Menu

Dear husband: I need more attention and affection from you than ever before

Maybe it's because I am somehow lonely even though there is literally another human attached to me at any given point in any given day. Maybe it's because I know that what I need from you is different than before, and I am terrified that you won't be able to give it to me.

Dear husband: I need more attention and affection from you than ever before

[Editor's note: This story is a letter from a woman to her husband. While this is one example of one type of relationship, we understand, appreciate and celebrate that relationships come in all forms and configurations.]

Dear husband,

I am not the same woman I was when I married you.

When we met, I was independent, confident, adventurous and free. I was ready for new challenges, I was focused on my career, I was dedicated to taking care of my health and fitness. I wanted to travel, go out to dinners and have drinks with friends.


Four years and two kids later, I am different. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I would change anything about our lives together, especially anything about our two precious babies, but I need you to know that I am not the same. And I need to know you can handle that and that you'll still love me.

FEATURED VIDEO

You see, I have never "needed" much from another person, let alone a man. So it's hard for me to admit that I need this kind of reassurance from you. But, my love, I am knocked off kilter. For the first time in my life, I feel like I can't set my own compass straight and I am constantly teetering on the edge of nostalgia and a new version of myself that I haven't quite yet identified.

In my past, I have dreamt about this beautiful family we now have, but I am realizing I never quite thought about what I would identify with in this phase...what would make me, me.

Is it the way I make dinner? Change diapers? The words I choose to use when disciplining our toddler or comforting our infant? The decorative pillows I purchase for our living room? Or maybe it's the running list of things I purchase and do each week to keep everyone in the house fed and clean (queue the diapers, wipes, dish soap, laundry, drop-offs and pickups, the food… all the things that go with the food, the planning, the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, packing of lunches, cleaning everything).

Is this me? Is this what makes me who I am now?

Sometimes I feel our house, our familial life, is like a shiny, new, high-functioning computer and I am the hard drive just silently humming in the background getting it all done. You see, I love taking care of you and our kids and doing all of these things. I really do. It is just that it never ends, it is constant, and someone always needs something. And so at the end of the day, when it is just you and me, I need to reset. And sometimes, I need you to be the one to hit the reset button for me.

My husband, this is not to say that I don't recognize all that you do for us. Simply stated, I could not do this without you. Nor would I ever want to.

But that is just it. That is what I am scared of. I am afraid of losing you. Maybe it's because I feel like I have lost part of myself and I don't know yet how to find it. Maybe it's because I constantly feel less than desirable—given my constant swap between yoga pants (that I don't even do yoga in anymore) and pajama pants (that are far from flattering).

Maybe it's because I am somehow lonely even though there is literally another human attached to me at any given point in any given day. Maybe it's because I know that what I need from you is different than before, and I am terrified that you won't be able to give it to me.

I need more affection and attention from you. I almost hate to admit it—it feels uncomfortable for me to say so, but it is true. I know I didn't need you to tell me that I am beautiful every day and that I am doing a good job at x, y, or z when we first got married, but I do now. And I don't mean that it would be nice or that I would like it if you could please compliment me every once in a while, I am telling you that I need it.

I need you to physically get up and walk over to me and give me a hug instead of asking me to come to you. I need you to initiate intimate connections and be the assertive one in bed more often than me. I need you to text me or leave me a note telling me that I am a great mom and wife or that you love me... and then tell me why.

I need you to sound happy to hear my voice on the phone during the day because I dream of you getting home and being with me. I need you to give me a big hug when you get home because even though I could use a "touch-break", I don't want you to be the one to take the cut.

I need you to look me in the eyes when we talk, to put your phone down, to make me feel like I am the only thing that matters when we are alone, even if it is just for a few meaningful moments each day. I need you to say thank you and I love you and to find ways to acknowledge this new me.

I am asking for your help. I want to find myself again, I want to feel confident and sure of myself again. I know we all need that to happen and I want my children to reap the benefits of that. And so, dear husband, I am asking you: for right now, while I will keep taking care of all the people and things I take care of day in and day out, would you please take a little bit more care of me?

No, I am not the same woman I was when I married you, but I pray you'll still love me for who I am today...and who I will be tomorrow. And, my love, please know... I am doing the same for you.

You might also like:

    These are only the vitamins I give my children and here's why

    It's hard to say who loves these more—my kids or me.

    When I became a mama five years ago, I didn't put too much thought into whether my son was getting the right vitamins and minerals. From breastfeeding to steaming and pureeing his first bites of solid food, I was confident I was giving him everything to support his growth and development.

    But then the toddler years—and the suddenly picky palate that accompanied them—came along. Between that challenge and two additional children in the mix… well, I knew my oldest son's eating plan was falling short in some vitamin and mineral categories.

    I also knew how quickly he was growing, so I wanted to make sure he was getting the nutrients he needed (even on those days when he said "no, thank you" to any veggie I offered).

