I've dreamed of meeting you for so long that the thought of finally gazing into your sweet face and cradling your tiny body in my arms just a few short months from now is incredibly surreal. In that moment, I know my life will never be the same again.
Twelve years ago, when I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with your daddy, you were just the faintest glimmer of hope.
He and I have supported each other through every significant life stage: graduating from college, losing loved ones, building our careers, celebrating our wedding, and traveling the world. (We went on some amazing adventures together, but something tells me, this is our greatest adventure yet.)
I realize now that each of the incredible highs and devastating lows along this journey has helped prepare us for our ultimate purpose: Becoming your parents.
Eventually, the head-over-heels newlywed stage was replaced with something quieter and far more profound. We fell even deeper in love. With all the countless little everyday moments between us, our vision of you came further and further into focus, with astounding clarity.
When your father and I cooked a meal together while dancing around the kitchen listening to country music, I could imagine you crooning along with us in your highchair.
When I was having a miserable day at work and would find sweet, encouraging notes that he had hidden for me in my bag, I could envision him tucking a similar scrap of paper into your lunchbox, letting you know what a great job you were doing at school.
When your dad awakened me with a kiss on my forehead and indulged my request to stay in bed "just a little longer" even though we had a million things to do, I could picture the exact spot on his chest where you would nestle your sweet-smelling head up against us. (And eventually, when you’re older, you'll come crashing into our room and leap on top of us in a giggling heap.)
When we got that positive test and discovered that our secret wish had been granted, tears welled up in both of our eyes, and we held each other for a very long time. Afterwards, we went to our favorite breakfast place and had blueberry pancakes in honor of you, our little blueberry. We wanted to shout the news from the rooftops. Waiting to tell everyone was the hardest part.
We eventually made your announcement with a miniature onesie declaring your due date, and I thought your grandma was going to pass out, she was so overcome with emotion. We could never have anticipated how you would touch the lives around us before being born.
With each passing week, as you develop and grow, so does my insatiable curiosity about the miracle I am carrying. Every small piece of information offers a clue to a bigger riddle that's begging to be solved.
The way you smiled, sucked your thumb and waved your tiny hands around in quick succession on the flickering black and white screen during the anatomy scan showed that you might have a flair for the dramatic, like your mama.
If cravings are any indication, then you might have a major sweet tooth like your dad.
Your father and I don't want to find out your gender until your arrival because boy or girl, it doesn't matter—we're already smitten with you.
I constantly lose myself in thought wondering what you will be like.
Will you be outgoing or introverted?
Will you be witty or sensitive?
Will you be creative or analytical?
Will you have my lips or your dad's nose?
Will your eyes be hazel like your parents’ or blue like your grandfather and other relatives?
Will you want to play sports or prefer performing arts and reading or math?
Will you be a doctor, teacher, developer, entrepreneur, or some other profession that hasn't even been invented yet?
I look forward to learning the answers to all of those questions and more, discovering the person who you are meant to become.
As my first child, I know that becoming the best possible mama for you will be a gradual process so I might not always know exactly the right thing to say or do, but we will learn together along the way.
I promise to help guide you and give you the tools you need to succeed (whatever your definition of happiness might be).
I promise to give you the strength to stand by your convictions and to chase your dreams.
I promise to comfort you and be your refuge, from your first skinned knee to your first real heartbreak.
I promise to instill the values of kindness and hard work through leading by example.
I promise to show you the beauty and magic this life has to offer.
I promise to show you just how loved you are every single day.
You've somehow already brought me more joy than I ever could have imagined possible. With every fiber of my being, I know that you were meant to be my child. Thank you for giving me the privilege of being your mama.
I can’t wait to welcome you to the world, little one.