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Postpartum sex is complex—often surprisingly so. As you start to think about sex after baby, a lot may come up for you. You may have physical and emotional concerns and, if you're partnered, thoughts about the way your relationship has evolved. And oh yeah—there's now a baby in the bassinet next to you.

One of the best ways to navigate this uncharted territory is to talk about it (preferably ahead of time). Here are 12 phrases to use when talking to your partner about postpartum sex.

(Remember: Sex should be enjoyable for everyone involved. It is not your duty or something you need to do to make someone else happy.)

1. "I am not ready."

Plain and simple: If you are not ready to have sex, it is entirely within your right to say so.

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2. "I am ready to try."

Postpartum sex may feel like an absolute no right now. Perhaps it is an "oh, heck, yes." But I would venture to say that for most women, it falls into the vast gray area in between: They're interested and like the idea of it, but they are also nervous and have some concerns.

Remember that starting to have sex does not mean that you have to complete the deed. It is perfectly fine to try it out slowly, and stop if you get to a point that feels uncomfortable (physically or emotionally). This leads us to the next phrase...

3. "I am in charge."

Declaring at the getgo that you are in charge means that you are the one who advances things, not the other way around. That way you can determine, step-by-step, what feels okay and where you need to draw the line. You won't need to worry that your partner will move too quickly, and your partner can relax knowing that they won't accidentally hurt you or make you uncomfortable.

4. "My midwife/doctor suggested that…"

If you are unsure about resuming sex, talk to your provider. They can give you the best advice for your specific scenario. They can also help you figure out the answer to the next question.

I also highly recommend seeking the guidance of a pelvic floor physical therapist, who can help you rehab the muscles and tissue in and around your pelvis. In many countries, they are a part of routine postpartum care. If you have any concerns about the health of your pelvis, ask your provider for a referral. The impact can be profound.

Things to look out for include:

  • Pain when sitting, with sex, or in general. This pain can be in the vagina or the surrounding area including your bottom, hips, or thighs
  • Incontinence, or loss of urine or stool when you don't mean to
  • Foul-smelling pus or drainage at the site of stitches

5. "What type of birth control are we going to use?"

If you are having vaginal sex with a man, there is a chance that you can become pregnant even if you haven't had your first period yet. Women ovulate before they have their period, so you may be fertile before you realize it.

The general recommendation is to wait 18 months between giving birth and getting pregnant again, to allow your body time to heal and be able to support another pregnancy. Certainly, you can talk with your provider about these recommendations and what makes the most sense for you.

Before having sex again, it's a good idea to have a contraceptive plan in place. You can check out our guide here: Birth control after baby: What's best for you?

6. "Tell me what your favorite part of intimacy with me is."

Communication is a huge part of the sexual experience. When you talk about intimacy with your partner, you may be surprised to learn what they feel about it. Perhaps their favorite thing isn't anything that you would have predicted.

7. "What are other ways besides sex we can capture that feeling?"

Once you have your answers from number six, consider other ways that the sentiment can be achieved that do not involve sex.

Maybe sex helps your partner feel connected to you. Would a romantic dinner (with no phones) do the trick for now?

Perhaps your partner adores your naked body. Taking a bath or shower together might be a great way to address that adoration, without needing to have sex.

And you know what? Maybe your partner is just really excited to have an orgasm, and for you to have one too. There are many other ways besides sex for that to happen.

8. "I am worried about ____."

Is there a specific concern on your mind? Consider sharing it with your partner so they can be attentive to your needs.

Are you worried about it hurting? Telling your partner this can be a reminder to go extra slow and to let you be in charge.

Are you adjusting to your new postpartum body and feeling unsure about sharing it with someone? Your partner may be able to share some pretty body-positive things they are thinking about you right now.

Are you weirded out by having sex with your baby in the bassinet next to you? Nothing says you can't do it in the living room, with a baby monitor by your side.

9. "Here is what I need to feel comfortable."

The mind-body connection is incredibly powerful and super important for sex. See if you can spend some time thinking about what will make your emotional self comfortable enough to enjoy sex. Once you have it, tell your partner.

Here are some ideas:

  • Time alone to do some serious self-care
  • Date night (in or out) where you can foster a deeper level of connection with each other
  • Compliments galore about your new postpartum body
  • A verbal agreement that your partner will let you set the pace and won't ask for certain things or touch certain areas of your body that you're not ready for

10. "I am not ready for ___, but I am ready for ___."

Sex is a broad word, with lots of (ahem, fun) options within it. You may be feeling kind of frisky, but not ready to have penetrative sex yet. That's okay! Think about what might feel good, and do that.

11. "Get the lube."

Understatement of the year alert: A lot has changed in your body. One of the pertinent changes related to your sex life is that you may experience some significant vaginal dryness—this is especially true if you are breastfeeding since the hormonal changes can decrease vaginal moisture.

This means that finding ways to increase your vaginal moisture is important for the reduction of pain, and the increase of pleasure! Finding a good quality lubrication is essential, as is foreplay.