    So when I discovered the new line of children's supplements from Nature's Way®, it felt like a serious weight off my chest. Thanks to supplements that support my children's musculoskeletal growth, their brain function, their immune systems, their eyes and more, I'm taken back to that simpler time when I was so confident my kids' vitamin needs were met.*

    It wasn't just the variety of supplements offered by Nature's Way that won me over: As a vegetarian mama, I'm the picky one in the family when it comes to scanning labels and making sure they meet our standards. The trick is that most gummy vitamins are made with gelatin, which is not vegetarian friendly.

    But just like the other offerings from Nature's Way that I've already come to know and love, the children's supplement line is held to a high standard. That means there's no high-fructose corn syrup, gelatin or common allergens to be found in the supplements. The best part? My two oldest kids ensure we never miss their daily vitamins—they are so in love with the gummy flavors, which include tropical fruit punch, lemonade and wild berry.


    Nature's Way Kids Mulitvitamin


    Meanwhile, my pharmacist husband has different criteria when evaluating supplements, especially when it comes to those for our kids. He appreciates the variety of options from Nature's Way, which gives us the ability to rotate the vitamins based on our kids' daily needs. By keeping various children's supplements from Nature's Way on hand, I can customize a regimen to suit my kids' individual requirements.

    Of course, high-quality products often come at a higher price point. But (to my immense gratitude!) that isn't the case with Nature's Way, which retails for a competitive value when compared to the other items on the shelf.

    Like all mamas, my chief concern is supporting my children's health in any way I can. While I see evidence of their growth every time I pack away clothes they've outgrown, I know there is much more growth that doesn't meet the eye. That's why, for my oldest son, I like stacking the Brain Builder gummy with the Growing Bones & Muscles gummy and the Happy & Healthy Multi. My 3-year-old also enjoys getting her own mix to include the Healthy Eyes gummy. And both of my older kids are quick to request the Tummy Soothe tablet when something isn't sitting right in their stomachs.* And I'll admit it: I've tried it myself and the berry blast flavor really is tasty!

    Although my current phase of motherhood may not be as "simple" as it once was, there is so much to appreciate about it—like watching my kids play and sing and create with their incredible imaginations. Along the way, I've eased up on some of my need for control, but it does help to have this range of supplements in my motherhood tool kit. So while I may not be able to convince my son to try kale, having the Nature's Way supplements on hand means I do know he's right on track.*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food & Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.


    This article was sponsored by Nature's Way. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

    Our Partners

    There is rightfully a lot of emphasis on preparing for the arrival of a new baby. The clothes! The nursery furniture! The gear! But, the thing about a baby registry is, well, your kids will keep on growing. Before you know it, they'll have new needs—and you'll probably have to foot the bill for the products yourself.

    Thankfully, you don't have to break the bank when shopping for toddler products. Here are our favorite high-quality, budget-friendly finds to help with everything from meal time to bath time for the toddler set.

    Comforts Fruit Crisps Variety Pack

    Comforts fruit snacks

    If there is one thing to know about toddlers, it is this: They love snacks. Keeping a variety on hand is easy when the pack already comes that way! Plus, we sure do appreciate that freeze-dried fruit is a healthier alternative to fruit snacks.

    Comforts Electrolyte Drink

    Comforts electrolyte drink

    Between running (or toddling!) around all day and potentially developing a pickier palate, many toddlers can use a bit of extra help with replenishing their electrolytes—especially after they've experienced a tummy bug. We suggest keeping an electrolyte drink on hand.

    Comforts Training Pants

    Comforts training pants

    When the time comes to start potty training, it sure helps to have some training pants on hand. If they didn't make it to the potty in time, these can help them learn their body's cues.

    Comforts Nite Pants

    comforts nite pants

    Even when your toddler gets the hang of using the toilet during the day, nighttime training typically takes several months longer than day-time training. In the meantime, nite pants will still help them feel like the growing, big kid they are.

    Comforts Baby Lotion

    comforts baby lotion

    Running, jumping, playing in sand, splashing in water—the daily life of a toddler can definitely irritate their skin! Help put a protective barrier between their delicate skin and the things they come into contact with every day with nourishing lotion.

    Another great tip? Shopping the Comforts line on Comfortsforbaby.com to find premium baby products for a fraction of competitors' prices—and follow along on social media to see product releases and news at @comfortsforbaby.

    This article was sponsored by The Kroger Co. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

    Our Partners
    International Network for Aid, Relief and Assistance (INARA)

    It's 2020. The world is changing. It's hard to believe but the old decade is over, the new one is here and it is bringing a lot of new life with it. The babies born this year are members of Generation Alpha and the world is waiting for them.

    We're only a few months into the new year and there are already some new celebrity arrivals making headlines while making their new parents proud.

    If your little one arrived (or is due to arrive) in 2020, they've got plenty of high profile company.

    Here are all the celebrity babies born in 2020 (so far):

    Keep reading Show less
    News