Menu

Trigger warning: This essay describes a woman’s emotional journey with miscarriage.


“You don’t have to suffer in silence,” said my midwife as the rest of the world around me started to crumble. I didn’t hear much else of what she said clearly—I’m sorry. No baby. D and C. Blighted Ovum. Not your fault. Blood test. One in three women.

The rest of the words swirled around me and came in and out, but I very clearly heard the message You do not have to suffer in silence. And something inside of me made me latch on to it. Nothing else made sense to me, but that message I heard loud and clear.

FEATURED VIDEO

Minutes after I left the birth center, I texted pretty much everyone in my phone. Part of it was shock. Part of it was not wanting them to feel the false hope I had experienced. But I think a big part was not wanting to suffer in silence.

The day after I found out that the baby I thought I was carrying was not there, I stayed home alone and cried. All. Day. Long. I wrote a blog post about how I was feeling and something inside of me made me share it in one of my Facebook groups.

You don’t have to suffer in silence.

People reached out to me from that group. One person also had a miscarriage but she never talked about it. Another had one and her mother told her to get over it. Another told me about a support group that she knew of. I joined.

You don’t have to suffer in silence.

The women in the group were so welcoming and kind. They shared their sorrow, grief, and pain. They also shared laughs and gifts that their babies had given them. Their strength was inspiring. Their suffering was heartbreaking. Still I am grateful for the experience and connection.

You don’t have to suffer in silence.

You don’t have to suffer in silence... about the emptiness that you feel.

You don’t have to suffer in silence...about the pain you feel when you get your period, the harsh remind that you are no longer pregnant.

You don’t have to suffer in silence...about the jealousy you feel when you see others with their healthy baby bumps.

You don’t have to suffer in silence...about not knowing if you even want another child.

You don’t have to suffer in silence...whatever you are feeling and wherever you are in your healing journey.

Our mothers—they felt like they had to suffer in silence. And our grandmothers—no one talked about it. And our great-grandmothers—God forbid they be anything less than a martyr. They all suffered in silence. Because they thought they had to. Because there was a shame in what they were feeling. Because no one talked about it.

But you don’t have to suffer in silence.

So I took this vow and I started openly talking about my miscarriage. It made some people uncomfortable

How are you?

I just had a miscarriage.

Awkward silence (Internally, I was hoping she would just say fine and we could move on).

But it also made some people heal. It connected me to those I never expected to be connected to.

An old roommate reached out to me after something I posted on social media. A friend’s wife cried with me at a wedding over her own loss. And I realized something—when we open up and make the choice not to suffer in silence, we allow others to do the same.

Our stories connect us. Our scars define us. Our pain makes us human. Our vulnerability helps us relate.

I have made the choice not to suffer in silence, and I want to invite you to do the same.

This piece was originally published on Her View From Home.

Motherhood is a practice in learning, growing and loving more than you ever thought possible. Even as a "veteran" mama of four young sons and one newly adopted teenager, Jalyssa Richardson enthusiastically adapts to whatever any given day has in store—a skill she says she's refined through the years.

Here's what just one day in her life looks like:


Jalyssa says she learned to embrace agility throughout her motherhood journey. Here's more from this incredible mama of five boys.

What is the most challenging part of your day as a mom of five?

Time management! I want to meet each of the boys' individual needs—plus show up for myself—but I often feel like someone gets overlooked.

What's the best part of being a mom of five?

The little moments of love. The hugs, the kisses, the cuddles, the smiles... they all serve as little reminders that I am blessed and I'm doing okay.

Are there misconceptions about raising boys?

There are so many misconceptions about raising boys. I think the biggest one is that boys don't have many emotions and they're just so active all the time. My boys display many emotions and they also love to be sweet and cuddly a lot of the time.

What do you think would surprise people the most about being a mom of five?

How much I enjoy it. I never knew I wanted to be a mom until I was pregnant with my first. My desire only grew and the numbers did! I am surprised with every single baby as my capacity to love and nurture grows. It's incredible.

How do you create balance and make time for yourself?

Balance for me looks like intentional planning and scheduling because I never want my boys to feel like they aren't my first priority, but it is extremely difficult. What I try to do is not fit it all into one day. I have work days because motherhood is my first priority. I fit in segments of self-care after the kids' bedtime so I don't grow weary.

What's the biggest lesson you have learned from motherhood?

I have learned that sacrifice is actually beautiful. I was terrified of the selflessness motherhood would require, but I've grown so much through the sacrifice. There is nothing better than living for something bigger than myself.

When did you first feel like a mom? How has your motherhood evolved?

I first felt like a mom when I was pregnant with my first son and I intentionally chose to change my eating habits so my body could be strong and healthy for him. I didn't have to think twice—I just did what I thought would be best for him. That decision being so effortless made me realize I was made for motherhood.

My perspective has changed with each baby as I've realized motherhood doesn't have to be one-size-fits-all. With my first son, I was a by-the-book mama and it was so stressful. With each baby, I have felt more freedom and it has made motherhood so much more beautiful. I have evolved into the mother that they need, I am perfect for these boys.

This article was sponsored by Dr. Brown's. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

Our Partners