a long one. Peter Moss, a researcher at the University of London's Institute of Education, previously told The Globe and Mail it took Sweden "many years to get it right."

Indeed, the 1990s saw long wait lists at Swedish day cares, but the growing pains of the '90s paved the way for the enviable system Swedes enjoy today.

According to Moss, governments in other countries look at the Nordic model and "tend to say, 'We can't do that.' But what they really mean is 'We can't suddenly do that.' In other countries, they just don't get to grips with what needs doing and actually plot a course."

Maybe America's starting point is found in its history books, or in the modern day preschools of the nation's capital, or in the conversations happening between now and 2020. It doesn't have to be Warren's plan, but America does need a plan for safer, more affordable childcare.

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It's so unfortunate that in the working world there are still those who believe mothers are more distracted and less productive than people without children.

Research proves that just isn't true—working moms are actually more engaged than working dads and fathers and equally committed—and plenty of working mothers will say that parenthood has actually made them more productive.

Ayesha Curry counts herself among those moms who become more efficient at work after becoming parents. The entrepreneurial mom of three seems unstoppable when it comes to expanding her career, which she launched as a lifestyle blog back when the oldest of her three children was still a baby.

"You don't realize how much you can get done in a day until you become a parent and you're like, 'what was I doing with my time before'?" she recently old Cheddar's Nora Ali.

Now less than seven years later she's built her own empire as a mom, not in spite of being one.

Now a New York Times best-selling cookbook author and restaurateur, Curry has also got her own brand, Homemade, and you can find her products bearing her name in places like Target and JC Penny. She's been promoting a partnership with GoDaddy and she's an ambassador for the Honest Company, too.

Curry says motherhood taught her how to multitask and manage her time.

"I have three children, so I've had to grow four invisible arms," she explains. "I've definitely learned efficiency through being a parent. It's helped me in my business tenfold."

As a celebrity, Curry's life experience is kind of unique, but her experience of becoming better at work because of motherhood isn't, according to experts.

Career coach Eileen Chadnick previously told Motherly that motherhood is an asset in the workplace, in part because it trains women to be both empathetic and assertive at the same time, a combo that makes for great leaders. "There are incredibly nice, compassionate women who are very strong and know how to take a stand," Chadmick said. "And they're trusted and admired by others even if they need to say 'no' to their employees."

That's something Curry agrees with. Because it's her name on that frying pan, cookbook or bedspread, she doesn't shy away from saying 'no' when she doesn't like something. "I'm really good about being forceful and putting my foot down," she explains.

It's easier to put your foot down when you've already grown four invisible arms. That's the balancing act of motherhood, and it's what makes this mama so good at business.

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It may seem like there are more recalls than ever these days, but that's actually a good thing for parents. It means fewer potentially dangerous products are making it to our dinner tables and medicine cabinets.

According to food safety experts, the spike in recall notices for everything from broccoli to baby toys in recent years suggests companies are doing a better job of self-reporting, and we're actually safer than we were in the days when recalls were rare.

"It reflects a food industry that takes contamination and foodborne illnesses seriously. Increasingly companies are willing to recall their products rather than expose customers to potential harm," Dr. William Hallman, professor and chair of Rutgers Department of Human Ecology, said in an interview with Food Drive."So more companies are taking a cautionary approach."

Here are the recalls parents need to know about this month:

Dollar General Baby Gripe Water

The FDA issued a recall notice for "DC Baby Gripe Water herbal supplement with organic ginger and fennel extracts" after the company received one report of a one-week old baby who had difficulty swallowing the product, and there were three other complaints "attributed to the undissolved citrus flavonoid."

The FDA says "the product should not be considered hazardous but could result in difficulty when swallowing the product for sensitive individuals."

Basically, it's not harmful if swallowed but the undissolved flavonoid makes it a choking hazard.

The gripe water was sold at Dollar General stores in four ounce bottles with the UPC code 8 5495400246 3.

Nature's Path Envirokidz gluten free cereals

If you've got a kiddo with celiac disease you're probably familiar with the EnviroKidz kine of gluten free cereals sold at Trader Joe's and other grocery stores. Unfortunately, Nature's Path, the maker of the cereals, is recalling more than 400,000 boxes of Envirokidz cereals in the U.S. and Canada due to potential gluten contamination.

Choco Chimp, Gorilla Munch and Jungle Munch are all impacted. The best before dates are: 08/01/2019, 08/24/2019, 08/27/2019, and 09/21/2019. The UPC codes are: 0 58449 86002 0, 0 5844987023 4, 0 5844987027 2, 0 5844987024 1 and 0 5844987028 9.

If you can handle gluten they are safe, but Nature's Path says "people who have a wheat allergy, celiac disease or sensitivity to gluten and wheat should not consume the cereals."

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