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You don’t have to suffer in silence

Talking about my miscarriage was healing.

You don’t have to suffer in silence

Trigger warning: This essay describes a woman’s emotional journey with miscarriage.


“You don’t have to suffer in silence,” said my midwife as the rest of the world around me started to crumble. I didn’t hear much else of what she said clearly—I’m sorry. No baby. D and C. Blighted Ovum. Not your fault. Blood test. One in three women.

The rest of the words swirled around me and came in and out, but I very clearly heard the message You do not have to suffer in silence. And something inside of me made me latch on to it. Nothing else made sense to me, but that message I heard loud and clear.

Minutes after I left the birth center, I texted pretty much everyone in my phone. Part of it was shock. Part of it was not wanting them to feel the false hope I had experienced. But I think a big part was not wanting to suffer in silence.

The day after I found out that the baby I thought I was carrying was not there, I stayed home alone and cried. All. Day. Long. I wrote a blog post about how I was feeling and something inside of me made me share it in one of my Facebook groups.

You don’t have to suffer in silence.

People reached out to me from that group. One person also had a miscarriage but she never talked about it. Another had one and her mother told her to get over it. Another told me about a support group that she knew of. I joined.

You don’t have to suffer in silence.

The women in the group were so welcoming and kind. They shared their sorrow, grief, and pain. They also shared laughs and gifts that their babies had given them. Their strength was inspiring. Their suffering was heartbreaking. Still I am grateful for the experience and connection.

You don’t have to suffer in silence.

You don’t have to suffer in silence... about the emptiness that you feel.

You don’t have to suffer in silence...about the pain you feel when you get your period, the harsh remind that you are no longer pregnant.

You don’t have to suffer in silence...about the jealousy you feel when you see others with their healthy baby bumps.

You don’t have to suffer in silence...about not knowing if you even want another child.

You don’t have to suffer in silence...whatever you are feeling and wherever you are in your healing journey.

Our mothers—they felt like they had to suffer in silence. And our grandmothers—no one talked about it. And our great-grandmothers—God forbid they be anything less than a martyr. They all suffered in silence. Because they thought they had to. Because there was a shame in what they were feeling. Because no one talked about it.

But you don’t have to suffer in silence.

So I took this vow and I started openly talking about my miscarriage. It made some people uncomfortable

How are you?

I just had a miscarriage.

Awkward silence (Internally, I was hoping she would just say fine and we could move on).

But it also made some people heal. It connected me to those I never expected to be connected to.

An old roommate reached out to me after something I posted on social media. A friend’s wife cried with me at a wedding over her own loss. And I realized something—when we open up and make the choice not to suffer in silence, we allow others to do the same.

Our stories connect us. Our scars define us. Our pain makes us human. Our vulnerability helps us relate.

I have made the choice not to suffer in silence, and I want to invite you to do the same.

This piece was originally published on Her View From Home.

As much as I love fall, it always feels like the season when my family's routine gets kicked into overdrive. With our oldest in (homeschool) kindergarten, my youngest on the brink of entering her twos, work, housework and *all the things* filling my day, it's hard not to feel a little overwhelmed sometimes. Did I mention we're still in a pandemic? (Yeah, it's a lot.) And while I try to take a positive view as much as I can, now more than ever I definitely jump at the chance to take anything off my busy plate.

One thing first in line at the chopping block? Cooking. To be fair, I like cooking. I cooked most of our meals long before I had ever even heard of social distancing. But there's something about the pandemic that suddenly made cooking every single meal feel exponentially more draining.

Enter Daily Harvest. They deliver nourishing, delicious food right to your door. Daily Harvest's mix of smoothies, bowls, flatbreads, snacks and more provide a balanced, whole food options that are as satisfying as they are nutritious. But my favorite part? When we're ready to eat, I simply pull the food from the freezer and it's ready in minutes—without any chopping, measuring or searching for a recipe. Even better, they're incredibly tasty, meaning I'm not struggling to get my girls to dig in. Not cooking has never felt so good.