12. "Get. Over. Here."

A lot of the previous phrases are great when you're feeling apprehensive. But what if you are READY?

Get it, girl.

As long as your provider has ensured that your body has healed enough for sex, if you are ready and excited, go for it, mama. You may find that parenthood is pretty darn sexy.

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It's time to go shopping for your little ones mama. Not long ago we shared the super sale on Hunter boots for us moms, and now the super colorful and water proof boots are on sale for kids! Perfect timing as Spring is approaching and there will be a lot of puddle jumping in our futures.

The sale is up to 50% off in select styles, but in all the colors of the rainbow! We don't know how long the sale will last so act fast because some sizes are already on low stock!


Here are our favorite styles to shop from the sale:

The original grab handle boot in light blue

Original Kids First Classic Grab Handle

Originally $55, the original Grab Handle boot is 50% off right now.

$28

The classic gloss boot in blue

Original Kids First Classic Gloss Rain

Originally $55, the original Classic Gloss boot is 40% off right now.

$33

Chelsea boot in yellow 

Original Big Kids' Gloss Chelsea Boots

Originally $75, the Chelsea boot is 40% off right now.

$45

The original grab handle boot in pink

Original Kids First Classic Grab Handle

Originally $55, the original Grab Handle boot is 40% off right now.

$33

The classic gloss boot in yellow

Originally $55, the original Classic Gloss boot is 40% off right now.

$33

The camo boots

Original Little Kids Storm Camo Rain Boots

Originally $75, the camo boot is 50% off right now.

$35

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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Jessica Simpson's life seems perfect. She has three beautiful kids, a wildly successful career, a seemingly solid marriage...she has it all, at least as far as we can see. But recent revelations prove that no one really knows what anyone else is secretly dealing with—and Jessica, by her own admission, has been struggling with alcohol issues.

The singer-turned-business-woman recently sat down with TODAY's Hoda Kotb, and it will air on NBC's TODAY Wednesday morning.

"I had started a spiral and I couldn't catch up with myself…and that was with alcohol," Jessica explained. "I would say it openly to everyone. 'I know. I know, I'll stop soon. I'll cut back'," Jessica continued when asked if she realized things were getting out of control. "For me to cut back, like I'm an all or nothing girl, and so I didn't know it was a problem until it was...I completely didn't recognize myself…I always had a glitter cup. It was always filled to the rim with alcohol."

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She's hardly alone. The rise of #winemom phenomenon is well documented and many parents struggle with substance abuse problems. But Simpson's story proves there is a way to get your life back.

Simpson quit drinking in 2017 after she found herself unable to get her kids ready for a Halloween party. She says she'd started drinking before 7:30 in the morning, before accompanying her husband, Eric Johnson, to a school assembly for their oldest daughter. Later that night she was unable to get her kids dressed in their Halloween costumes. The next morning she was so ashamed. Feeling like she had failed her kids she slept until they left the house, then got up and drank some more.

That episode was her tipping point. She quit drinking (as did her husband, Eric Johnson, who supports her in her sobriety.)



As parents, we know how overwhelming the demands can be...and how easy it is to sink into habits that don't ultimately serve us well. For Jessica, the way to heal was to sever her relationship with alcohol.

"I had to give [drinking] up," Jessica said. "I'm not going to miss another day. I'm not going to miss another Halloween. I'm not going to miss another Christmas. I'm going to be present."

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Babies come with a lot of stuff. And when you're out and about, a roomy, comfy diaper bag is the place for everything you need to be prepared for whatever the day throws your way. But is a cute, trendy diaper bag that doesn't scream, well... DIAPER BAG, too much to ask? It's not, mamas.

We've rounded up our favorite diaper bags that don't actually look like diaper bags, but instead like the cute, super stylish bags you might have carried before the days of finding crushed up puffs at the bottom of your purse.

These bags prove you can get the job done, mama—and look darn good while doing it.

Freshly Picked City Pack

Freshly Picked City Pack

This simple, modern backpack can easily take you from a day at work to dinner with the kiddos. We love the hardware details, the lightweight design, and the hidden back pocket.

$150

Vogshow Waterproof Bag

Vogshow Waterproof Diaper Bag

A sleek look, plus a padded laptop compartment, anti-theft and insulated pockets and magnetic buttons instead of zippers. 🙌

$34.99

Skip Hop Travel Bag

Skip Hop Travel Bag

With a large zippered main compartment, there's plenty of room to keep all of the things. We love the adjustable straps—you can wear as a backpack, cross-body, messenger bag, or attach to the stroller.

$99.99

Companion Quilted Backpack

companion quilted backpack diaper bag

Are you off to sit on the beach for a few hours, or taking your toddlers to the zoo? No one will be the wiser, mamas. We love the quilted look, padded straps, and roomy interior.

