As new mothers, we are told time and again, in hospital classes and from friends that “breast is best,” even as many of our mothers and grandmothers raise an eyebrow and remind that plenty of kids from our generation were bottle-fed, and “turned out just fine.”

When my grandmother saw my registry, filled with every breastfeeding accessory known to humanity, she remarked that she had six children and her mother had 10, and said that what enabled them to be such happy, attentive mothers was the advent of formula feeding.

There are different ways of looking at the same thing.

At the time, I thought how my poor grandmother just didn’t understand how much better breastfeeding was than formula, and I moved ahead with my plan.


But I have come to be very open-minded on the subject.

Breastfeeding and pumping can be very fulfilling for some women, and it can be very challenging and even painful for some women.

One of my friends could not produce any milk at all, and she faced derision and shame from her family.

Have you ever noticed how passionate women are on one side or the other, at times even proselytizing that you are a failed mother if you don’t approach feeding a certain way?

I once heard a mother berate another mom for not supplementing her breast milk with formula because formula was the “only thing” that would help ensure her baby gained healthy weight.


And I have heard holier-than-thou breastfeeding advocates make moms who admitted to any formula feeding (even as a supplement) feel that they were somehow inferior.


In a 2015 New York Times article entitled “Overselling Breast-Feeding,” Courtney Jung reports some of the changing data in the continuing breastfeeding conversation.

It is worth reading the article closely as it shows that this issue is not black-or-white but more of a gray area than many of us might have realized.

Jung’s article reveals that the studies concluding “breast is best” are funded by breastfeeding accessory companies.

It reveals that recent, thorough medical research published in the Journal of the American Medical Association finds the effects of breastfeeding “modest,” and that a trial conducted by Dr. Michael Kramer studying 14,000 mother-baby pairs over 16 years has indeed found cognitive development benefits, but concluded that breastfeeding “did not reduce the risk of obesity, asthma, allergies, dental cavities, or ADHD.”

The article continues, “Just last month, a British study found that breast-feeding has no effect on I.Q.”

What conclusion may we draw? Breastfeeding has its benefits, not the least of which is the feeling of closeness enjoyed by those who swear by it.

But, it is not a magic elixir the way it is often presented, and it is not the only way to ensure a healthy, thriving baby.

I have come to the realization that every generation has its truths.

Breastfeeding is popular and in style now, but my grandmother and many of her friends considered formula superior when they were young moms.

My grandmother points out that her mother and the generations before were all breastfed, and they had high mortality rates and got sick often.

She was bottle fed and is approaching her 100th birthday, still mentally sharp and healthy.

Breastfeeding can be so rewarding, as mother and baby share the bond of closeness.

At the same time, many bottle feeders proclaim that they enjoy great closeness with their baby since they can just enjoy a warm cuddle and forget about the details of proper latching, pumping and the risk of mastitis.

Breastmilk is an amazing thing, but formula has come a long way, and can be vitamin-packed and healthy.

There are organic versions available, and some is even designed for babies with lactose intolerance or other sensitivities.

Whatever way you fall on the issue, please let’s all have tolerance for the views of other moms.

The fact is, there are emotional and physical benefits to both types of feeding and the studies are evolving and continuing as the conversation continues and new data comes forth.

If a mom wants to breastfeed for a long time, she feels it is best for her and her baby. If a mom pumps and supplements with formula, she feels it is best for her and her baby. If a mom finds breastfeeding painful and difficult and chooses to feed exclusively from a bottle, she feels she is doing what is best for her and her baby.

After all, a baby needs a mama who is not in too much pain, or so plagued by guilt or feelings of unworthiness that she can’t give the one thing we all agree newborns need: loving attention.

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Motherhood is a practice in learning, growing and loving more than you ever thought possible. Even as a "veteran" mama of four young sons and one newly adopted teenager, Jalyssa Richardson enthusiastically adapts to whatever any given day has in store—a skill she says she's refined through the years.

Here's what just one day in her life looks like:

Jalyssa says she learned to embrace agility throughout her motherhood journey. Here's more from this incredible mama of five boys.

What is the most challenging part of your day as a mom of five?

Time management! I want to meet each of the boys' individual needs—plus show up for myself—but I often feel like someone gets overlooked.

What's the best part of being a mom of five?

The little moments of love. The hugs, the kisses, the cuddles, the smiles... they all serve as little reminders that I am blessed and I'm doing okay.

Are there misconceptions about raising boys?

There are so many misconceptions about raising boys. I think the biggest one is that boys don't have many emotions and they're just so active all the time. My boys display many emotions and they also love to be sweet and cuddly a lot of the time.

What do you think would surprise people the most about being a mom of five?

How much I enjoy it. I never knew I wanted to be a mom until I was pregnant with my first. My desire only grew and the numbers did! I am surprised with every single baby as my capacity to love and nurture grows. It's incredible.

How do you create balance and make time for yourself?

Balance for me looks like intentional planning and scheduling because I never want my boys to feel like they aren't my first priority, but it is extremely difficult. What I try to do is not fit it all into one day. I have work days because motherhood is my first priority. I fit in segments of self-care after the kids' bedtime so I don't grow weary.

What's the biggest lesson you have learned from motherhood?

I have learned that sacrifice is actually beautiful. I was terrified of the selflessness motherhood would require, but I've grown so much through the sacrifice. There is nothing better than living for something bigger than myself.

When did you first feel like a mom? How has your motherhood evolved?

I first felt like a mom when I was pregnant with my first son and I intentionally chose to change my eating habits so my body could be strong and healthy for him. I didn't have to think twice—I just did what I thought would be best for him. That decision being so effortless made me realize I was made for motherhood.

My perspective has changed with each baby as I've realized motherhood doesn't have to be one-size-fits-all. With my first son, I was a by-the-book mama and it was so stressful. With each baby, I have felt more freedom and it has made motherhood so much more beautiful. I have evolved into the mother that they need, I am perfect for these boys.

This article was sponsored by Dr. Brown's. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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As mamas we want our babies to be safe, and that's what makes what happened to Glee actress Naya Rivera and her 4-year-old son Josey so heartbreaking. Late Wednesday night news broke that Rivera was missing and presumed drowned after her 4-year-old son, Josey, was found floating alone on a rented boat on Lake Piru in Ventura County, California.

According to the Los Angeles Times, Ventura County Sheriff's Department Capt. Eric Buschow said the mother and her preschooler were swimming near the boat Wednesday afternoon. Josey got back into the rented boat after the swim but his mother did not. The preschooler was later found by other boaters, sleeping alone in the boat. Rescuers were able to figure out who he was because Rivera's wallet and identification were on the boat.


Our hearts are breaking for Josey and his dad right now. So much is unknown about what happened on Lake Piru but one thing is crystal clear: Naya Rivera has always loved her son with all her heart.

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