Here are my 8 favorite products that are helping to lighten my load right now:

Mulberry + Dragonfruit Oat Bowl

Mulberry + Dragonfruit Oat Bowl

One thing that actually helps break up the monotony of quarantine? Trying and introducing new ingredients to my family. I love this overnight oat bowl (add milk the night before and let it set in your fridge overnight—easy-peasy!) because not only does it not compromise on nutrition, but it also helps me bring new whole fruits, vegetables and superfoods to the table with ease.

Mint + Cacao Smoothie

Mint + Cacao Smoothie

I kid you not, these taste exactly like a mint chocolate chip milkshake. (Just ask my 4-year-old, who is constantly stealing sips from my glass.) What she doesn't know? She's actually getting organic banana, spinach and chlorella with every sip. #momwin

Kabocha + Sage Flatbread

Kabocha + Sage Flatbread

Our family's eating habits have been leaning more plant-forward this year, which often means a lot of veggie washing, peeling and chopping every time I cook. That's why these flatbreads are my new best friend come lunchtime. This Kabocha + Sage Flatbread is made with a gluten-free cauliflower crust topped with kabocha squash, fennel and sage for a taste of fall in every bite. (Missing the cheese? You can add it before baking for more of a pizza feel.)

Kale + Sweet Potato Flatbread

Kale + Sweet Potato Flatbread

There's something about the combination of sweet potato crust topped with red cabbage, organic greens and an herby-cilantro sauce that is so delicious… like surprisingly delicious. I polished off this bad boy in seconds! And unlike other "veggie" crusts I've tried, these are actually clean (AKA no fillers, preservations, partially-hydrogenated oil or artificial anything). Plus, it couldn't be easier to throw in the oven between conference calls and homeschool lessons.

Cacao + Avocado Smoothie

Cacao + Avocado Smoothie

Any time I get to serve a breakfast that tastes like chocolate, it's a good day. (That goes double when it's *my* breakfast.) This rich, chocolatey smoothie is packed with organic zucchini, avocado, pumpkin seeds and pea protein for a nourishing mix of healthy fats and muscle-building protein so I can carry that baby all day long. And did I mention the chocolate?

Vanilla Bean + Apple Chia Bowl

Vanilla Bean + Apple Chia Bowl

Maybe it's just me, but after a long week of cooking, the last thing I want to do on Saturday morning is...wake up and cook. That's why these one-step breakfasts are saving my weekend. I simply add our favorite milk the night before and store the bowl in the fridge overnight. Come morning, I have a nutritious chia bowl that powers me through even the busiest day of errands. It's also Instagram-ready, which makes me feel like I'm out brunching (even if I can't remember the last time I was in a restaurant).

Cacao Nib + Vanilla Bites

Cacao Nib + Vanilla Bites

My kids have turned into snack monsters during quarantine, and I'm often struggling to find a wholesome option (that doesn't require a lot of extra cooking or else I resort to something ultra-refined and shelf-stable). These bites are the hero I never knew I needed. For one, they taste like cookie dough, but they're actually packed with chickpeas, pumpkin, dates and flax seed (among other whole ingredients). But unlike actual cookie dough, I don't have to go anywhere near my mixer to whip them up—all I have to do is pull the container out of the freezer, let them defrost a bit and we can all enjoy a treat.

Cauliflower Rice + Pesto Harvest Bowl

Cauliflower Rice + Pesto Harvest Bowl

Sometimes I have a little more time to cook, but I still want a quick, stress-free solution. (Especially because it always feels like I just cleaned up from the last meal.) I love these Harvest Bowls because they warm up in under five minutes on the stove top (or microwave!) but pack tons of flavor. The Cauliflower Rice + Pesto bowl is one of my favorites, with basil, olive oil and nutritional yeast for a hearty dish reminiscent of a mouth-watering Italian meal. When I'm feeling extra fancy, I add leftover grilled chicken or a fried egg.

Strawberry + Rich, Rippled Berry Compote Scoops

Strawberry + Rich, Rippled Berry Compote Scoops

Who doesn't want to end the day with a little something sweet? This creamy and decadent frozen treat from Daily Harvest is swirled with sweet berries and tropical dragonfruit for an antioxidant burst you'll feel good about—but that your kiddos will just think is ice cream. Go ahead, take credit for being the best mom ever.

Want to try it yourself? You can get $25 off your first box of Daily Harvest with code MOTHERLY.

This article was sponsored by Daily Harvest. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas

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