$178

Mommore Diaper Backpack

Mommore Diaper Backpack

With a water resistant exterior, wet clothes pocket and a main compartment that completely opens up, you'll love having this to tote around.

$34.99

JJ Cole Brookmont

JJ Cole Cognac Diaper Bag

As stunning as it is functional. It has 15 pockets and a removable liner on the inside so you can easily clean up messes in no time.

$99.99

Little Unicorn Boardwalk Tote

If you're looking to keep things simple + stylish, mamas, this is the bag for you. It's versatile, functional, and will get tons of use well past the diaper days.

$69.95

Presidio Vegan Leather Diaper Tote

Presidio Vegan Leather Diaper Tote

This stunning tote would make the perfect on-the-go bag. It comes with a changing page and a couple pockets on the inside to keep everything organized. Don't forget to personalize it!

$99

Ticent Tote

Ticent Diaper Bag

With nearly 500 reviews, this one has incredible ratings. It offers multiple pockets, including an insulated one for snacks or bottles. The waterproof cotton material is ideal for those inevitable spills.

$30.99

Fawn Design Original

Stylish and versatile, this bag can be worn as a cross body or as a backpack. It's roomy without being bulky, and has a total of 10 pockets for awesome storage.

$159.99

Skip Hop Greenwich Backpack

No one would ever know this bag is packed full of baby's items. 😉

$69.99

Rosie Pope Highbury Hill

Highbury Hill Diaper Backpack

If you're looking to up your style, this chic backpack will help you get there. Lots of inner pockets and zippered compartments make it simple to organize your stuff, and the top flap and wide opening make for quick + easy accessibility.

$159.99

Babymel Robyn

Babymel Robyn Diaper Backpack

We love everything about this effortlessly stylish faux leather backpack. It's easy to wipe down, converts to a cross body bag, and even comes with a changing pad and drawstring bottle holder.

$90

Petunia Pickle Bottom Pathway

Petunia Pickle Bottom Diaper Tote

This two-tone canvas bag could not be prettier. We love that it easily stands upright when set down, and that it's super functional as a diaper bag yet super stylish as an everyday purse.

$159

Skip Hop Duo

Skip Hop Duo Diaper Bag

The timeless stripes on this 11-pocket bag means it will never go out of style, and the durable cotton canvas means it will stand up to years of use.

$70

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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Frustrations and emotions were at an all time high for both us. I was worried that my lack of patience would get the best of me, leaving her feeling let down and frustrated with me on her new journey of becoming a “big girl." And selfishly, I was tired of washing wet underwear. For her part, my daughter was tired of being asked for the hundredth time if she needed to use the potty.

We both were feeling a little defeated in this new adventure.

I have found too often as a mother that I expect my child to respond new things, like to potty training, as fast and as close to the last blog post, book or opinion I heard or read. What I have learned is that no two children are alike and the moment I release my expectations for where mine should or should not be, we are both brought back to peace and patience.

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So maybe a break was all we needed to start fresh the next day. We headed to our favorite spot by the lake and had a picnic. My daughter munched on popcorn and chatted away about the weather and pinecones, and listened for the sounds of helicopters—which you hear quite often living on an aviation military base.

Sometimes in the daily struggles of motherhood I have noticed that I can forget who I am and the strength we possess as mothers. It may not come easily at first, but I grow with each new day. Even potty training—this mundane human activity that is emotional and (quite literally) messy, teaches me much about the meaning and purpose of motherhood.

Potty training has taught me a huge lesson on patience. Patience to be present, to pay attention to what is right in front of me. To be encouraging, to not rush the process, to not place expectations on timing or play the comparison game we often play as mothers.

Patience is needed in every area of parenting and potty training is just one way where we can see as parents where our patience is wearing thin.

I have found that it's when I come from a place of patience and presence that I can then glean wisdom from those messy, mundane, time-consuming tasks of potty training, and find that the waiting, sitting and hours of time spent in the bathroom gives me an opportunity to be present in my child's world.

Whether it be the grocery line, a traffic jam, or cleaning up wet bedding, I learn the art and joy in the small and big moments in motherhood. Giving our children space to fail and try it again as many times as it takes encourages them that they too can cultivate the gift of patience in there own tiny lives.

My daughter speaks to me everyday, inviting growth that sometimes feels really hard and frustrating, she provokes patience to be felt and sensed through every minute of the day. And for this I am grateful. Because to truly live and be present in my child's world means “I learn from her, and she learns from me." Even in potty training.

Our children have so much to offer to who we are as individuals and they have so much to teach us. In fact, I have come to live for these exhausting, beautiful, and downright messy moments in time. When I push myself to embrace them, rather than just find them frustrating, I stretch and grow and evolve. I become the mother I hope to be.

And to you mama, whether in the midst of sleepless newborn nights or toddler tornados or the midst of potty training, may you find strength as a mother, as a wife, and as a person to let go of any expectations or judgements you place upon yourself.

May love and gratitude fill our hearts and peace be with all of us on the journey that motherhood is.

Life
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